T Nation

How To Chill Out


#1

I've been practicing this every day for quite a while now. Basically, I slow everything I do down including my breathing. I also practice sitting comfortably without moving. It's kind of like meditation but I'm actually retraining my body and mind to slow down and chill out. It feels great immediately and makes you feel more comfortable in social situations and where there are lots of people around.

At first walking slow was really hard and felt terribly awkward. But I slowly got more and more used to it and now it's my regular walk. Everything I used to do fast I now do slow. Including driving.

This happened this morning and the same thing as happened previously: in the traffic I slowly drop to the very back of the pack and drive 5-10kms slower than the speed limit nice and smoothly. Every time I move my hands to and from the wheel or anything else I do it real slow and smooth. Everything I do now is slow and I really feel much better and more relaxed. I saw another guy in a new Mercedes doing exactly the same thing. Neither of us were copying the other. We made eye contact and he gave me a smile of approval. He was an older guy dressed immaculately and had manicured finger nails. His smoothness and natural grace and control was impressive. I observed him closely and I'm working towards that kind of self control. That's what it is. It's basically mastering your emotions and body language.

I have no idea if slow, controlled demeanor might be attractive to ladies as that's something a guy like me would know nothing about.

Seriously, though it carries over to how other people treat you. If you are really slow and controlled taking your money out of your pocket at the shop the guy at the counter will think you're a high status individual because everyone else rushes to get their money out and apologises for everything and this is basically like wearing a sign saying "low status guy." Everyone else does too. Mastering your emotions is an essential skill of being a man in my opinion. It's pretty funny watching top tier execs and Doctors and so on who are skittish and nervous and look really uncomfortable and you're next to them in shorts and a singlet yet everyone knows you're top dog and the insecure phoneys know it too and can't make eye contact. They look at the ground as you go past.

There are many other benefits to learning to chill the fuck out. I wish I'd learned to do this earlier in life. Has anyone else practiced / learned this? Or any experiences with it?


#2

Really like this idea!

Reminded me directly to chill out, breath deeply and slow down!

I really thing you will like mindfulness! Gues you found out mindfulness yourself! But There are years and years of study on this. Actually it’s probaly more then 2000 years old.

Mindfulness is part meditation (observing the now) and being more conciousness of what you are doing. Like: when you bursh your teeth, only do that, and don’t think about anything else.

When I sit for 20 minutes in the morning, just observing my breath, I feel much more in control for the whole day. This effect gets stronger when you do this everyday. It’s really worth it, because the best thing to stop hurrying is non-doing.


#3

This doesnt sound very “Alpha”

Whenever I pass someone driving slowly in an expensive car, i always make the assumption that after their monthly payments, they simply cannot afford a speeding ticket.

Making eye contact and then exchanging smiles with a guy the way you deacribe sounds kinda…gay

I have no time for slowness, 24hrs/day isnt enough. We only have one life and im trying to pack in as much as possible. I get the points youre making but i am not trying to appear to be “high-class” or whatever the fuck you said. Im trying to get my groceries and be on my way cause i have like 10 things to do before the day is done.

Do you maintain your slowness in job interviews? Do you maintain it while at your workplace? Im not sure there is anything quite as inferiorating as a slow coworker


#4

[quote]carbiduis wrote:
This doesnt sound very “Alpha”

Whenever I pass someone driving slowly in an expensive car, i always make the assumption that after their monthly payments, they simply cannot afford a speeding ticket.

Making eye contact and then exchanging smiles with a guy the way you deacribe sounds kinda…gay

I have no time for slowness, 24hrs/day isnt enough. We only have one life and im trying to pack in as much as possible. I get the points youre making but i am not trying to appear to be “high-class” or whatever the fuck you said. Im trying to get my groceries and be on my way cause i have like 10 things to do before the day is done.

Do you maintain your slowness in job interviews? Do you maintain it while at your workplace? Im not sure there is anything quite as inferiorating as a slow coworker [/quote]

This made me laugh


#5

“dressed immaculately and had manicured finger nails.”


#6

I take magnesium.


#7

I tried chilling out like this one time. I decided that since I have 4 kids and a job I didn’t have time to chill out. I also found the old guy in the Mercedes with immaculate fingernails following me home a little creepy.


#8

I chilled out pretty effectively this weekend turning off my company phone and spending all my time with my wife and kids.


#9

[quote]SexMachine wrote:
If you are really slow and controlled taking your money out of your pocket at the shop the guy at the counter will think you’re a high status individual because everyone else rushes to get their money out and apologises for everything and this is basically like wearing a sign saying “low status guy.” Everyone else does too. [/quote]

Seriously?


#10

You know who takes forever to take their money our of their pocket?

Stroke victims. And assholes.


#11

Do you use dial up internetz?


#12

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
You know who takes forever to take their money our of their pocket?

Stroke victims. And assholes.[/quote]

This made me laugh. There is large senior citizen population in my area. People taking forever to pay for stuff is a fact of life. I don’t think “wow, this person is high status,” but rather “wow, that person has pretty bad arthritis and or cognitive impairment”.

