T Nation

Nate Dogg's Hour of Need


#1

Many of you already know the issues I've faced for the past year (financial, dad with cancer, job issues, etc.). So I don't want to get into all the specifics as I've already posted about it before.

My dad was doing well after his last surgery and radiation/chemo treatments in August. Although, he was still having problems a few months later that should have gone away.

His doctors recently brought him back in for a multitude of tests, Cat Scans, MRI's, X-rays, PETA scan and bloodwork.

We knew something was terribly wrong when the X-rays and Cat scans picked up some new things earlier this week. After talking to his doctors, we found out the worst news of all.

The cancer is back.

An entire year later, when we thought it was gone and he was getting better.

Only this time, it has spread to his bones (spine/shoulder), his lungs and his colon (two spots). He is going through radiation treatment on his shoulder and spine to help alleviate the pain he faces every day.

However, he will not be getting chemo because the treatments will only make him sick and will have no effect on the cancer because of how far it has gone.

We found out yesterday that the doctor's have given him 4-6 months before he dies.

My dad seems to have accepted this. As he has had "a feeling" that he was dying that started a few months ago. He hears voices at night and he even thinks he sees/hears things. I don't know how he has remained so calm.

We are frantically trying to give him the best possible quality of life for the next few months. Hospice will be coming in to make things better at home. And he's trying to do some things for the next few months before his condition gets worse.

He's even getting married on Tuesday to his life-long love. She has been a blessing for us, as she has helped my dad in many ways. Because they are both RN's, they also know a lot more about everything that is happening and how to deal with things.

He will be visiting family and going on a cruise...trying to do the little things he never had a chance to do before.

In addition to knowing that my father is dying, we are potentially faced with some financial issues as well. When my dad went on long-term disability, he was terminated from his job with Shands as a flight nurse on ShandsCair.

Because of this, he has lost many of his benefits (he's paying for Cobra each month to keep health coverage and he has no more life insurance). He was even worried that he could lose the house. His main concern seems to be taking care of us (me, my brother and sister), and he's worried that he won't be able to do so.

He's meeting with a financial planner next week to see what he can do. My dad's girlfriend and I are helping him financially as well. Him leaving us something behind isn't even a concern of mine. I told him it doesn't matter. We will be fine, we just want him to be better.

This is a horrible situation to be in. Here we are, trying to make him comfortable, trying to do whatever he wants to do while he can, and trying to figure out burial arrangements, finances, etc. He treats it like an everyday business transaction. I don't know how he does it. I don't know how he remains so strong.

All this time, I thought he was getting better. And when he was having problems, I thought that maybe he just needed to try harder. Maybe he just needed to eat more good food. Maybe he needed to try to get more exercise or treatment.

I feel guilty that I was angry because he wasn't getting better, and I blammed him for not trying hard enough. I feel guilty because maybe I didn't do enough to help him this past year. I feel guilty because I've been more concerned about paying off my bills and getting my own place because I don't want to live here. I feel guilty because I didn't spend enough time with him my whole life. I feel guilty that I've been selfish.

These next few months are going to be rough. I may not be on here much because of everything going on, but I will check in when I can to give updates.

The only good things right now are that Stacey has been a huge support system for me, and I have been offered a new job. I'm actually waiting to hear back from a second job to make a decision on which one to choose. So that's one good thing. It just doesn't feel that great when other things are not so good.

I hope to continue to train consitently, as that has been the one thing that has helped me the most during the past year, and I don't want to fall into a depression as I did before.

I'm glad to have the love and support of Stacey, my family, my friends, and those of you who know me or may not know me on T-Nation.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers for my dad, myself and those around me.


#2

Nate, I'm truly sorry to hear about your father. My prayer's are with you and yours throughout this sad time.


#3

Nate,
I'm really sorry to hear that.

Just know that doctors have been very wrong about approximate dates many times before, and even if they're correct, it's definitley not going to be the end of him.

