T Nation

Right Way to Poop?

Ok, this is a pretty random and disgusting qeustion but here goes. You probaly should probaly finish eating before reading on…

When bulking and eating alot i am shitting 2-3, even 4 times a day, as a result when i feel the urge i want to be able to go in, squeeze it out, give a QUICK wipe and get out. Sometimes i will get nice hard shits that only take 1-2 wipes to clean (i am happy and praise the lord) but some times i get craps which are soft and it takes me ages and ages to wipe, wipe after wipe everytime i look at the bog paper it seems like there is the same amount of shit on it.

These shits are very unpleasent cause it takes ages to clean and also if i’m taking a shit at my school the toilet paper there is hard and rough and if i’m doing 3 shits a day and spendning 5 mins wiping each time my a-hole gets really sore and sometimes bleeds.

Ok…my question is weather there is a way (technique to use while shitting or is it more about eating certain foods) so that i am popping out hard, clean shits most of the time?

I know this is a pretty random question but this is the internet so i may as well pose to question.

Front to back, or back to front?

The answer to this question is the holy-grail of shitting. I wish I knew brother.

i’ve mastered both ways

I start on front to back and then when things are relatively clean (and if its one of those shits that takes an hour to wipe) i’ll alternate between front to back and back to front, always finishing on front to back

This is actually a pretty good question :slight_smile:

I would think just drinking tons of water and eating fiber would do it all, but I know from personal experience that it isn’t the case.

I found when I eat hot spicy food then the end products of that digestion are not pretty, but when eating blander foods easier on the stomache then there is much more likelihood of achieving the nirvana of hard, well lubricated stool.

I would be interested to hear other thoughts on this too as the internet is defintely the best place to be asking a question of this nature.

troop

p.s. - ROFLMAO

i dunno, take a shower after

Have a cup of coffee or strong black tea first thing in the morning and you will empty yourself out well enough that you won’t need to poop again until you get home.

[quote]beebuddy wrote:
The answer to this question is the holy-grail of shitting. I wish I knew brother.[/quote]

You know, i never thought I would read the words “holy grail of shitting” in my life. But there you go.

[quote]etaco wrote:
Have a cup of coffee or strong black tea first thing in the morning and you will empty yourself out well enough that you won’t need to poop again until you get home.[/quote]

The problem with this is that time is always tight in getting ready in the morning (i value my sleep, a long nice warm shower and a nice big breakfast) thus when i shit in the morning it is always a gamble and i am constantly praying that i get a nice hard, clean that takes 2 wipes to get clean, otherwise i’m just going to have to spray some deoderant around my butt.

You could carry in your pocket one of those portable baby wipes.

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
You could carry in your pocket one of those portable baby wipes.[/quote]

We bought those little “Kan-do” wipes for the kids when they started potty training. I can tell you they work wonders for the hairy adult ass too.

A coworker of mine mentioned that those little wipe’s are “a stripper secret” to maintainig a fresh and clean smelling behind.

If those wipes are good enough for someone who makes a living of shaking their asses in customer’s faces, they should be good enough for you.

I shit two or three times a day, and about 80% of the time things are very clean. I attribute this to an absurd amount of fiber and an immaculate diet.

All I have to add is: Let it loose, don’t push or pinch.

[quote]pookie wrote:
rrjc5488 wrote:
You could carry in your pocket one of those portable baby wipes.

We bought those little “Kan-do” wipes for the kids when they started potty training. I can tell you they work wonders for the hairy adult ass too.

A coworker of mine mentioned that those little wipe’s are “a stripper secret” to maintainig a fresh and clean smelling behind.

If those wipes are good enough for someone who makes a living of shaking their asses in customer’s faces, they should be good enough for you.
[/quote]

I second that.

They work great, but I think you’re only supposed to flush 2 at a time, so you might have to flush a little more often, but what’s a few gallons of water compared to a nice, clean, shiny ass?

Howard Stern uses them too.

Do “A” or “B”:

A) Before you start: make a preliminary visit to the stall to grab a couple of good-size pieces of t.p.; fold them up; take them to the sink; wet them; and take them back to the stall with you.

B) Buy small jars of petroleum jelly. Take one with you into the stall. After the first couple of pieces of t.p., dip each piece of t.p. into the petroleum jelly before using it.

Don’t just tough it out and rub yourself raw. You’ll regret it eventually.

[quote]Dilligaf wrote:
These shits are very unpleasent cause it takes ages to clean…

Ok…my question is weather there is a way (technique to use while shitting or is it more about eating certain foods) so that i am popping out hard, clean shits most of the time?[/quote]

Dude, I am here to help. I discovered this quite by accident, but my life has never been the same since. Before bed each night, mix 2-3 tbsp of fiber supplement in water. Metamucil will work, but I like the Publix store brand…and it’s cheaper. I also like the sugar free kind. Your toilet paper usage will drop dramatically, I promise. Drink, sleep, wake, poop, smile :slight_smile:

[quote]Dilligaf wrote:
etaco wrote:
Have a cup of coffee or strong black tea first thing in the morning and you will empty yourself out well enough that you won’t need to poop again until you get home.

The problem with this is that time is always tight in getting ready in the morning (i value my sleep, a long nice warm shower and a nice big breakfast) thus when i shit in the morning it is always a gamble and i am constantly praying that i get a nice hard, clean that takes 2 wipes to get clean, otherwise i’m just going to have to spray some deoderant around my butt.[/quote]

Goddamn, the same thing with me bro, same damn thing. I try to sleep well in the morning until about 5:30 or so, and I know Im good for the day if I have to shit first thing, but I get worried if I dont, cause I dont have time to shit on the job site later on - I just wanna get it done in on the morning, first thing. Shit, Shower, Shave. The three S’s.

I found what helps is Guinness the night before if you come down with the runny shits, and stack that with pure black coffee and less milk in the morning. Do some push ups and sit ups and stretch if you absoulutey, positively need to show that turd whos boss right then and there (at home, of course). Some people who drink coffee have to shit right away, and I cant explain why that is. I wish I was one of those people though, less complication.

I down crazy protein shakes with alot of fiber, and that helps - but call me crazy, a usual good omen of a great shit is a very long clean clear piss stream. That is a good indicator I am well hydrated and my shitting will be brief and solid. If im unsure and want to time these things a bit more convieniently, Cranberry Juice with a little bit of creatine (a quarter of a scoop) and a fresh whole lemon is a potent tonic that will keep your intestines and colon in check. This is especially helpful with the wiping procedure.

Talk about a load of shit…

Thank you for raping me mentally.

Now you can read about my shits. When i shit, its war! I feel the rumbling in the morning after my tea. I try to hold out as long as possible before I go to the throne. When I do get their I position myself and unleash the most violent convulsion possible on my bowels, in perfect synchronicity with the peristaltic movements of my GI tract. WAAAGGGHAGAHH!!! Now I am done and must cleanse both myself and the toilet.

This is the best thread ever. And I don’t just mean on T-Nation…I mean the entire internet.