[quote]t-ha wrote:
Ground flax seed does wonders for your poop, so ditch the oil. Also, lifting your knees up towards your chest supposedly aligns your colon better?
First of all, this is not a thread that needs pictures. Please refrain. Second, this is at one and the same time the funniest and the most useful thread I have read here in a long, long time. Only at a handful of sites could this conversation be taken seriously. I am glad this is one of them.
Ground flax seed is the ticket for me also. I do use psyllium on occasion but I use the good stuff from a health food store and I get the stuff in gel caps for ease of ingestion. When I am bulking, I can have BMs up to ten times per day and I kid you not. Five is normal. I have gone to the restroom and left a massive load behind only to return to my desk and have to race back to do the same thing. I wonder where it all comes from. Fortunately, I have a desk job and have no trouble getting to the restroom.
When I drive by construction sites on the highway, I see the little porta-potty shack and the guys working quite some distance away from it. I always wonder if there may be a fellow t-man on a bulking diet that gets too much cardio hoofing it back to the john several times a day.
What a bunch of pussies. “My anus hurts from wiping with rough paper. Wahhhhhh.”
I use drywall sandpaper for wiping (the mesh kind), or chicken wire, if I’m out of the mesh. Toughen up. Do you think Eugen Sandow or the other old-time strongmen complained about their shits???
I just suffered through my first hemmhoroid (sp?) a few months ago, and let me tell you it was the most miserable, agonizing experience do date for me. And I’ve done hard time (j/k).
Vigorous wiping, pushing too hard when you are constipated, and holding it too long can all contribute to the big bad H. Take care of your brown eye and it will take care of you.
You could also look into witch hazel pads, which have a cooling and numbing effect.
I think I might have to try the fiber, too… 3 or 4 times a day is normal for me. Hooray shit!
I just suffered through my first hemmhoroid (sp?) a few months ago, and let me tell you it was the most miserable, agonizing experience do date for me. And I’ve done hard time (j/k).
Vigorous wiping, pushing too hard when you are constipated, and holding it too long can all contribute to the big bad H. Take care of your brown eye and it will take care of you.
You could also look into witch hazel pads, which have a cooling and numbing effect.
I think I might have to try the fiber, too… 3 or 4 times a day is normal for me. Hooray shit![/quote]
Hemmorhoids are nothing. Try a fissure. That sucks. You young guys (anyone under 28) pay heed, you need to keep your fiber intake up or it will eventually catch up to you, and it won’t be pretty when it does.
Word to the “baby wipers”: Don’t forget to douche too while you’re at it, ladies.
Now, speaking of “good movement” foods, I must recommend nuts. When bulking, I’m eating 3 lbs of cashews, almonds, pecans, etc. a week, most of that during the space between breakfast and lunch. Apples or berries with plenty nuts. My shit comes out real good from these snacktimes, well-formed and easily passed. Needs only that “one wipe for insurance”.
[quote]Dilligaf wrote:
By the way I tried someones suggestion of wetting the toilet paper before wiping and although it was a soothing experience i think i wet the bog paper too much, on my second wipe i used to much force and my fingers went through the wet toilet paper and into my (still very dirty) hole… …
i’m looking forward to the baby wipes and hopefuly their stronger
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If you use wet toilet paper, there are a couple of tricks to avoid the fingers-through problem:
Use fairly thick, multi-folded pieces. (But flush often.)
Making them thoroughly wet is ok, but don’t over-soak them so they get too weak.
Use dry for as many of the initial wipes as you comfortably can.
After using one wet one, alternate dry with wet if you comfortably can.
Another trick that sometimes helps with stubborn, sticky residue is after doing some initial work to remove the stuff that comes off easily: put a wet piece in place and stand up with it and clench. Then sit back down and pull it out. This can also be done alternating wet pieces with dry pieces.
I spend a lot of time hiking in the mountains and one essential item for my day pack is the shit pack. I carry a roll of TP and a pack of babywipes in one compartment.
No leaves, pine cones (i’ve heard of one using that), or poison ivy, is touching my behind. Nor am I going to sacrifice a much needed sock in this environment. Nothing can spoil a day (anywhere) like the feeling of an unclean ass.
The baby wipes are a good idea and keep the hiney clean!
MaloneTD, I can relate to your story. You know their human like us, but when we first really experience our significant other dumping a little bit of our innocence is lost.
I think the ultimate answer is to have a bidet in your bathroom. These are very common in Europe but not here in the USA. A bidet is placed next to the toilet in the bathroom. After shitting, you simply transfer to the bidet and switch on the faucets. A fountain of mixed hot/cold water is directed upwards straight into your anus and cleans you out perfectly in about twenty seconds! My teenage son and his friends call it the ‘butt fountain’! We were lucky to have this installed when we were building our house - the builder knew what a bidet was and where to get one. The engineer who inspected our house said he had only seen about ten of them in a 17 year career. Anyway, this is the perfect answer, but I realise that you would have to lay out big bucks to have one installed in an existing home even if you have room.
I am surprised no one mentioned this but you can tidy up (shave) the back door area a la Duece Bigalow and that will severly cut down on wipe time. Even just trimming with clippers works very well. As someone once alluded to, what’s easier, cleaning up dog crap off the carpet or off the kitchen floor?
[quote]BluePfaltz wrote:
Dilligaf wrote:
etaco wrote:
Have a cup of coffee or strong black tea first thing in the morning and you will empty yourself out well enough that you won’t need to poop again until you get home.
The problem with this is that time is always tight in getting ready in the morning (i value my sleep, a long nice warm shower and a nice big breakfast) thus when i shit in the morning it is always a gamble and i am constantly praying that i get a nice hard, clean that takes 2 wipes to get clean, otherwise i’m just going to have to spray some deoderant around my butt.
Goddamn, the same thing with me bro, same damn thing. I try to sleep well in the morning until about 5:30 or so, and I know Im good for the day if I have to shit first thing, but I get worried if I dont, cause I dont have time to shit on the job site later on - I just wanna get it done in on the morning, first thing. Shit, Shower, Shave. The three S’s.
I found what helps is Guinness the night before if you come down with the runny shits, and stack that with pure black coffee and less milk in the morning. Do some push ups and sit ups and stretch if you absoulutey, positively need to show that turd whos boss right then and there (at home, of course). Some people who drink coffee have to shit right away, and I cant explain why that is. I wish I was one of those people though, less complication.
I down crazy protein shakes with alot of fiber, and that helps - but call me crazy, a usual good omen of a great shit is a very long clean clear piss stream. That is a good indicator I am well hydrated and my shitting will be brief and solid. If im unsure and want to time these things a bit more convieniently, Cranberry Juice with a little bit of creatine (a quarter of a scoop) and a fresh whole lemon is a potent tonic that will keep your intestines and colon in check. This is especially helpful with the wiping procedure.
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I find that the repeating wipes, with allota crap on them are due to a chunk still peeking out. I have implemented a 3rd wiping technuque to the mix. Before I do the front to back, and the back to front, I do a pinch. The pinch, you’d be surprised how much you pick off with the pinch, the follow with the f-t-b, then b-t-f.
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