At least, that’s what I do when my procrastination gets out of hand.
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere
A few of my best guesses
-
That stuff’s boring. There has got to be funner stuff you could be doing
-
There’s more important / urgent stuff in this exact moment
-
Pretty much just repeating. You either care more about other stuff that’s funner. Or you are very stressed and constantly worry about other stuff that needs more immediate attention
-
This is the hard part. You don’t really believe in whatever it is that you are procrastinating. Maybe it’s a job//business you hate, and can’t really generate the enthusiasm to do something until it comes to the last minute and becomes very urgent. Until the last minute 1 and 2 from above apply. At least the excitement/stress helps make the task less boring, and therefore more do-able. MAYBE deep down you’re hoping you eventually fail - to free you of this crap - but I think that is rare. More likely the extra speed that comes with the limited time and mounting stress just helps you maximize your cost/benefit in regards to how you spend your time
Procrastination itself may or may not be the real problem. I tend to think not. You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere, that is why you do regularly spend it elsewhere. If this happens just with paperwork then Skyz advice of a secretary makes a lot of sense. Or if it’s number 2 from above, hiring people in general might be a good idea. If its a larger problem in life and it speaks towards number 1 above then you might be heading in the wrong direction, and the subconscious knows this while the conscious hates and avoids thinking about it. True procrastination is an internal battle - means different subsets of your mind is at war with each other. Perhaps try and find something all of your minds can agree on, but that’s usually scary. Plus all parts of your mind will never agree on monotonous tasks anyways
Alright, time for me to quit this procrastinating…[/quote]
I disagree with this. Life is full of mundane bullshit and you have to learn to tolerate it if you want meaningful relationships and steady work.
Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die. – C. S. Lewis[/quote]
Which part exactly?
I kind of said a lot, and they had ‘maybe’ type set ups, and they weren’t all supposed to be a direct hit
OP was about tax returns at a job/business that he very well may hate
It’s pretty much a fact tho that he believes his time could be better spent elsewhere. That was my main theme. Is that what you disagree with? I say different parts of his mind are at war with each other. He might not have to see which one wins as they battle it out - it might actually be possible to make peace
At any given moment he is going to make the move that he considers best. Doesn’t necessarily make it the best move. So if he has a problem with taking out the trash and regular monotonous tasks, then the stuff about hating his job/business might not apply. But multi year old tax returns and tension building as business partners are all waiting on you isn’t a regular old lazy procrastination type situation. I think it might be worth some serious thought rather than trampling the rebellious thought processes. I might just be stupid, but I imagine they’ve got some incite as well…
I just skimmed over my post again and found that I let my twisted style thru a bit too much. “That stuff’s boring” was very heavily doused in sarcasm. “There has GOT to be funner stuff you could be doing”, a true statement, but doesn’t mean that he should be doing whats most fun at all times. That wouldn’t likely end well
Mine was intended to be more about ‘understanding the enemy’ so to speak instead of sharing war tactics or drawing battle plans. That doesn’t mean that war isn’t the answer - it’s just that I have some doubt if we can determine his best move from such a thin post. We only have a small idea of the full context, while he has it all. And he chooses to procrastinate on pretty major stuff… why?
I think that’s something he should be asking himself[/quote]
I do not make these decisions lightly, squating_bear. I studied your post carefully, weighing each word for validity, considering your sentences and paragraphs both in isolation and as a collective work. I’m sorry, but my position stands. I disagree.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere
A few of my best guesses
-
That stuff’s boring. There has got to be funner stuff you could be doing
-
There’s more important / urgent stuff in this exact moment
-
Pretty much just repeating. You either care more about other stuff that’s funner. Or you are very stressed and constantly worry about other stuff that needs more immediate attention
-
This is the hard part. You don’t really believe in whatever it is that you are procrastinating. Maybe it’s a job//business you hate, and can’t really generate the enthusiasm to do something until it comes to the last minute and becomes very urgent. Until the last minute 1 and 2 from above apply. At least the excitement/stress helps make the task less boring, and therefore more do-able. MAYBE deep down you’re hoping you eventually fail - to free you of this crap - but I think that is rare. More likely the extra speed that comes with the limited time and mounting stress just helps you maximize your cost/benefit in regards to how you spend your time
Procrastination itself may or may not be the real problem. I tend to think not. You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere, that is why you do regularly spend it elsewhere. If this happens just with paperwork then Skyz advice of a secretary makes a lot of sense. Or if it’s number 2 from above, hiring people in general might be a good idea. If its a larger problem in life and it speaks towards number 1 above then you might be heading in the wrong direction, and the subconscious knows this while the conscious hates and avoids thinking about it. True procrastination is an internal battle - means different subsets of your mind is at war with each other. Perhaps try and find something all of your minds can agree on, but that’s usually scary. Plus all parts of your mind will never agree on monotonous tasks anyways
Alright, time for me to quit this procrastinating…[/quote]
I disagree with this. Life is full of mundane bullshit and you have to learn to tolerate it if you want meaningful relationships and steady work.
Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die. – C. S. Lewis[/quote]
Which part exactly?
I kind of said a lot, and they had ‘maybe’ type set ups, and they weren’t all supposed to be a direct hit
OP was about tax returns at a job/business that he very well may hate
It’s pretty much a fact tho that he believes his time could be better spent elsewhere. That was my main theme. Is that what you disagree with? I say different parts of his mind are at war with each other. He might not have to see which one wins as they battle it out - it might actually be possible to make peace
At any given moment he is going to make the move that he considers best. Doesn’t necessarily make it the best move. So if he has a problem with taking out the trash and regular monotonous tasks, then the stuff about hating his job/business might not apply. But multi year old tax returns and tension building as business partners are all waiting on you isn’t a regular old lazy procrastination type situation. I think it might be worth some serious thought rather than trampling the rebellious thought processes. I might just be stupid, but I imagine they’ve got some incite as well…
I just skimmed over my post again and found that I let my twisted style thru a bit too much. “That stuff’s boring” was very heavily doused in sarcasm. “There has GOT to be funner stuff you could be doing”, a true statement, but doesn’t mean that he should be doing whats most fun at all times. That wouldn’t likely end well
Mine was intended to be more about ‘understanding the enemy’ so to speak instead of sharing war tactics or drawing battle plans. That doesn’t mean that war isn’t the answer - it’s just that I have some doubt if we can determine his best move from such a thin post. We only have a small idea of the full context, while he has it all. And he chooses to procrastinate on pretty major stuff… why?
I think that’s something he should be asking himself[/quote]
I do not make these decisions lightly, squating_bear. I studied your post carefully, weighing each word for validity, considering your sentences and paragraphs both in isolation and as a collective work. I’m sorry, but my position stands. I disagree.[/quote]
Do a favor maybe? With what do you disagree?
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere
A few of my best guesses [/quote]
This is how my post started and what it was about
You don’t like my guesses? That’s fine - that is all that they were
You don’t like the notion that there are thought processes behind the actions of procrastination?
Something else you disagree with? Cool - could be worth considering, if you don’t mind sharing
I looked at the OP and was (sarcastically) thinking to myself
Damn. He looks to be 73% on his way to a stroke or heart attack…
Then many of the responses have me (sarcastically) thinking
My God. They’re going to KILL HIM!!!
He ultimately asks the question
[quote]Test Icicle wrote:
What the fuck is wrong with me?
[/quote]
His perceptions, if anything. That is what gives birth to the actions. Those are what my posts deal with
Other peoples posts dealt with them too. Force himself into the actions, then he can see that it’s not so bad. Might work. I doubt it’s what he really wanted. Because the roots of those lie in “just do it”, which is more of the problem than the solution. If he dumps enough willpower, he of course can ‘just do it’, but that does nothing to answer his real question - I think.
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere
A few of my best guesses
-
That stuff’s boring. There has got to be funner stuff you could be doing
-
There’s more important / urgent stuff in this exact moment
-
Pretty much just repeating. You either care more about other stuff that’s funner. Or you are very stressed and constantly worry about other stuff that needs more immediate attention
-
This is the hard part. You don’t really believe in whatever it is that you are procrastinating. Maybe it’s a job//business you hate, and can’t really generate the enthusiasm to do something until it comes to the last minute and becomes very urgent. Until the last minute 1 and 2 from above apply. At least the excitement/stress helps make the task less boring, and therefore more do-able. MAYBE deep down you’re hoping you eventually fail - to free you of this crap - but I think that is rare. More likely the extra speed that comes with the limited time and mounting stress just helps you maximize your cost/benefit in regards to how you spend your time
Procrastination itself may or may not be the real problem. I tend to think not. You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere, that is why you do regularly spend it elsewhere. If this happens just with paperwork then Skyz advice of a secretary makes a lot of sense. Or if it’s number 2 from above, hiring people in general might be a good idea. If its a larger problem in life and it speaks towards number 1 above then you might be heading in the wrong direction, and the subconscious knows this while the conscious hates and avoids thinking about it. True procrastination is an internal battle - means different subsets of your mind is at war with each other. Perhaps try and find something all of your minds can agree on, but that’s usually scary. Plus all parts of your mind will never agree on monotonous tasks anyways
Alright, time for me to quit this procrastinating…[/quote]
I disagree with this. Life is full of mundane bullshit and you have to learn to tolerate it if you want meaningful relationships and steady work.
Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die. – C. S. Lewis[/quote]
Which part exactly?
