T Nation

Girlfriends with Male Friends


#1

I searched the site and there have been a few threads on this, I know this is an internet forum so I will get all kinds of replies here but what is the verdict on this?

I personally do not have any girls that are "friends" that I talk to regularly because I have a girlfriend, one female in my life aside from family is enough for me. Most of the females that I know from school or work I would fuck if given the chance and not in a relationship.
My gfriend on the other hand is very different, she feels girls are catty and has quite a few male friends, we have been together a while and it has been a hot topic and started some shitstorm conversations that have ended very heated. I do not want to be a controlling boyfriend but for some reason I am bothered by her having male friends she spends time with and I am not sure why, if she every cheats on me I will just say fuck it and find someone new but I suppose I feel somewhat dissrespected? not sure.

recently she went on a business trip with her sister, they met a a group of guys and her sister fucked one of the guys, and my girlfriend has been talking about this new guy nonstop and im sure has texted him numerous times and has been on facebook with him for hours, Im not sure to what extent here.

I have a fantastic relationship otherwise but I feel she is very naive and constantly tells me their relationship is not about sex or physical attraction, but I guarantee this guy wants to fuck her. Im 30yrs old and she is 26, we have been together 3.5 years and this comes up every so often and it gets worse each time with regard to the fighting. not sure what posting this will do but hopefully I can get some good feedback from hopefully some men and women.

I dont think I am a narrow minded or controlling person but I simply have a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that sooner or later there will be some physical sexual incident or situation sooner or later by either party.


#2

Every female friend I've had has evolved to some type of sexual contact.

Especially if there was an emotional attachment of some kind.

"Friends" can be a weird paradox.

I'm not talking about random associates, but genuine friends. Checking on each others well being, providing company and comfort et cetera.


#3

I've been in your situation before and you are looking at this all wrong. You think your girlfriend is naive? Give me a break. She is 26, she has been flirting and playing the "game" with the opposite sex for at least a decade now if not longer (depending when she started).

If you think she honestly believes that talking to a single guy on facebook for hours and texting with him is just a friendly chat, you are the naive one not her. I have bad news for you, your girlfriend is the typical attention seeking female that loves attention from the opposite sex even when she has a bf. She'll flirt endlessly and eventually it might turn into her cheating on you, weather with this guy or another. But trust me when I say that she know exactly what she is doing, she simply likes the attention too much.


#4

Cliff notes:
Your GF went on a "business trip" with her sister.
They met a group of dudes.
GF's sister got plowed by one of them.
Your GF is home now and talks non stop about one of the guys she met and is texting him.

You see what's happening here right?


#5

Your story was interesting but you left out the part where your GF has already hooked up with this guy on the business trip.


#6

DING DING DING


#7

I agree with POWWow, and I am not trying to beat a dead horse with this topic guys.

I also know its suspect, I really do think she would just break up with me if she were going to cheat on me, I dont think she actually cheated on me.


#8

I think the more pertinent point is why is she fixated on him?

Happy couples that I know do not give a shit about people of an opposite gender outside of pure sexual attraction (which cannot be denied and will always happen, but generally the person knows it as such and thus becomes irrelevant unless said person is unhappy/unsatisfied in some way with their relationship) or people that they've known for a very long time and have a great personal connection with.


#9

What's more likely that you have a special unique butterfly? or simply another cheater and are just ignoring the signs?


#10

Bro, This is all sketchy. If a girl started doing this to me, awww helll nawwww.


#11

I hate girls like that.

I wonder if they are actually naive or if they're just sluts. They piss me off either way.

You know how many girls I regularly text and talk to on Facebook that I don't want to sleep with? None. If you're a girl and you're reading this, no, you can't just have close guy friends. Sorry, the world's not fair. If he spends that much time being friendly with you, it's because he's putting in ground work.


#12

LOL


#13

Said every guy who was ever cheated on, ever.


#14

What's worse is guys that will see their significant other cheat right in front of them then buy the other guy a drink after the gf/fiance/wife convinces him that it didn't actually happen.


#15

I kinda feel bad for him. I can think of two girls I am actually friends with. Other than the girl I'm dating I am only talking with girls by association such as its my cousin's girlfriend or friend's girlfriend. If they break up I'm probably not going to talk to them anymore unless they are looking for a one way ticket to poundtown.


#16

I appreciate the comments, I know about putting in ground work and all, so do you outlaw your girlfriends from having male friends?
is that not controlling as shit?

magick- I have no fucking clue man, obviously i am searching and its gotten to the point I am looking for answers on an internet forum (no dissrespect) but I have so many other things going on in my life right now its hard to wrap my head around it and thought this would help, no clue why she is fixated on him.


#17

I am not married to her and I genuinly love having her around, IF I found out she cheated on me I would just ask if she wanted to have a threesome and have her recruit some chicks or just kick her to the curb, I dont think I would lose my shit over it but it would obviously be difficult. I do not want to act in a way to push her to another guy i guess.


#18

Yeah it is controlling and shows a lack of trust. I will let a girl go out and do her own thing but if she cheats its over, plain and simple. If she couldn't stop talking about another guy that would be a sure sign of some shit is going to go down or already has.


#19


#20

Hopefully someone else will have a better answer, but in my experience it's a lose-lose scenario.

You're right, the only direct solution is to be way too controlling which will create a problem in your relationship and drive her right onto another man's dick. And the alternative is that you don't address it and she ends up on some other dude's dick.

The only happy solution to this problem that I know about is to find a girl who understands boundaries much, much better in the first place.