I’ll keep you in my prayers Nate. Stay strong and just ask if you need anything.
-ton
[quote]Nate Dogg wrote:
He treats it like an everyday business transaction. I don’t know how he does it.
[/quote]
He has to treat it this way. He has gone through so much pain and frustration and worry in the past that this is going to be a release for him. It would be so much harder on you and your family if he wasn’t able to accept this situation and was in denial. He must be a very strong, grounded man to be able to act this way.
[quote]Nate Dogg wrote:
I feel guilty because maybe I didn’t do enough to help him this past year. I feel guilty because I’ve been more concerned about paying off my bills and getting my own place because I don’t want to live here. I feel guilty because I didn’t spend enough time with him my whole life. I feel guilty that I’ve been selfish.
[/quote]
Nate, even if you had done everything in your power to be a good son, by your standards, (and I believe you did) you would still find something to feel guilty about. Let it go. What matters now is being there with and for him.
You can’t spend all your time focused on someone else’s life and you needed to do the things you did, especially in regards to bills, to keep your own life on track. He’ll be happier to leave you in a good situation than to see you struggling in debt after devoting every waking hour to him.
Don’t let past actions cloud the feelings you have now and focus on making his last months as happy as possible. I know the thought of losing him is depressing and hard to face. Realize that you have been given a gift of valuable time and cherish it. Imagine how you would feel if he had just passed without warning and you didn’t have a chance to say or do everything you wanted to.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Thank you everyone. I appreciate all your prayers, thoughts and advice.
We are all trying to get as much quality time with him as we can while we have the chance. I’m glad he’s getting married, going on a cruise and working to make things easier for everyone involved. We’re going to have a family get together in April and spend a weekend together at the beach to discuss how we all feel and to spend quality time together while knowing my father’s wishes.
Thanks again for all of your help. It is greatly appreciated.
Nate, I’m so sorry. I wish I had something more to say. 
Congrats to your dad on his upcoming wedding. 
That’s wonderful.
I’ll be thinking of all of you. Take care and enjoy the time you have left.
love,
Carrie
I am sorry to hear the news about your father. I shall keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless.
Damn, really sorry to hear that Nate. I won’t bullshit you and say something nice, because this won’t be nice, nor pretty, and you know that. You must find and keep the resolve to get through this for at least your sake. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best because this will be hell you’ll experience. Use this thread to vent and seek comfort from us. And make sure you stay close to Stacey, she will be more of a support than you realize right now.
Above all, stay strong.
[quote]BIGRAGOO wrote:
Use this thread to vent and seek comfort from us. And make sure you stay close to Stacey, she will be more of a support than you realize right now.
Above all, stay strong. [/quote]
I will use this thread for exactly that.
As for Stacey, I’ve been so stressed with everything going on (including job/financial stuff), that I’ve been pushing my stress on her and it was affecting our relationship. I was taking it out on her, and it wasn’t fair to her or our relationship.
My stress levels are so high, and I don’t want to mess up our relationship in the process. We talked about it last night, as she brought it to my attention that she wasn’t happy with things and that I was taking it out on her. I couldn’t deny it. I was, and I didn’t realize it.
We’re trying to fix it so it won’t happen again. I definitely need her support, as she has been a lifesaver for the last 7-8 months we’ve been together. She’s seen me go through it all.
Nate, all the best and may the strength be with you.
Geek boy
Nate,
You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I’ve been through a similar experience with my grandmother 10 years ago in March. She was like my second mother. Just cherish the time you have with your father now and be strong. Don’t let those past regrets weigh you down. God bless.
My mothers sister just died, it was sudden and abrupt. Very over weight she stepped off the plane and onto spanish ground and collapsed, and not to get up again…The hardest thing for me was watching my mother in agonizing pain. But we come from a place were death does happen frequently, and from many ways it happens…being the strong woman that she was she explained to me. This can’t be a be all sad, it’s not a bad thing it’s a natural thing son. Of course I miss her and wish I could be back home with her. But this is natural and when it’s your time it’s your time.