I kind of said a lot, and they had ‘maybe’ type set ups, and they weren’t all supposed to be a direct hit
OP was about tax returns at a job/business that he very well may hate
It’s pretty much a fact tho that he believes his time could be better spent elsewhere. That was my main theme. Is that what you disagree with? I say different parts of his mind are at war with each other. He might not have to see which one wins as they battle it out - it might actually be possible to make peace
At any given moment he is going to make the move that he considers best. Doesn’t necessarily make it the best move. So if he has a problem with taking out the trash and regular monotonous tasks, then the stuff about hating his job/business might not apply. But multi year old tax returns and tension building as business partners are all waiting on you isn’t a regular old lazy procrastination type situation. I think it might be worth some serious thought rather than trampling the rebellious thought processes. I might just be stupid, but I imagine they’ve got some incite as well…
I just skimmed over my post again and found that I let my twisted style thru a bit too much. “That stuff’s boring” was very heavily doused in sarcasm. “There has GOT to be funner stuff you could be doing”, a true statement, but doesn’t mean that he should be doing whats most fun at all times. That wouldn’t likely end well
Mine was intended to be more about ‘understanding the enemy’ so to speak instead of sharing war tactics or drawing battle plans. That doesn’t mean that war isn’t the answer - it’s just that I have some doubt if we can determine his best move from such a thin post. We only have a small idea of the full context, while he has it all. And he chooses to procrastinate on pretty major stuff… why?
I think that’s something he should be asking himself[/quote]
I do not make these decisions lightly, squating_bear. I studied your post carefully, weighing each word for validity, considering your sentences and paragraphs both in isolation and as a collective work. I’m sorry, but my position stands. I disagree.[/quote]
Do a favor maybe? With what do you disagree?
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
You believe your time could be better spent elsewhere
A few of my best guesses [/quote]
This is how my post started and what it was about
You don’t like my guesses? That’s fine - that is all that they were
You don’t like the notion that there are thought processes behind the actions of procrastination?
Something else you disagree with? Cool - could be worth considering, if you don’t mind sharing
I looked at the OP and was (sarcastically) thinking to myself
Damn. He looks to be 73% on his way to a stroke or heart attack…
Then many of the responses have me (sarcastically) thinking
My God. They’re going to KILL HIM!!!
He ultimately asks the question
[quote]Test Icicle wrote:
What the fuck is wrong with me?
[/quote]
His perceptions, if anything. That is what gives birth to the actions. Those are what my posts deal with
Other peoples posts dealt with them too. Force himself into the actions, then he can see that it’s not so bad. Might work. I doubt it’s what he really wanted. Because the roots of those lie in “just do it”, which is more of the problem than the solution. If he dumps enough willpower, he of course can ‘just do it’, but that does nothing to answer his real question - I think. [/quote]
Not EmilyQ, but I’ll tell you what I disagree with…
1.) I don’t believe that the OP’s finding a manageable way of forcing himself to do what is necessary to discharge his obligations directly is any more likely to “KILL HIM” (or anyone else) than not doing what is necessary and stressing out about how those obligations are unfilled and hanging over his head along with the attendant consequences thereof. OP obviously feels bad about about not taking care of this stuff or he presumably wouldn’t have posted/sought help in the first place. It’s all well and good to dig into your perceptions and motives for doing/not doing things so you can find a way to more happily do what is needed or perhaps to change directions all together.
However, in the meantime, we all have obligations and I think it’s best to simply begin immediately with doing something you are able to make yourself do with minimal stress (i.e. sit at your desk and take out your pen) while you work out the other stuff in your quiet, contemplative moments. Other people are counting on the OP and we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts, feelings or motives. You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. Waiting until you can remove your internal resistance before you do a thing or simply only doing those things to which you have no internal resistance are impractical solutions.
2.) Self discipline is one of the most powerful personal freedoms one can experience in this life. The ability to do what is necessary regardless of your likes and dislikes is one of the main things that separates adults from children and effective human beings from ineffective ones. A person who is unable to do this will find it extremely difficult to be happy as they are basically no use to themselves or anyone else. I believe that this discipline must be exercised intelligently on points of maximum leverage, as one can absolutely exhaust oneself by dumping massive amounts of willpower into ineffective strategies that are doomed to failure from the outset. Nonetheless, eventually the only thing left to do is just do it, the trick is to figure out what “it” is.
3.) Whether this is what the OP “wanted” is immaterial. The advice we want often bears little resemblance to the advice we need. I agree that blame and self recrimination are worse than useless, but in the end it’s actions that solve our problems. Sometimes life sucks, this is OK. Sometimes you get to be happy, often you just need to be strong.
I think a lot of us might think we’re procrastinators but in reality we just don’t want to do something.
I mean I remember when I was young my mom would say “Why don’t you write a letter to your cousin in Scotland?” and I barely knew the guy and since I was 13 or whatever I had nothing to say…so I wouldn’t do it.
My mom would ask me a few days later if I’d written the letter yet. When I’d tell her no, she’d say I was procrastinating.
No, mom, it’s not procrastinating if you never plan to fucking do it.