Nobody can stop life from happening and death is a natural part of life that will happen to everyone. Don't feel guilty!

Celebrate the life he has already lived and is living now. He sounds like one hell of a strong person to be taking the news so well.

Making those arrangments is just the smart, responsible thing to do and your father knows it. Try not to let it get him or you down.

Talk about anything and everything. Don't hold back emotions, they too are a natural part of life. Let him know now how much you love and admire him.

Stay strong. My thoughts and prayers are with him.


#4

Nate, my grandmother went through the same. I don't know if I told you this or not but it pretty much consumed my life at the time. She was pretty much what I based all of motivations on.

In effect, she was why I worked hard. I was in another state when she passed and I will always regret it. In between the times that you feel sorry for him, the times that you can't understand why it is happening, and the times you just wish it wasn't so, remember that more important than anything is the time you have left together.

You can't get that back. No matter what, it won't come back.


#5

Nate,
We will keep you in our prayers every day. At our school, we begin class with prayer and I always tell the students about people who have impacted my life (and their lives...without them knowing it). I would be happy to remember you and yours each day...many times a day...for as long as I have breath.

I had a friend come in not long ago and I introduced him to my class and Jessica said "Oh, you are the one we pray for!"

Keep the balance...


#6

Nate, you and your dad are in my thoughts. Best wishes to you and your family.

Analog (Matthew)


#7

Nate, I'll be praying for you and your family. Stay stong.

DD


#8

Nate,
I feel ya bro. It can be hard. I lost my father at a very young age. Father of seven, supervisor for GMC, ex air force serviceman who traveled the world protecting our country and competeing in judo tourneys. A great man. Always missed.

My prayers are with you

Nick


#9

Sorry Nate. I dont know what to say except I'll pray for you. As PX said, make the most of the time you have. Say the things that you always meant to.
-T


#10

Sorry to hear that homey, make every moment count, don't have to overextend yourself in an effort to make all your time together spectacular, but take time to enjoy the small things. And I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for sure.


#11

Hey Nate. Sorry to hear this. You are a strong individual and I know you'll make it through fine.


#12

Nate,

sorry to hear the bad news. You and your father are in my thoughts.

Michael


#13

Sorry to hear this, Nate. I'll definitly keep him in my prayers.

What slimjim said. Make every moment count, spend as much time with him as possible but find a balance between him and your life, especially with your financial situation at hand. Congrats on your new job, by the way.


#14

Hey Nate,
That really must suck.My Mom had breast cancer herself and it really hurt me.It hurts to see someone you love get hurt in such a way.Makes us stop for a moment and think about what we're really doing in life.Try to be the best influence to your father that you can be.Make sure he eats right,be there for him(and I'm sure you are).I wish I could tell you more than to hope and pray,but I really can't.I'm sure He'll get better.


#15

Nate,

sorry to hear that...

Good luck to you and your family...


#16

Be strong, Brother...

Mufasa


#17

Nate,

As someone who has a loved one fighting cancer right now, my heart goes out to you. I have not the words to provide that will likely give you any real solace, so I will echo what others have written before: take every advantage of the next few months and don't dwell on what's happened before. You know how much your Dad means to you in this present moment and can spend the next few months showing him that. Sadly, too many people don't his this realization until its too late to do anything about it.

You and your family are very much in my prayers. Hang tough and let me know if there is anything I can do.

Kevin


#18

Nate,

I will keep your Dad, Stacey and of course you in my daily thoughts and prayers. Your most important strengths, love and faith, is now being tested. Be strong.

All my strength to you.

Mike Sullivan


#19

Stay strong. More often than not, life is an uphill struggle.

You and your father are in my prayers.


#20

stay strong dude. You got the whole group here behind you.

Many people here have been in similar situations as yours, it's truly a horrible experience for the whole family to have "the rock" of the family, the cornerstone, go through anything such as you've described.

Your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Best of luck Dogg.