being judgemental about her choice? no, being realistic about her tactic, whether she’s conscious of it or not. Trust me, stay in a relationship with this woman and she will always control when and how often you have sex. If that’s okay with you then fine.
Those are some murky waters there bro. I was in a similar stituation (3 years) and the no sex thing til we were really sure came up. Well one things was sure and that was that the relationship didn’t work. It’s real hard/impossible IMO to go back so to speak in a relationship once you’ve already become accustomed to things being a certain way. On another note you sound like you really want this to work so good luck. BTW if it’s not fun more that it is fun than it’s done.
i really appreciate all of your wise opinions. im glad that i brought it up here because i was not sure if it would help. you guys have all given me the point of views that i could not see. i am glad that i have such a good bunch of people to pool ideas from. thank you for taking the time to answer me because you have helped put my heart and head where i could not alone. i completely supported her descision the entire time. i also made it clear that it was just too hard to be around her now. well, we have been talking like the good friends that we are. then the kisses come back. but no pressure from me because i am a gentleman and i can respect her for her choices as a good person should. then, she cracked. she could not take it anymore and i asked her if she was “sure.” i gave her some good t-man lovin and i think we are going to remain sexually intimate now. i have learned though not to take it for granted so much now. from now on i will make sure that everytime is special in its own way because i may never know if it will be the last. if is is ment for us to be with each other than it will be so. nobody can fight that. special thanks to… well everyone. feel free to drop me one because you all are a great bunch. lata, rob h
PtrDR: is it possible that you are being a bit judgemental…closeminded and and INTOLERANT?..just a question…</font color>
Call it what you want, but if a persons choices have a potential to impact me, specially very much in a significant other situation, Ill be damned if I DO leave my brains at the door. Lets see… MSN`s dictonary definition:
JUDGE: (…)to form an opinion of somebody or something, especially after thought or consideration
What is the alternative? Flyind blind with unquestionned acceptance based on hope and untested trust? Nope. Not my cup of tea.
Reminds me the dumbness of the Star Wars Death Star setup. If people know I have hot buttons and sensitive spots (like everybody else), I would not be stupid enough to give them the blueprint until they proved to me they were indeed trustworthy. NOT the other way around.
Anyway. Like a US precident once said to the Russians: We trust and we verify.</font color> I see no problem on having simultaneously hoping for the best AND having my eyes open. Of feeling AND thinking. The best in life is when all these feedback systems (brains) chime in harmony. If the other one truly IS all that, time will prove me OK. Worst case, I have my eyes open and see the shit coming.
Not that I am a pessimist. I expect people to be above animals in their way of being. So, yes, I have to judge, and I expect them to, if I want to qualify them as Human. If they wish to prove me wrong by being substandard, it`s their choice. I see no point in wasting my time blind trial and error style in the meantime.
Life is short. Quality is rare. One needs standards to separate the wheat from the chaff. This requires judgement.
And, final note, why the hell is it almost always the guy who thinks that is presupposed to be the BAD guy? Because he pops the others fragile balloon with reality? If I do have a beef against all those feel good, dont think philosophies, its that subtle were good, youre bad, get you on the defensive, fingerpointing, now you have to prove us wrong and dont you dare question us in the process shit not so hidden (pillar) assumptions.
They`ll have to find something better than that to convince to see things their way.
yeah, that “feel good, don’t think,” mentality is a recipe for disaster in relationships. I have unhappily married guy friends who before they got married told me their fiancees were telling them to think less about the relationship and just “trust their heart.” Look where that got them…
Montrosephan:
Wake up. Its only the non-Christians that can see the truth in Christianity. I was born Catholic, went to a private school where theology was a requirement for 4 years. The bible is rife with violence, destruction, fear, and ignorance. That is the cumulative sum of the entire book. Religion is mind control; it serves no other purpose. If you look inward and find that it works for you, great.
Christians themselves can’t see anything else do to indoctrination; I guess from that standpoint you are right about non-Christians not understanding a Christian viewpoint. Its a lot like trying to understand a crack addict’s viewpoints when you aren’t a crack addict yourself.
All you have to do is get it somewhere else until she is willing to give it up again…Its simple adapt to your surroundings, if you need some go get some!! And don’t give me all that moralistic shit she won’t know and you will both be happy!!
It’s been said several ways from several people - DOOMED. Run.
A relationship is like a triangle. You have a mental, physical and emotional side. Take away one side and the triangle will collapse. Each side is as important as the other.