[quote]batman730 wrote:
Not EmilyQ, but I’ll tell you what I disagree with…
1.) I don’t believe that the OP’s finding a manageable way of forcing himself to do what is necessary to discharge his obligations directly is any more likely to “KILL HIM” (or anyone else) than not doing what is necessary and stressing out about how those obligations are unfilled and hanging over his head along with the attendant consequences thereof. OP obviously feels bad about about not taking care of this stuff or he presumably wouldn’t have posted/sought help in the first place. It’s all well and good to dig into your perceptions and motives for doing/not doing things so you can find a way to more happily do what is needed or perhaps to change directions all together. [/quote]I don’t disagree with this
[quote]
However, in the meantime, we all have obligations and I think it’s best to simply begin immediately with doing something you are able to make yourself do with minimal stress (i.e. sit at your desk and take out your pen) while you work out the other stuff in your quiet, contemplative moments. Other people are counting on the OP and we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts, feelings or motives. You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. Waiting until you can remove your internal resistance before you do a thing or simply only doing those things to which you have no internal resistance are impractical solutions. [/quote]Yep I disagree with most of this
[quote]Other people are counting on the OP and we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts, feelings or motives.[/quote]Yes we are, as they are tied together with the actions and are not completely separable things. You can’t change the actions without having changed these things at least a little. Hold a gun to his head for example - then these have been completely changed
[quote]Waiting until you can remove your internal resistance before you do a thing or simply only doing those things to which you have no internal resistance are impractical solutions. [/quote]I did not advocate waiting
[quote] You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it.[/quote]Given a set of choices one will choose what they like most. No one is going to do it unless they most like it. A parent sacrificing for child likes (prefers) that the child has it instead of themselves.
[quote]
2.) Self discipline is one of the most powerful personal freedoms one can experience in this life. The ability to do what is necessary regardless of your likes and dislikes is one of the main things that separates adults from children and effective human beings from ineffective ones. A person who is unable to do this will find it extremely difficult to be happy as they are basically no use to themselves or anyone else. I believe that this discipline must be exercised intelligently on points of maximum leverage, as one can absolutely exhaust oneself by dumping massive amounts of willpower into ineffective strategies that are doomed to failure from the outset. Nonetheless, eventually the only thing left to do is just do it, the trick is to figure out what “it” is. [/quote]I agree with most of this - very much so, but you seem to view the word “like” as a childish thing that speaks of weakness
I disagree. If that is how I viewed the word “like”, then I would like what you said (kidding!)
What you seem to be getting at is that he needs more discipline/willpower. Could be - makes sense. I think that COULD also be a dangerous assumption that results in heart attack, but it’s only the darker and sarcastic side of me that jumps straight to that. I didn’t feel we had enough info to say that lack of discipline is the ultimate issue. He seems to be a pretty successful businessman. Maybe he just hates the IRS? Who knows?
[quote]
3.) Whether this is what the OP “wanted” is immaterial. The advice we want often bears little resemblance to the advice we need. I agree that blame and self recrimination are worse than useless, but in the end it’s actions that solve our problems. Sometimes life sucks, this is OK. Sometimes you get to be happy, often you just need to be strong.[/quote]I think if you really want to give someone advice that they can use, they have to want it. Otherwise they can very easily ignore it
If they are not sure whether or not if they want it, then it’s harder to ignore - you can even trick them sometimes. The best is when you can give them something really good that they never thought, but really like. That’s rare, but awesome.
What the OP wants is very important if you’re trying to give good advice. However, I’m not even sure that he wanted advice. He has probably obtained so much more advice on this issue than he would ever want (to repeat that means he’s likely to ignore it…)
Help with brainstorming is what I imagine he is here for
I appreciate your reply. Any ideas on the key issue?
[quote]Test Icicle wrote:
What the fuck is wrong with me?
[/quote]Is it all just lack of discipline?
[quote]colt44 wrote:
Adderall…beware, you may take over the world[/quote]
X2!!! If you don’t want to take that extreme of an approach try Spike and a cold shower or splashing cold water into your face.
[quote]RyuuKyuzo wrote:
A tax form, when looked at holistically, seems like a huge clusterfuck of nonsense to sit and work through (aintnobodygottimeforthat.JPG). Just do each section one part at a time. Your name, first box, second box, ect. Don’t even think about what comes after the part you’re on. Simplify the entire thing to one tiny part, do it, then move on. Once it’s done, it’s dead. In the fucking ground, and you never think about it again.
Everything you’ve done doesn’t exist. Everything you still have to do doesn’t exist either, and if you start to slip up, slap yourself in the face as hard as humanly possible.
Don’t be your brain’s bitch. [/quote]
This is so true about a lot of things. Some things seem insurmountable until you break it up into chunks and attack each piece individually with a schedule of exactly when to do it. This, I picked up and learned by necessity in grad school.