I treat it as an exercise in patience and compassion when I find myself behind one of these people in line. Generally though, I just use the automated self-checkout. Seniors tend to be scared of these things and presumably guys in their 20’s dawdling in order to appear important would prefer to do so for a live cashier.


#13

I’d recommend the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle.

Crux of the book: Focus on the present moment, keep your mind off what happened in the past and do not worry on what will happen in the future. Stay in the moment.

How does this relate? Essentially doing this will relieve you of anxiety and smooth out your body language.


#14

[quote]carbiduis wrote:
This doesnt sound very “Alpha”

Whenever I pass someone driving slowly in an expensive car, i always make the assumption that after their monthly payments, they simply cannot afford a speeding ticket.

Making eye contact and then exchanging smiles with a guy the way you deacribe sounds kinda…gay

I have no time for slowness, 24hrs/day isnt enough. We only have one life and im trying to pack in as much as possible. I get the points youre making but i am not trying to appear to be “high-class” or whatever the fuck you said. Im trying to get my groceries and be on my way cause i have like 10 things to do before the day is done.

Do you maintain your slowness in job interviews? Do you maintain it while at your workplace? Im not sure there is anything quite as inferiorating as a slow coworker [/quote]

Actually, a job interview is one setting where a lot of people would benefit from deliberately slowing down. I’ve read that the rule of thumb is that you should speak about 20% slower than feels natural. The idea is that most people suffering from nerves at an interview (or presentation, or speaking engagement etc) will tend to talk way too fast without even realizing it.

There is something to be said for being patient, mindful and methodical in your actions. This can actually help you to be more productive. It allows you the time to see circumstances developing around you, to plan your next move and to make adjustments for things you wouldn’t necessarily have noticed or may have forgotten if you’re too rushed. You spend less time fixing things you missed in your haste. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast and all that. This is essential in high risk activities. You still move with a purpose, just not in the mad, half panicked rush people seem to slip into when they’re in a hurry or they think they’re “multi-tasking”.

I would sooner have a co-worker who took his time, paid attention thought things through and then took intelligent action than one who was forever charging ahead trying to git 'r done. Actually my right thumb is about half an inch shorter than it was thanks to the excessive initiative of one former coworker.

That said, what SM is describing or at least the way in which he describes it sounds like something different.


#15

It’s much better just to smoke some pot. Thats chills me out pretty well.


#16

[quote]Steez wrote:
It’s much better just to smoke some pot. Thats chills me out pretty well.[/quote]

[quote]SexMachine wrote:
Seriously, though it carries over to how other people treat you. If you are really slow and controlled taking your money out of your pocket at the shop the guy at the counter will think you’re a high status individual because everyone else rushes to get their money out and apologises for everything and this is basically like wearing a sign saying “low status guy.” Everyone else does too. Mastering your emotions is an essential skill of being a man in my opinion. It’s pretty funny watching top tier execs and Doctors and so on who are skittish and nervous and look really uncomfortable and you’re next to them in shorts and a singlet yet everyone knows you’re top dog and the insecure phoneys know it too and can’t make eye contact. They look at the ground as you go past. [/quote]

^This would probably be my reaction if I suspected the guy was high or mentally unstable.


#17

[quote]SexMachine wrote:
Mastering your emotions is an essential skill of being a man in my opinion. [/quote]

Completely agree with this.


#18

[quote]batman730 wrote:

[quote]carbiduis wrote:
This doesnt sound very “Alpha”

Whenever I pass someone driving slowly in an expensive car, i always make the assumption that after their monthly payments, they simply cannot afford a speeding ticket.

Making eye contact and then exchanging smiles with a guy the way you deacribe sounds kinda…gay

I have no time for slowness, 24hrs/day isnt enough. We only have one life and im trying to pack in as much as possible. I get the points youre making but i am not trying to appear to be “high-class” or whatever the fuck you said. Im trying to get my groceries and be on my way cause i have like 10 things to do before the day is done.

Do you maintain your slowness in job interviews? Do you maintain it while at your workplace? Im not sure there is anything quite as inferiorating as a slow coworker [/quote]

Actually, a job interview is one setting where a lot of people would benefit from deliberately slowing down. I’ve read that the rule of thumb is that you should speak about 20% slower than feels natural. The idea is that most people suffering from nerves at an interview (or presentation, or speaking engagement etc) will tend to talk way too fast without even realizing it.

There is something to be said for being patient, mindful and methodical in your actions. This can actually help you to be more productive. It allows you the time to see circumstances developing around you, to plan your next move and to make adjustments for things you wouldn’t necessarily have noticed or may have forgotten if you’re too rushed. You spend less time fixing things you missed in your haste. Slow is smooth, smooth is fast and all that. This is essential in high risk activities. You still move with a purpose, just not in the mad, half panicked rush people seem to slip into when they’re in a hurry or they think they’re “multi-tasking”.

I would sooner have a co-worker who took his time, paid attention thought things through and then took intelligent action than one who was forever charging ahead trying to git 'r done. Actually my right thumb is about half an inch shorter than it was thanks to the excessive initiative of one former coworker.

That said, what SM is describing or at least the way in which he describes it sounds like something different. [/quote]

Great post


#19

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#20

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Best thing ever invented for chilling out.[/quote]

That’s his end goal from chilling out