How To Chill Out

Off Topic
41

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
You know, SM, for someone who is obviously a smart guy, you worry about an awful lot of meaningless bullshit.

High value women, low value women, high status, low status individuals, appearing alpha, dressing alpha.

To my recollection, you’re in your thirties, aren’t you? Is this your version of an early mid life crisis or have you not matured beyond all the stupid crap you post about? [/quote]

I like posting stupid crap. But this isn’t stupid. It’s much better for your health and well being to go about everything more calmly and not let little things work you up.

42

[quote]Facepalm_Death wrote:

[quote]StevenF wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
You know, SM, for someone who is obviously a smart guy, you worry about an awful lot of meaningless bullshit.

High value women, low value women, high status, low status individuals, appearing alpha, dressing alpha.

To my recollection, you’re in your thirties, aren’t you? Is this your version of an early mid life crisis or have you not matured beyond all the stupid crap you post about? [/quote]

I think he read American Psycho and decided that would be his online persona. [/quote]

If he’s getting fulfilment from all the awesome stuff he says he’s doing then why does he need an “online persona”? Why is he so obsessed with Abella Anderson? I am just asking these questions
[/quote]

What’s so awesome about what I do? Don’t you like Abella? I think she’s awesome. I normally don’t like big titties but I’ll forgive her.

43

I had pretty bad insomnia two years ago. I was so sleep deprived that I started getting very clumsy, had blurred vision and ended up getting a high dosage Rx for Lunesta. I went to a specialist and he had me doing all these wind-down activities before bed. I would spend upwards of 30 minutes after showering and stretching just chilling in bed, low light, no electronics (TV, cell, computer, music), cool temps and just a book. I sleep fine now, but added this to my normal life…just a quick spell of very quiet relax time without distractions. Chill out time is awesome.

44

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]TheKraken wrote:

[quote]Testy1 wrote:

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]carbiduis wrote:
This doesnt sound very “Alpha”

Whenever I pass someone driving slowly in an expensive car, i always make the assumption that after their monthly payments, they simply cannot afford a speeding ticket.

Making eye contact and then exchanging smiles with a guy the way you deacribe sounds kinda…gay

I have no time for slowness, 24hrs/day isnt enough. We only have one life and im trying to pack in as much as possible. I get the points youre making but i am not trying to appear to be “high-class” or whatever the fuck you said. Im trying to get my groceries and be on my way cause i have like 10 things to do before the day is done.

Do you maintain your slowness in job interviews? Do you maintain it while at your workplace? Im not sure there is anything quite as inferiorating as a slow coworker [/quote]

Actually, a job interview is one setting where a lot of people would benefit from deliberately slowing down. I’ve read that the rule of thumb is that you should speak about 20% slower than feels natural. The idea is that most people suffering from nerves at an interview (or presentation, or speaking engagement etc) will tend to talk way too fast without even realizing it.

There is something to be said for being patient, mindful and methodical in your actions. This can actually help you to be more productive. It allows you the time to see circumstances developing around you, to plan your next move and to make adjustments for things you wouldn’t necessarily have noticed or may have forgotten if you’re too rushed. You spend less time fixing things you missed in your haste. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast and all that. This is essential in high risk activities. You still move with a purpose, just not in the mad, half panicked rush people seem to slip into when they’re in a hurry or they think they’re “multi-tasking”.

I would sooner have a co-worker who took his time, paid attention thought things through and then took intelligent action than one who was forever charging ahead trying to git 'r done. Actually my right thumb is about half an inch shorter than it was thanks to the excessive initiative of one former coworker.

That said, what SM is describing or at least the way in which he describes it sounds like something different. [/quote]

Great post
[/quote]

this would really depend on the position and the interviewer. That is the problem with interviewing, its so subjective there is no perfect interview.

[/quote]

Completely agree on the subjectivity of interviews and the lack of any “magic formula”.

That said, I would think that more often than not taking a moment to catch your breathe frame your answers intelligently then speaking slowly and clearly enough that you can be understood and that the interviewer can process what you’re saying would be preferable to rushing breathlessly through and letting your mouth run ahead of your brain, no?

Genuine question. Seems to me you are/were an HR guy, so you likely know better than me, the guy sitting on the other side of the table.
[/quote]

I am a corporate recruiter and in the past have been a head hunter and a lot of what I do is coach people for interviews.

