Get away from her. Don’t take on any baggage, man. Run for the hills!
clint: maybe she took the whole “If your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out” thing a little too literally 
v24 - seriously.
A couple questions: how drunk was she? How drunk were you? Are you sure that’s all you said? And, finally, did she give you any explanation at all (or even apologize)?
V24’s got some bible learnin’
This is an interesting thread and I’m sorry I missed it first time around.
Reading it (even though I was reading about events of 3 months ago) I was rooting for you through the no-sex thing, really I was. (And great advice, char!)
But this is too much. A woman who will not let you be yourself. . .either you’ll fight constantly, or you’ll change into someone you’re not, and hate yourself for it. Also sounds like she might have the need to constantly create drama where none exists.
Losing someone you have such passion with, and such history with, hurts and it sucks. But you need to think with your head as well as your heart, and I think your head knows you couldn’t have a lasting, successful relationship with her.
Well, I’ll chime in again.
My advice: leave her flat.
There is no excuse for anyone’s getting physical like that with anyone else. The fact that she’s a woman and you’re a guy makes absolutely no difference whatsoever. And no, being drunk doesn’t cut any ice either.
Again, I’ve been in your situation before. Dated a chick in college who thought that it was “cute” for her to reach up and slap me a bit on the cheek whenever I said something that didn’t make her happy. Sure, it was mostly in fun, and sure, it didn’t really hurt. But it was the principle of the thing, you know?
Well, we dated for a while and after a few times of thinking “WTF?” when this happened, it started getting on my nerves. So I asked her to quit. Then I told her to quit. Then I told her that if it happened again I’d slap her back. Each time, she said “Oh yeah, okay, I’m sorry.” But then a week or two later it’d start up again.
Well, one day I finally lost it. She slapped me and I turned around and slapped her back hard enough to actually knock her off the bed that we were lying on. Needless to say, that pretty much ended things right there.
The point is: if she does it to you once, she’ll do it again. And there’s no reason that anyone, ever, should have to put up with that shit. (I was a rookie back when the above story took place.) You wouldn’t put up with it from a guy friend, so why put up with it from her?
And there’s also no point in putting yourself in a situation where one day you’re going to do something that might be legally actionable.
There are other women out there. It’s time for you to move on.
Good luck.
neporm - neither of us were drunk. just started drinking so thats why i know what i said is to be true. she gave an explanation after and she thought i asked her if i could lick her neck or something. shes appologized a million times already and its getting on my nerves.
charD - funny you should mention slapping and the such. she would do things like punch me and stuff when i said something or did something “wrong”. i just never thought it would go down like that. im a pretty tough kid and ive been in quite a few fights and just demolished kids that have out sized and weighed me. im only 5’8’’ but she stands at 5’4’’ with a very very nice body to boot. if i slapped her i just might hospitalize her because of my experience with martial arts and street fighting. ill tell you the honest truth though, i really wanted to and it took all i had not too. i was raised for a time around that shit, so its sorta “in me” if you will. but the way i see it is that the cycle ends with me and goes no further ever again. im trying to move on though, but after five years or more its like i just dont know what to do any more. i feel like ive been domesticated. it sucks having to get through the small shit with woman before you can move onto more personal and interesting topics. as one of my fraternity brothers quoted in an attempt to help me in the right direction “the only way to get over a girl, is to get on a girl”, sigep rob
It sounds to me like you need to move on! char-dawg had some great advice for you. It seems like she wants more and more control over you. When you gave in to the no-sex thing, she was probably thinking of ways to restrict some of your other activities. Best advice – GOOD RIDDANCE!!!
There’s no girl hot enough to put up with her not letting you be yourself, telling you what to do, etc. You’ve just got to keep the perspective that there are 3.1 billion women in the world, and a decent subset of those are hot chicks who would like you and not have these issues.
Especially being a young guy, there is absolutely no need to sign on for that baggage train. Trust me: If you see issues and baggage, take the high road outta there. And feel free to follow the sage advice of your fraternity brother as stated above – it works well.
Char-dawg…you actually hit a woman!!! shocked
I did, in fact, slap the absolute crap out of her. As I said, it was hard enough to actually physically knock her off of the bed where she’d been lying just seconds earlier, so you can imagine.
But before anyone out there condemns me for it, listen to the background: She kept this slapping stuff up for eight months. During that time, I repeatedly asked her, told her and did everything else in my verbal power to get her to stop. She didn’t. Finally I told her that if it happened again, I’d slap her back. This was also repeated several times, as it didn’t take the first time. Finally, on the fateful day, she slapped me, not once, but twice in succession.
And that’s when I lost it. I was so angry I couldn’t hold a conversation with anyone for three entire days. Think about that.
I’m not particularly proud of what happened, but honestly, if I were in the same situation today I’d do it again. The only reason she pulled that shit is because she felt that she’d be out of harm’s way 'cause - you guessed it - she was female. (There is no way in hell that a guy of her physical dimensions would have done the same thing.)
However, knowing what I know now, I’d end the relationship a long time before it got to that point. I’d tell her once (nicely), once more (firmly) if it happened again, and if there was a third time I’d just leave her wherever we were and drive home by myself. And that would be it. Over, done with, and I’d find myself another woman - one who understood that physical violence has no place in a healthy adult relationship.
Hence my advice above.
I’ve never hit a female, but there are a few I know who deserve it. I’ve been pushed to my limit a few times, but was able to restrain myself (Char, I would have slapped the bitch too). My question is for anyone who knows the legal ramifications of this type of thing. Is spitting in someone’s face considered assault? A friend of mine claims that he witnessed his next door neighboor get arrested for assault and taken away in cuffs for spitting in his wife/gf’s face after she hit him. I don’t plan on doing this, just curious.
SCRUB: A couple of lawyers I work with confirmed to me that you could sue (or could press charges against) someone who, indeed, spit on you.
(Never went into the details, but I guess with STDs and other diseases nowadays, there`s always a risk you end up catching something you did not want. Would make sense that way.)
As for hitting back, good luck man. Its the usual Training Day line: <i>Its not what you know, it`s what you can prove. Also consider that when cops do come at your house for some domestic violence complaint, the scales are always tipped (at start, at least) in favor of the female, because of too many past historical cases).
Anyway, with all that legal stuff, do like Char suggested: get away alone. Id add: dont touch her (considering my above points), and warn her you`ll never open the door to her again and if she does come knocking back (or calling) that you will (dead serious) file harassment charges against her.
If you are serious enough, it works, specially if the girl know she`s missing a couple of bricks in the second floor…