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
[quote]batman730 wrote:
Not EmilyQ, but I’ll tell you what I disagree with…
1.) I don’t believe that the OP’s finding a manageable way of forcing himself to do what is necessary to discharge his obligations directly is any more likely to “KILL HIM” (or anyone else) than not doing what is necessary and stressing out about how those obligations are unfilled and hanging over his head along with the attendant consequences thereof. OP obviously feels bad about about not taking care of this stuff or he presumably wouldn’t have posted/sought help in the first place. It’s all well and good to dig into your perceptions and motives for doing/not doing things so you can find a way to more happily do what is needed or perhaps to change directions all together. [/quote]I don’t disagree with this
[quote]
However, in the meantime, we all have obligations and I think it’s best to simply begin immediately with doing something you are able to make yourself do with minimal stress (i.e. sit at your desk and take out your pen) while you work out the other stuff in your quiet, contemplative moments. Other people are counting on the OP and we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts, feelings or motives. You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. Waiting until you can remove your internal resistance before you do a thing or simply only doing those things to which you have no internal resistance are impractical solutions. [/quote]Yep I disagree with most of this
[quote]Other people are counting on the OP and we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts, feelings or motives.[/quote]Yes we are, as they are tied together with the actions and are not completely separable things. You can’t change the actions without having changed these things at least a little. Hold a gun to his head for example - then these have been completely changed
[quote]Waiting until you can remove your internal resistance before you do a thing or simply only doing those things to which you have no internal resistance are impractical solutions. [/quote]I did not advocate waiting
[quote] You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it.[/quote]Given a set of choices one will choose what they like most. No one is going to do it unless they most like it. A parent sacrificing for child likes (prefers) that the child has it instead of themselves.
[quote]
2.) Self discipline is one of the most powerful personal freedoms one can experience in this life. The ability to do what is necessary regardless of your likes and dislikes is one of the main things that separates adults from children and effective human beings from ineffective ones. A person who is unable to do this will find it extremely difficult to be happy as they are basically no use to themselves or anyone else. I believe that this discipline must be exercised intelligently on points of maximum leverage, as one can absolutely exhaust oneself by dumping massive amounts of willpower into ineffective strategies that are doomed to failure from the outset. Nonetheless, eventually the only thing left to do is just do it, the trick is to figure out what “it” is. [/quote]I agree with most of this - very much so, but you seem to view the word “like” as a childish thing that speaks of weakness
I disagree. If that is how I viewed the word “like”, then I would like what you said (kidding!)
What you seem to be getting at is that he needs more discipline/willpower. Could be - makes sense. I think that COULD also be a dangerous assumption that results in heart attack, but it’s only the darker and sarcastic side of me that jumps straight to that. I didn’t feel we had enough info to say that lack of discipline is the ultimate issue. He seems to be a pretty successful businessman. Maybe he just hates the IRS? Who knows?
[quote]
3.) Whether this is what the OP “wanted” is immaterial. The advice we want often bears little resemblance to the advice we need. I agree that blame and self recrimination are worse than useless, but in the end it’s actions that solve our problems. Sometimes life sucks, this is OK. Sometimes you get to be happy, often you just need to be strong.[/quote]I think if you really want to give someone advice that they can use, they have to want it. Otherwise they can very easily ignore it
If they are not sure whether or not if they want it, then it’s harder to ignore - you can even trick them sometimes. The best is when you can give them something really good that they never thought, but really like. That’s rare, but awesome.
What the OP wants is very important if you’re trying to give good advice. However, I’m not even sure that he wanted advice. He has probably obtained so much more advice on this issue than he would ever want (to repeat that means he’s likely to ignore it…)
Help with brainstorming is what I imagine he is here for
I appreciate your reply. Any ideas on the key issue?
[quote]Test Icicle wrote:
What the fuck is wrong with me?
[/quote]Is it all just lack of discipline?[/quote]
Not EmilyQ either but I sensed some serious tongue in cheek with her last post and think she’s screwing with you a little bit.
[quote]squating_bear wrote:
[quote]batman730 wrote:
Not EmilyQ, but I’ll tell you what I disagree with…
1.) I don’t believe that the OP’s finding a manageable way of forcing himself to do what is necessary to discharge his obligations directly is any more likely to “KILL HIM” (or anyone else) than not doing what is necessary and stressing out about how those obligations are unfilled and hanging over his head along with the attendant consequences thereof. OP obviously feels bad about about not taking care of this stuff or he presumably wouldn’t have posted/sought help in the first place. It’s all well and good to dig into your perceptions and motives for doing/not doing things so you can find a way to more happily do what is needed or perhaps to change directions all together. [/quote]I don’t disagree with this
[quote]
However, in the meantime, we all have obligations and I think it’s best to simply begin immediately with doing something you are able to make yourself do with minimal stress (i.e. sit at your desk and take out your pen) while you work out the other stuff in your quiet, contemplative moments. Other people are counting on the OP and we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts, feelings or motives. You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. Waiting until you can remove your internal resistance before you do a thing or simply only doing those things to which you have no internal resistance are impractical solutions. [/quote]Yep I disagree with most of this
[quote]Other people are counting on the OP and we are held accountable for our actions, not our thoughts, feelings or motives.[/quote]Yes we are, as they are tied together with the actions and are not completely separable things. You can’t change the actions without having changed these things at least a little. Hold a gun to his head for example - then these have been completely changed
[quote]Waiting until you can remove your internal resistance before you do a thing or simply only doing those things to which you have no internal resistance are impractical solutions. [/quote]I did not advocate waiting
[quote] You don’t have to like it, you just have to do it.[/quote]Given a set of choices one will choose what they like most. No one is going to do it unless they most like it. A parent sacrificing for child likes (prefers) that the child has it instead of themselves.