You’re right, taking a moment to answer intelligently and giving a moment for the interviewer to absorb the info you just gave to them is the right way to handle it. Hyper people in interviews are a pet peeve of mine. Most of my recruiting has been for sale positions, and if a salesmen doesn’t know when to shut up, they’ll lose the sale. Most interviewers will pretty much or directly tell you what they are looking for in general and sometimes in the interview, so listening skills are vital to the process and generally important to business and your success.

You want to show passion and even some excitement about the industry you’re trying to get into, but at the same time be centered and professional. My best advice, have a plan. Decide what you want this person to know about you by the end of the interview, and communicate that through your explanation of your experience, knowledge and what you can do to help them solve what ever problem they want to solve by paying someone to do the job. The best way to do all of the above is by examples in your past, or “don’t tell them, show them.”

45

I pull the ol check book out at the grocery store to show just how much of a motha fuckin balla I am. The 7 people in line behind me fucking love it too. Shit is Alpha beyond words.

46

^ And no, I don’t pre-write the date or anything else. I want to make every pen stroke after the total has been calculated.

47

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
^ And no, I don’t pre-write the date or anything else. I want to make every pen stroke after the total has been calculated. [/quote]

Like a Boss

48

[quote]polo77j wrote:

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
^ And no, I don’t pre-write the date or anything else. I want to make every pen stroke after the total has been calculated. [/quote]

Like a Boss[/quote]

Fuckin A!

49

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
You know who takes forever to take their money our of their pocket?

Stroke victims. And assholes.[/quote]

I think you’d be surprised at the result. It doesn’t annoy anyone. On the contrary, shopkeepers are always much happier to deal with me when I behave like this. They like it because it’s not actually an asshole thing. When you hand the money over don’t say anything. Watch when other men do it and you’ll see what I mean. But you’ve got to do it right. Like this:

  1. Walk to the counter and make eye contact and smile in a friendly way.

  2. When asked for the money calmly take it out like you’re not rushing.

  3. Hand it over. Don’t say thanks now. That’s what dingbats do. You don’t thank someone when you give them something do you?

  4. While the guy is getting your change don’t show any impatience - even if he takes three times as long as you did.

  5. Sometimes at this stage the guy still hasn’t figured out you’re someone he should like. But the clincher is the thank you, eye contact and smile when he gives you your change and / or your shopping. If you do all this even the dumbest guy in the world will know(subconsciously) that you are of superior station but also that he should(and does) like you.

The point is, people actually love dealing with someone they think is both “high status” and a good guy. By a good guy I mean someone who doesn’t look down on “low status” people - someone who treats them with respect. That’s what the eye contact and smile is about. They feel good because someone “important” and “powerful” has just been friendly and nice to them.

I never played the status game in the workplace but I had a reputation as a good boss because I went out of my way to make everyone feel appreciated and liked by their boss.

50

[quote]HopefulWanderer wrote:
Really like this idea!

Reminded me directly to chill out, breath deeply and slow down!

I really thing you will like mindfulness! Gues you found out mindfulness yourself! But There are years and years of study on this. Actually it’s probaly more then 2000 years old.

Mindfulness is part meditation (observing the now) and being more conciousness of what you are doing. Like: when you bursh your teeth, only do that, and don’t think about anything else.

When I sit for 20 minutes in the morning, just observing my breath, I feel much more in control for the whole day. This effect gets stronger when you do this everyday. It’s really worth it, because the best thing to stop hurrying is non-doing. [/quote]

I’m often very opinionated and so sometimes I’m totally wrong about something yet sure I’m right. It’s a flaw I need to work on. But for every flaw someone has there’s usually at least one good point. I’m always ready to accept when I’m wrong and learn from it. I used to tell anyone who’d listen that meditation was new crap. I even insulted a friend who was trying to recommend it to me. I insisted it was bollocks. But now I’ve discovered myself that it’s not only effective but is precisely what I need. It’s a slow process but it really does change everything about you. I laugh more and get stressed less. It’s making me more easy going.

When I saw the kid behind us getting angry and then roaring off super pronto it reminded me of myself when I was a kid. I knew that sort of shit was “beta” long before I knew what beta was and I knew not to do it. But many guys are accidentally broadcasting. For example, it’s nice to listen to music when you drive and having the window open is nice too. But when people see a guy alone driving around with music blaring out the open window they assume he’s trying to draw attention to himself. A lot of this stuff is just common sense. But walking fast was just natural for me. I think what’s really telling is not so much the speed but how smooth or awkward your movements are. It’s okay to walk moderately fast so long as it’s smooth and natural. As I said, I’ve had to slow down little by little to keep it natural. It’s not something you can do overnight.