I would rather celebrate the life of my sister and what a beautiful person she was rather than dwell on the thought of death. I think the main thing for you would be to know that it’s not your time until it’s your time, and that doctor is not god, nor can he determine an end, only god can. Enjoy every last minute with your father, and don’t live the future now, alot of people do that. Don’t anticipate what is goin to happen. Confuscius once said " the anticipation of death, is worse than death itself" I’m praying for you bro, and although I don’t really know, am truly proud and admire that you can be so strong.
[quote]Nate Dogg wrote:
I will use this thread for exactly that.
As for Stacey, I’ve been so stressed with everything going on (including job/financial stuff), that I’ve been pushing my stress on her and it was affecting our relationship. I was taking it out on her, and it wasn’t fair to her or our relationship.
My stress levels are so high, and I don’t want to mess up our relationship in the process. We talked about it last night, as she brought it to my attention that she wasn’t happy with things and that I was taking it out on her. I couldn’t deny it. I was, and I didn’t realize it.
We’re trying to fix it so it won’t happen again. I definitely need her support, as she has been a lifesaver for the last 7-8 months we’ve been together. She’s seen me go through it all.
[/quote]
I can’t blame you for taking out your frustration and stress on Stacey. That’s what happens in a time of crisis. But you do need to explain yourself better to her after any episode to keep from pushing her away or otherwise hurting your relationship. She is stressed for you and I’m sure she wants to help as much as she can, so lean on her and vent your feelings before they build up and erupt into something nasty towards her. I know you’re already under a shit load of stress, but try to keep her close and not close yourself within your own sorrow and misery. That will not only kill your relationship, but will hurt you for many years. This is a time to put all nonsense aside and stay focused on what is really important. This will be a bumpy ride, so you will need to be as clear headed as you can be to get through it with your sanity. You have the strength and support, you just have to use. Best wishes Nate.
I don’t have the words, but I find some solace in this:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
– William Ernest Henley
Stay strong in all ways.
Keep the faith, Nate.
Your dad and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.
As for your relationship with Stacey, just be as honest with her as you can. Let her know if you’re having a bad day and are grouchy/moody; she’ll likely understand you better that will and can also give you space on the days you need it. She will be there for you, just make sure to open up and speak the truth, no matter how painful.
If you neeed anything, let me know.
-Dan
Nate, my thoughts are with you and your family. Just remember to cherish every moment. Don’t be afraid to let your dad see you cry. He would probably rather know the truth about your feelings than know you are keeping it all inside. He needs to know that you love him, and you’re there for him.
Take care of yourself…there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel.
~Michelle
I don’t have the words, but I find some solace in this:
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate;
I am the captain of my soul.
– William Ernest Henley
Stay strong in all ways.
Nate
Never put flowers on graves, but give them to the living.
You have the opportunity to spend your fathers last days with him. This may not seem like a “bright side” but this may be the most memorable time of your life. What memories you make is entirely your choice.
Don’t spend energy on worries. The finances will sort themselves out. Or they won’t. There is nothing you can do about it. You have a big support network, so spend yourself on your father.
Vent if you need to, but don’t waste yourself on negativity. Things are as they are supposed to be, and someday you will understand.
You are in our prayers.
Nate Dogg,
I just now read this thread,and my heart goes out to you.You’re actually blessed and cursed at the same time.Two years ago,my father died of a heart attack,it was unexpected and out of the blue.At the time of his death,we weren’t on speaking terms,just some stupid disagreement we had.I regret that every day of my life since then that I didn’t tell him how much I loved him before he died.I know you’re life seems dark and void,but you are blessed that you can devote your time and energy to making his last days more enjoyable.PM me if you need support,I’ll be there for you.
nate, you , your father and your whole family will be in my prayers.
Nate, so sorry to hear this,
Stay strong brother!
Nate,
Very sorry to hear about your dad. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in '79 and was given one year to live. She made it to '94…So I’m just saying you never know.
Please try not to let the guilt get to you. Remember that the feeling of guilt is totally and completely natural. We all go through it when losing someone. So go ahead and allow yourself to feel it…but please don’t let it overwhelm you.