[quote]
2.) Self discipline is one of the most powerful personal freedoms one can experience in this life. The ability to do what is necessary regardless of your likes and dislikes is one of the main things that separates adults from children and effective human beings from ineffective ones. A person who is unable to do this will find it extremely difficult to be happy as they are basically no use to themselves or anyone else. I believe that this discipline must be exercised intelligently on points of maximum leverage, as one can absolutely exhaust oneself by dumping massive amounts of willpower into ineffective strategies that are doomed to failure from the outset. Nonetheless, eventually the only thing left to do is just do it, the trick is to figure out what “it” is. [/quote]I agree with most of this - very much so, but you seem to view the word “like” as a childish thing that speaks of weakness
I disagree. If that is how I viewed the word “like”, then I would like what you said (kidding!)
What you seem to be getting at is that he needs more discipline/willpower. Could be - makes sense. I think that COULD also be a dangerous assumption that results in heart attack, but it’s only the darker and sarcastic side of me that jumps straight to that. I didn’t feel we had enough info to say that lack of discipline is the ultimate issue. He seems to be a pretty successful businessman. Maybe he just hates the IRS? Who knows?
[quote]
3.) Whether this is what the OP “wanted” is immaterial. The advice we want often bears little resemblance to the advice we need. I agree that blame and self recrimination are worse than useless, but in the end it’s actions that solve our problems. Sometimes life sucks, this is OK. Sometimes you get to be happy, often you just need to be strong.[/quote]I think if you really want to give someone advice that they can use, they have to want it. Otherwise they can very easily ignore it
If they are not sure whether or not if they want it, then it’s harder to ignore - you can even trick them sometimes. The best is when you can give them something really good that they never thought, but really like. That’s rare, but awesome.
What the OP wants is very important if you’re trying to give good advice. However, I’m not even sure that he wanted advice. He has probably obtained so much more advice on this issue than he would ever want (to repeat that means he’s likely to ignore it…)
Help with brainstorming is what I imagine he is here for
I appreciate your reply. Any ideas on the key issue?
[quote]Test Icicle wrote:
What the fuck is wrong with me?
[/quote]Is it all just lack of discipline?[/quote]
If my quote fu were not so weak I would break this up and respond point by point. People have explained it to me before and I tried but it all went horribly sideways, so bear with me.
Regarding whether you are held accountable for you actions/results or your feelings and motives: I appreciate what you are saying about how are actions will flow from our thoughts etc. However, if I don’t “feel” like going to work (which some days I don’t) but do it anyway (which I nearly always do), my clients will get service and I will be compensated the same as if I felt like it. My family will be provided for. My integrity will remain intact. It would be better if I could find a way to always be happy, even ecstatic about doing it, but in the meantime too many people are counting on me for me to check out until I find my happy place again about my job. But that’s just me.
Regarding whether it is necessary to like it or just do it: for the first 3 months of my daughter’s life I never slept more than one hour a time, 24/7. I am not exaggerating. I did not like this. At all. However I did do it and the results were essentially the same as if I had liked it (i.e. my wife was able to rest and recover from a complicated pregnancy and a difficult labour and delivery). I did not like the action but I suppose I liked the results, or at least I disliked them less than the alternatives. Countless others throughout history have done things infinitely more difficult that they liked infinitely less in order to produce a result they were committed to. I suppose if the OP can honestly say to himself that he dislikes the results of his current actions less than he dislikes taking steps to change those results, then it is not necessary for him to change his actions and those who are affected by those actions will need to sort it out for themselves.
Regarding whether people must want the advice that they are given: if it is true, it is true. When I was in the health food business, lots of people wanted fat loss advice that revolved around taking X new magic bullet supplement(s) and basically doing everything else the same. They got fat loss advice that had to do with daily nutrition and exercise practices supported by taking some basic supplementation. Whether or not this is what they wanted, I don’t know, but it was the “truth” as far as my knowledge and training at the time were concerned. Whether or not they chose to act on the information was entirely their responsibility.
The OP is of course free to disregard any and all advice and continue exactly as he has been or go another direction completely that he chooses on his own. I expect that this is the most likely outcome. It seems to me that all any of us can do is provide the best information we are able to based on our own knowledge and experiences. I absolutely agree that he has in all likelihood received far more advice on the topic than he ever wanted (both here and elsewhere), but be that as it may I don’t see how I can give him anything other than what I believe to be the truth. This is not a complex problem. Not the doing stuff part of it. The feeling part of it, more so, but I still hold that in the immediate future what we do is far more important than what we feel.
This, to me, IS the “key issue”.
This is really the entire crux of the matter. When I worked in the diet/nutrition business (did we all?) I had clients tell me all the time about the barriers to whatever we were talking about. My response was simple: Of course you can do what you want to do, but if what you want to do is lose weight, then what you need to do is follow the program.