51

I had breakfast with an attorney this morning. He spent most of the time telling me how successful and important he is. I had a passable steak omelet. That cheap SOB reach for his wallet slower than a slower than a herd of snails traveling through peanut butter. When he began reaching for his wallet I was full. When his hand finally entered his fawn slacks (have fun with that phrase) I was hungry. By the time he had his wallet out the restaurant shift had changed. I was not impressed.

52

[quote]SexMachine wrote:
someone who treats them with respect. That’s what the eye contact and smile is about. They feel good because someone has just been friendly and nice to them.

[/quote]

So, really this is just a long post to say this. And irrelevant of any social status intentions, it’s the right thing to do.

I’m going to sit back and see if you get jumped on for basically saying “be a good person”, but for reasons they don’t like…

53

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]SexMachine wrote:
someone who treats them with respect. That’s what the eye contact and smile is about. They feel good because someone has just been friendly and nice to them.

[/quote]

So, really this is just a long post to say this. And irrelevant of any social status intentions, it’s the right thing to do.

I’m going to sit back and see if you get jumped on for basically saying “be a good person”, but for reasons they don’t like…[/quote]

You’ve missed the point. Low status guy is trying to be super polite by hurrying and apologising for everything. You think the shopkeeper likes super polite low status guy? No, he likes polite status guy. Because when someone “important” is nice to you that means you must be someone special. A big important guy likes you. And wow, isn’t he a great guy? Doesn’t act all superior like some big shots.

That’s how people feel. Try it and see. They despise super polite guy. They love important guy. It’s the way the social hierarchies work. As I said, people like dealing with a high status person who is not an asshole. Try it out and see. Or just watch people doing it. And remember if they don’t follow the script properly they ruin the effect. It has to be done right.

54

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
You know who takes forever to take their money our of their pocket?

Stroke victims. And assholes.[/quote]

I think you’d be surprised at the result. It doesn’t annoy anyone. On the contrary, shopkeepers are always much happier to deal with me when I behave like this. They like it because it’s not actually an asshole thing. When you hand the money over don’t say anything. Watch when other men do it and you’ll see what I mean. But you’ve got to do it right. Like this:

  1. Walk to the counter and make eye contact and smile in a friendly way.

  2. When asked for the money calmly take it out like you’re not rushing.

  3. Hand it over. Don’t say thanks now. That’s what dingbats do. You don’t thank someone when you give them something do you?

  4. While the guy is getting your change don’t show any impatience - even if he takes three times as long as you did.

  5. Sometimes at this stage the guy still hasn’t figured out you’re someone he should like. But the clincher is the thank you, eye contact and smile when he gives you your change and / or your shopping. If you do all this even the dumbest guy in the world will know(subconsciously) that you are of superior station but also that he should(and does) like you.

The point is, people actually love dealing with someone they think is both “high status” and a good guy. By a good guy I mean someone who doesn’t look down on “low status” people - someone who treats them with respect. That’s what the eye contact and smile is about. They feel good because someone “important” and “powerful” has just been friendly and nice to them.

I never played the status game in the workplace but I had a reputation as a good boss because I went out of my way to make everyone feel appreciated and liked by their boss.
[/quote]

You’re killing me with every slow breath you take, every bizarre, inexplicable move you make.

Of course they’re more comfortable with someone who is able to control themselves to some extent. Who wants a fumbling, desperate, apologizing wreck of a human being to have that day’s nervous breakdown at their checkout? I mean really, who thanks the person taking their money once they fumble it from their pocket? That’s not beta - it’s weird! Most people think almost nothing of these interactions. I’m buying vegetables and a half-gallon of milk - my mind is on the dinner I need to start when I get home. I have no thought of the person taking my money, certainly not concern about what they think about me. I have my card ready as I approach the machine and while they ring me up I swipe. Smoothly. Then they hand me the register tape, say “there you go, have a nice day” and I say “thanks, you too” and go. I move along at a pace that is neither fast nor slow, and don’t look behind me to assess reactions to my limited exchange with the cashier.

I laughed all the way through this thread.

56

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

You’re killing me with every slow breath you take, every bizarre, inexplicable move you make.

[/quote]

You - especially you - already know all this subconsciously. You’re a slave to impulses you don’t even understand. We all are. But most people get better at self control as they get older. Very few people actually think about this stuff and understand it. That’s what was interesting about the older guy I saw. I’ve seen guys like him occasionally before. He was practicing controlling his emotions and developing extraordinary control over his body. A lot of older guys develop control without ever thinking about it. But guys who train themselves can become masters.