If her priorites have changed and yours have not then you are no longer viewing things in the same light.
The woman you started dating enjoyed the physical aspect of your relationship as much as you do. Now she wants to stop being physicaly intimate. She is not the same person you started dating.
She has made her choise and no one can condemn her for this. At the same time no one can condemn you if you break it off. If the relationship is not fulfilling you on all three levels then you shouldnt be expected to hang around for however long until it does.
What’d I tell you?
See? Char-dawg knows all, sees all…
LOL Char
YAY for you Viz!
all i have to say is that was the longest two weeks of my life. char-dawg- stunning call!!
Char knows his way around the women, that’s for sure. But will the relationship last? Hhhmmm, now that’s the question…
Yeah so does this mean she is giving up her convictions related to religion?
If so that is why I asked if she jumps around a lot. I’ve known some people who do that and sorry to say they don’t change, it’s just a good-bad cycle of variety for the most part.
If not, why did she suddenly acquire faith? Good friends recently converted? Excellent speaker got her worked up and interested?
you know, its been a long relationship. ive never had much support from my friends because most of the time she drives me crazy. i love her for it and i think because of my crazy mom i tend to like em that way. i know it sounds a bit odd but im good at dealing with it and sometimes i dont mind. ive been with her for a long time off and on. everytime we just seem to get back together. its the love. i dont know, or maybe im scared to find out, if i could ever love someone or if anyone else could ever love me that much again. every time we have broken up i have said “never again.” then comes the again. she makes me very happy when times are good. when they are bad i hate being with her. very moody woman. also very jealous of many aspects of my life. always complaining about how i put my friends first but she is a woman and from my observations women dont have as strong of a bond as most male counterparts will. the scary thing is that im going back to school. im a sigep (fraternity) and ill be living in the house. read large exposure to many temptations. parts of me say that this is the one. another part also says that i need to be alone a while because i really doubt this.
anti- she has always had faith. just decided to have a sronger adhereance to it i guess. she has always been somewhat back and forth about it.
my best friend constantly tells me i could do better. some ways i believe so because the women that i have been with when i was not with her were amazing, however… they have also been the same women that have done just outright cruel things to me and hurt me beyond belief. she is not a bad looker either. great body and a pretty decent face. but still im torn. i dont mean to waste anyones time by pouring out my relationship issues onto you guys, but i must say it is all your own faults for being such amazing people to confide in.
Have to agree with ~k~ here, there is a very strong possibility that this relationship will not last.
Doesn’t necessarily mean that you shouldn’t go for it, though.
In my case, with the aforementioned “exact same situation”, I ended up marrying the woman. Three years later I ended up divorcing her. Not to say that that’ll happen in your case, but if you guys have been on/off/on/off, chances are that you won’t ever be permanently “on”.
Still, it sounds like you’re young and in heat a lot of the time, and there aresome genuine feelings there. So take it for what it is, and enjoy it while it lasts.
Oh, and the next time some woman tries to tell you that she’s going to abstain from sex for some “higher purpose”, you’ll know how to handle the situation. Right?
And she even interferes with your nights out with the boys?
Man, she’s crazy. You want your whole life to be a miserable prison?
Jesus man, run. Run now, and don’t look back. Seriously. Been there, done that, know all about it. The best thing to do when in doubt is ALWAYS to move on. ALWAYS.
VIZ: Maybe you just love love-hate settings. Ask yourself the classic question: If you had the choice to drop her, without consequences, would you do it? Do you long for something better?
Maybe its her. Maybe its you. Only you know the terrain enough to decide.
One of the advantages of knowing different women is that eventually you get to know yourself better (see patterns) and distinguish what is really you and what is relationship X limited. Now go and farm some more. ;0)
alright, this is an old topic. just to update you on the shit that hit the fan. im at school now and its been about two or three months since this post has been up. me and my girlfriend were doing great for the first like three weeks. then she comes up and suprises me at my fraternity house. she lives two hours away. well, we get to drinking and enjoying the party thats going on when it just hits the fan. im holding the door open to the house because people are coming to the party. my girl is out there with me on the front porch. i see some girl who is wearing one of those edible necklaces from when i was about ten that we all used to love. so i say “is that one of those edible necklaces?”
and WHAM. i got punched right in the face by that crazy bitch. relationship is over. have not talked to her for three weeks. she thinks i should forgive her and take her back but i just dont think i can do it. i miss her a ton and it really sucks being without her. am i crazy not to take her back? what would you do?
What kind of Christianity is that?