And it’s really just that simple. If what you want to do is something else entirely (binge because your mother criticized you) then what you need to do is whatever it takes to achieve that end.
Now, why would you say that?!
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
This is really the entire crux of the matter. When I worked in the diet/nutrition business (did we all?) I had clients tell me all the time about the barriers to whatever we were talking about. My response was simple: Of course you can do what you want to do, but if what you want to do is lose weight, then what you need to do is follow the program.
And it’s really just that simple. If what you want to do is something else entirely (binge because your mother criticized you) then what you need to do is whatever it takes to achieve that end.
Now, why would you say that?![/quote]
Cuz you teh kitteh with a sniper rifle. Playful but precise.
The key to really smashing procrastination is to FULLY, viscerally & vividly EMBRACE the negative reality YOUR procrastinatory inactions are ultimately edging you towards. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY!! smash yourself accross your face with them. GET really, really angry with yourself, allow yourself to scream & or cry about it in some some crazed emo-tantrum artist fashion about how much of of feckless imbicile you are being!
Then and only then have you truly started to build into your psyche the neccessary chair of discomfort that is going to make you feel sufficiently UNCOMFORTABLE enough with NOT taking the appropriate actions to take yourself forward in life.
Imagine you are an old man bitterly lamenting ‘what could have been’ <<<Lots of those fuckers around!! Don’t let yourself become one of them. Choose you ‘seat’ carefully.
I’d also say, accepting the fact the you quite likely get a rather smug, silly little ‘kick’ out of always or often getting stuff done ‘just in the nick of time’ is also important <<<This ultimately just reinforces avoidant habits
[quote]GorillaMon wrote:
The key to really smashing procrastination is to FULLY, viscerally & vividly EMBRACE the negative reality YOUR procrastinatory inactions are ultimately edging you towards. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY!! smash yourself accross your face with them. GET really, really angry with yourself, allow yourself to scream & or cry about it in some some crazed emo-tantrum artist fashion about how much of of feckless imbicile you are being!
Then and only then have you truly started to build into your psyche the neccessary chair of discomfort that is going to make you feel sufficiently UNCOMFORTABLE enough with NOT taking the appropriate actions to take yourself forward in life.
Imagine you are an old man bitterly lamenting ‘what could have been’ <<<Lots of those fuckers around!! Don’t let yourself become one of them. Choose you ‘seat’ carefully.
I’d also say, accepting the fact the you quite likely get a rather smug, silly little ‘kick’ out of always or often getting stuff done ‘just in the nick of time’ is also important <<<This ultimately just reinforces avoidant habits [/quote]
^this
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]GorillaMon wrote:
The key to really smashing procrastination is to FULLY, viscerally & vividly EMBRACE the negative reality YOUR procrastinatory inactions are ultimately edging you towards. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY!! smash yourself accross your face with them. GET really, really angry with yourself, allow yourself to scream & or cry about it in some some crazed emo-tantrum artist fashion about how much of of feckless imbicile you are being!
Then and only then have you truly started to build into your psyche the neccessary chair of discomfort that is going to make you feel sufficiently UNCOMFORTABLE enough with NOT taking the appropriate actions to take yourself forward in life.
Imagine you are an old man bitterly lamenting ‘what could have been’ <<<Lots of those fuckers around!! Don’t let yourself become one of them. Choose you ‘seat’ carefully.
I’d also say, accepting the fact the you quite likely get a rather smug, silly little ‘kick’ out of always or often getting stuff done ‘just in the nick of time’ is also important <<<This ultimately just reinforces avoidant habits [/quote]
^this[/quote]
Yea I think I said it on page 1, stop being a dick and grow the fuck up
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]GorillaMon wrote:
The key to really smashing procrastination is to FULLY, viscerally & vividly EMBRACE the negative reality YOUR procrastinatory inactions are ultimately edging you towards. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY!! smash yourself accross your face with them. GET really, really angry with yourself, allow yourself to scream & or cry about it in some some crazed emo-tantrum artist fashion about how much of of feckless imbicile you are being!
Then and only then have you truly started to build into your psyche the neccessary chair of discomfort that is going to make you feel sufficiently UNCOMFORTABLE enough with NOT taking the appropriate actions to take yourself forward in life.
Imagine you are an old man bitterly lamenting ‘what could have been’ <<<Lots of those fuckers around!! Don’t let yourself become one of them. Choose you ‘seat’ carefully.
I’d also say, accepting the fact the you quite likely get a rather smug, silly little ‘kick’ out of always or often getting stuff done ‘just in the nick of time’ is also important <<<This ultimately just reinforces avoidant habits [/quote]
^this[/quote]
Yea I think I said it on page 1, stop being a dick and grow the fuck up[/quote]
lol
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]GorillaMon wrote:
The key to really smashing procrastination is to FULLY, viscerally & vividly EMBRACE the negative reality YOUR procrastinatory inactions are ultimately edging you towards. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY!! smash yourself accross your face with them. GET really, really angry with yourself, allow yourself to scream & or cry about it in some some crazed emo-tantrum artist fashion about how much of of feckless imbicile you are being!