If you watch people you’ll notice that a lot of people do that or something similar. And the shop was just an example. Many people have developed habits that broadcast messages subconsciously to everyone else. Only a few people actually know what they’re saying. Everyone else just absorbs these signals, processes them and then they think guy a is “hot” but guy b is “cute”. Cute means he’s broadcasted shit you don’t understand so your subconscious decides for you. It’s the same with every kind of social interaction.

Surprisingly most guys do that or something similar. Just watch them. They’re the insecure types. A lot of guys have nothing wrong with them but they’ve just aquired these habits and they become ingrained. I’ve seen a lot of women with the same problem. They’re not very attractive so they develop beta habits and get anxiety attacks and literally go insane with terror if they think a man is watching them. It’s really creepy. But it’s a biological necessity. They’re treating to “cure” it but there is no cure because they have anxiety because they know their genetics(ie - body mostly) are not healthy. Of course, your genes are changed by your lifestyle and experiences so you might be born with good genes but then get obese and pass on bad genes to your children. That’s the purpose of anxiety. Pretty cruel world isn’t it?

The cashier was an example. These things apply to every human social interaction. You know Emily, I think you’d be attracted to that guy in the Mercedes even though he had a pot belly. You like men’s hands right? You should’ve seen what this guy could do with his hands. I think you would’ve thought he was “not hot” but “cute”. And you wouldn’t know why you thought he was cute. You need to take notice of this sort of stuff Emily because there are guys out there who can literally control your mind. They’re the cute guys.

57

I don’t know, i thought that was the main thrust of describing how your unique way of paying for groceries demonstrates your status

She got a narrow ass, that’s all

58

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

You’re killing me with every slow breath you take, every bizarre, inexplicable move you make.

[/quote]

You - especially you - already know all this subconsciously. You’re a slave to impulses you don’t even understand. We all are. But most people get better at self control as they get older. Very few people actually think about this stuff and understand it. That’s what was interesting about the older guy I saw. I’ve seen guys like him occasionally before. He was practicing controlling his emotions and developing extraordinary control over his body. A lot of older guys develop control without ever thinking about it. But guys who train themselves can become masters.

If you watch people you’ll notice that a lot of people do that or something similar. And the shop was just an example. Many people have developed habits that broadcast messages subconsciously to everyone else. Only a few people actually know what they’re saying. Everyone else just absorbs these signals, processes them and then they think guy a is “hot” but guy b is “cute”. Cute means he’s broadcasted shit you don’t understand so your subconscious decides for you. It’s the same with every kind of social interaction.

Surprisingly most guys do that or something similar. Just watch them. They’re the insecure types. A lot of guys have nothing wrong with them but they’ve just aquired these habits and they become ingrained. I’ve seen a lot of women with the same problem. They’re not very attractive so they develop beta habits and get anxiety attacks and literally go insane with terror if they think a man is watching them. It’s really creepy. But it’s a biological necessity. They’re treating to “cure” it but there is no cure because they have anxiety because they know their genetics(ie - body mostly) are not healthy. Of course, your genes are changed by your lifestyle and experiences so you might be born with good genes but then get obese and pass on bad genes to your children. That’s the purpose of anxiety. Pretty cruel world isn’t it?

The cashier was an example. These things apply to every human social interaction. You know Emily, I think you’d be attracted to that guy in the Mercedes even though he had a pot belly. You like men’s hands right? You should’ve seen what this guy could do with his hands. I think you would’ve thought he was “not hot” but “cute”. And you wouldn’t know why you thought he was cute. You need to take notice of this sort of stuff Emily because there are guys out there who can literally control your mind. They’re the cute guys.
[/quote]

It ain’t easy being cheesy. I think you might need to chill out bro.

59

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
You know who takes forever to take their money our of their pocket?

Stroke victims. And assholes.[/quote]

I think you’d be surprised at the result. It doesn’t annoy anyone. On the contrary, shopkeepers are always much happier to deal with me when I behave like this. They like it because it’s not actually an asshole thing. When you hand the money over don’t say anything. Watch when other men do it and you’ll see what I mean. But you’ve got to do it right. Like this:

  1. Walk to the counter and make eye contact and smile in a friendly way.

  2. When asked for the money calmly take it out like you’re not rushing.

  3. Hand it over. Don’t say thanks now. That’s what dingbats do. You don’t thank someone when you give them something do you?

  4. While the guy is getting your change don’t show any impatience - even if he takes three times as long as you did.

  5. Sometimes at this stage the guy still hasn’t figured out you’re someone he should like. But the clincher is the thank you, eye contact and smile when he gives you your change and / or your shopping. If you do all this even the dumbest guy in the world will know(subconsciously) that you are of superior station but also that he should(and does) like you.

The point is, people actually love dealing with someone they think is both “high status” and a good guy. By a good guy I mean someone who doesn’t look down on “low status” people - someone who treats them with respect. That’s what the eye contact and smile is about. They feel good because someone “important” and “powerful” has just been friendly and nice to them.

I never played the status game in the workplace but I had a reputation as a good boss because I went out of my way to make everyone feel appreciated and liked by their boss.
[/quote]

You’re killing me with every slow breath you take, every bizarre, inexplicable move you make.

Of course they’re more comfortable with someone who is able to control themselves to some extent. Who wants a fumbling, desperate, apologizing wreck of a human being to have that day’s nervous breakdown at their checkout? I mean really, who thanks the person taking their money once they fumble it from their pocket? That’s not beta - it’s weird! Most people think almost nothing of these interactions. I’m buying vegetables and a half-gallon of milk - my mind is on the dinner I need to start when I get home. I have no thought of the person taking my money, certainly not concern about what they think about me. I have my card ready as I approach the machine and while they ring me up I swipe. Smoothly. Then they hand me the register tape, say “there you go, have a nice day” and I say “thanks, you too” and go. I move along at a pace that is neither fast nor slow, and don’t look behind me to assess reactions to my limited exchange with the cashier.

I laughed all the way through this thread.
[/quote]

This entire thread is so full of win. Can anyone actually think this way, and if they do how much more insecure could they be?

60

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

[quote]SexMachine wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
You know who takes forever to take their money our of their pocket?

Stroke victims. And assholes.[/quote]

I think you’d be surprised at the result. It doesn’t annoy anyone. On the contrary, shopkeepers are always much happier to deal with me when I behave like this. They like it because it’s not actually an asshole thing. When you hand the money over don’t say anything. Watch when other men do it and you’ll see what I mean. But you’ve got to do it right. Like this:

  1. Walk to the counter and make eye contact and smile in a friendly way.

  2. When asked for the money calmly take it out like you’re not rushing.

  3. Hand it over. Don’t say thanks now. That’s what dingbats do. You don’t thank someone when you give them something do you?

  4. While the guy is getting your change don’t show any impatience - even if he takes three times as long as you did.

  5. Sometimes at this stage the guy still hasn’t figured out you’re someone he should like. But the clincher is the thank you, eye contact and smile when he gives you your change and / or your shopping. If you do all this even the dumbest guy in the world will know(subconsciously) that you are of superior station but also that he should(and does) like you.

The point is, people actually love dealing with someone they think is both “high status” and a good guy. By a good guy I mean someone who doesn’t look down on “low status” people - someone who treats them with respect. That’s what the eye contact and smile is about. They feel good because someone “important” and “powerful” has just been friendly and nice to them.

I never played the status game in the workplace but I had a reputation as a good boss because I went out of my way to make everyone feel appreciated and liked by their boss.
[/quote]

You’re killing me with every slow breath you take, every bizarre, inexplicable move you make.

Of course they’re more comfortable with someone who is able to control themselves to some extent. Who wants a fumbling, desperate, apologizing wreck of a human being to have that day’s nervous breakdown at their checkout? I mean really, who thanks the person taking their money once they fumble it from their pocket? That’s not beta - it’s weird! Most people think almost nothing of these interactions. I’m buying vegetables and a half-gallon of milk - my mind is on the dinner I need to start when I get home. I have no thought of the person taking my money, certainly not concern about what they think about me. I have my card ready as I approach the machine and while they ring me up I swipe. Smoothly. Then they hand me the register tape, say “there you go, have a nice day” and I say “thanks, you too” and go. I move along at a pace that is neither fast nor slow, and don’t look behind me to assess reactions to my limited exchange with the cashier.

I laughed all the way through this thread.
[/quote]

I draw my card and swipe it in one motion in a perfect Zen mind state…like a samurai’s Iaido technique. It lands back in my pocket and I offer a slight bow to the receipt as it drifts like a fallen cherry blossom petal on a dawn breeze to the floor.