Then and only then have you truly started to build into your psyche the neccessary chair of discomfort that is going to make you feel sufficiently UNCOMFORTABLE enough with NOT taking the appropriate actions to take yourself forward in life.
Imagine you are an old man bitterly lamenting ‘what could have been’ <<<Lots of those fuckers around!! Don’t let yourself become one of them. Choose you ‘seat’ carefully.
I’d also say, accepting the fact the you quite likely get a rather smug, silly little ‘kick’ out of always or often getting stuff done ‘just in the nick of time’ is also important <<<This ultimately just reinforces avoidant habits [/quote]
^this[/quote]
Yea I think I said it on page 1, stop being a dick and grow the fuck up[/quote]
lol[/quote]
If one of my partners was like this, well its the south and I would take his ass behind the woodshed.
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]GorillaMon wrote:
The key to really smashing procrastination is to FULLY, viscerally & vividly EMBRACE the negative reality YOUR procrastinatory inactions are ultimately edging you towards. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY!! smash yourself accross your face with them. GET really, really angry with yourself, allow yourself to scream & or cry about it in some some crazed emo-tantrum artist fashion about how much of of feckless imbicile you are being!
Then and only then have you truly started to build into your psyche the neccessary chair of discomfort that is going to make you feel sufficiently UNCOMFORTABLE enough with NOT taking the appropriate actions to take yourself forward in life.
Imagine you are an old man bitterly lamenting ‘what could have been’ <<<Lots of those fuckers around!! Don’t let yourself become one of them. Choose you ‘seat’ carefully.
I’d also say, accepting the fact the you quite likely get a rather smug, silly little ‘kick’ out of always or often getting stuff done ‘just in the nick of time’ is also important <<<This ultimately just reinforces avoidant habits [/quote]
^this[/quote]
Yea I think I said it on page 1, stop being a dick and grow the fuck up[/quote]
lol[/quote]
If one of my partners was like this, well its the south and I would take his ass behind the woodshed. [/quote]
Be careful with your wording
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[quote]spar4tee wrote:
[quote]GorillaMon wrote:
The key to really smashing procrastination is to FULLY, viscerally & vividly EMBRACE the negative reality YOUR procrastinatory inactions are ultimately edging you towards. I mean, really, really, really, REALLY!! smash yourself accross your face with them. GET really, really angry with yourself, allow yourself to scream & or cry about it in some some crazed emo-tantrum artist fashion about how much of of feckless imbicile you are being!
Then and only then have you truly started to build into your psyche the neccessary chair of discomfort that is going to make you feel sufficiently UNCOMFORTABLE enough with NOT taking the appropriate actions to take yourself forward in life.
Imagine you are an old man bitterly lamenting ‘what could have been’ <<<Lots of those fuckers around!! Don’t let yourself become one of them. Choose you ‘seat’ carefully.
I’d also say, accepting the fact the you quite likely get a rather smug, silly little ‘kick’ out of always or often getting stuff done ‘just in the nick of time’ is also important <<<This ultimately just reinforces avoidant habits [/quote]
^this[/quote]
Yea I think I said it on page 1, stop being a dick and grow the fuck up[/quote]
lol[/quote]
If one of my partners was like this, well its the south and I would take his ass behind the woodshed. [/quote]
Be careful with your wording[/quote]
lol
[quote]theBeth wrote:
[quote]carbiduis wrote:
[quote]coyotegal wrote:
I own my own business and I kind of have the same problem. Not to that extent, tho I do see how it can happen!
We went through some serious financial hard times, an audit, and a fire all around the same time. I became so overwhelmed trying to pay shit with nothing and dealing with creditors, insurance, lawyers, etc that I almost froze. I would not even look at bills or in the account until I absolutely had too. I did no paper work at all. I did not fill out any goverment returns, nothing. If I didnt look at it or face it then it couldnt ‘hurt’ me.
For me it was stress, and I just shut down. At the end I procrastinated EVERYTHING, even silly things like closing cupboards.
I MADE myself begin to pluck away at shit. Before we were shut down or something, lol.
Its taken a long time but we are now back on track.
The bad habbits still like to rear their heads tho, ex; this month was a slow month and I have anxiety to look into the account and pay the bills (even tho the money is there right now) I think it scarred me for life!
I think its like a burn out. Being in business is TOUGH!
So not much advice, but I have been there and know how horrible it feels.
You WILL feel better tho each time to take a chunk out of the work no matter how small it is.
Make a small list each day. Like maybe only 5 simple things. Tackle them and scratch that shit off. It feels good![/quote]
You own you’re own business and you spell “though” t-h-o??
Th only ppl I knw who typ lk tht ar lazy engr stdnts frm th Mddl east[/quote]
*Your[/quote]
I actually let that one out there cor cyote girl, but she missed it…
I’d rather be incorrect than lazy