[quote]ChicagoLad wrote:
I actually like this girl a lot. Which is weird for someone I’ve never even met. I just don’t really get emotional often and this is weird for me, so I don’t wanna fuck it up. no homo[/quote]
lol, dude, trust me there is nothing to be ashamed about falling for someone. In fact it is one of the coolest things on Earth I’ve done to date. Anyone that gives you shit about that has an infants mentality or just wants to see you not be happy because they are miserable themselves.
I’m saying, you like her, she likes you. Just keep talking to her and what will be, will be. The waiting will either be worth every second of it, or something you look back and laugh about in 14 years. So it will either make everything wonderful or there will be no harm no fowl.
[quote]ChicagoLad wrote:
I actually like this girl a lot. Which is weird for someone I’ve never even met. I just don’t really get emotional often and this is weird for me, so I don’t wanna fuck it up. no homo[/quote]
lol, dude, trust me there is nothing to be ashamed about falling for someone. In fact it is one of the coolest things on Earth I’ve done to date. Anyone that gives you shit about that has an infants mentality or just wants to see you not be happy because they are miserable themselves.
I’m saying, you like her, she likes you. Just keep talking to her and what will be, will be. The waiting will either be worth every second of it, or something you look back and laugh about in 14 years. So it will either make everything wonderful or there will be no harm no fowl. [/quote]
Like I said, I haven’t been in a relationship in years. But the angle I’m coming from is that the man should dictate the majority of terms in an interaction. At least that’s what’s worked in my experience. So while I don’t mind waiting, it sets the precedent that she calls the shots and sets the terms, which makes her (consciously or subconsciously) lose respect for me and then it’s game over.
If she wanted to test you, she’d meet you. I don’t buy that she wants to make sure you don’t just want to get laid. If that was her angle, the reasonable course of action would be to meet you and not have sex. You don’t lose the ability to refuse sex by meeting with someone you found on Tinder.
Walk away. Let her know how to get in touch with you if she wants to meet. If she doesn’t get in touch with you, you never had a chance anyways.
[quote]ChicagoLad wrote:
But the angle I’m coming from is that the man should dictate the majority of terms in an interaction. At least that’s what’s worked in my experience. So while I don’t mind waiting, it sets the precedent that she calls the shots and sets the terms, which makes her (consciously or subconsciously) lose respect for me and then it’s game over.[/quote]
Yeah, and if you’ve expressed this to her, it might be what is making her not want to come see you.
I know the whole “male rights activist” thing is not only hot on this board but across the internet but what you need to look for is mutual respect and understanding, not “male dictated interaction”.
I’ll be honest, if I seen the dude looking to date my daughter talking like that, I’d laugh at him, because if he really thinks that, she will eat him alive, assuming she grows up like her mother.
Trust me when I say you want an independent woman who is strong emotionally and has decent self esteem when you’re looking for a keeper. This means you aren’t dictating any terms, and neither is she, because you guys are partners and lovers, not lord and lady.
I’m not sure where you’re getting this, but, it just isn’t true, unless she has no respect for herself in the first place.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
If she wanted to test you, she’d meet you. I don’t buy that she wants to make sure you don’t just want to get laid. If that was her angle, the reasonable course of action would be to meet you and not have sex. You don’t lose the ability to refuse sex by meeting with someone you found on Tinder.
[/quote]
And then, back in reality this girl has grown up in the age of the internet and knows what rape is. Maybe she isn’t too keen on being an hour away from home with someone that could be just one giant lie.
[quote]ChicagoLad wrote:
Like I said, I haven’t been in a relationship in years. But the angle I’m coming from is that the man should dictate the majority of terms in an interaction. At least that’s what’s worked in my experience. So while I don’t mind waiting, it sets the precedent that she calls the shots and sets the terms, which makes her (consciously or subconsciously) lose respect for me and then it’s game over.[/quote]
Beans is right. She likes you but it’s a bad time for her so she wants to wait.
Also, please do yourself a favour and stop with that ‘a man should be dominant’ crap. A man, and a woman as well, should stand up for their rights in any interaction, no more and no less. The point is that this is not a matter of dominance. If you want to dominate someone, join a fight club - don’t let it out on a girl you like.
TL;DR Listen to beans, stop being an evopsych guy.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
If she wanted to test you, she’d meet you. I don’t buy that she wants to make sure you don’t just want to get laid. If that was her angle, the reasonable course of action would be to meet you and not have sex. You don’t lose the ability to refuse sex by meeting with someone you found on Tinder.
[/quote]
And then, back in reality this girl has grown up in the age of the internet and knows what rape is. Maybe she isn’t too keen on being an hour away from home with someone that could be just one giant lie.
In my day we had this thing called caution.
[/quote]
I’m not suggesting that she meet the OP in a dark alley in the early hours of the morning. If at this point she’s too afraid that the OP is a psychopath rapist to meet him in broad daylight at a public place with friends/family, then I stand by my statement that it would never have worked anyways.
Moreover, if she’s afraid to meet the OP for safety issues, then one of two things is possible:
A) the OP gives off a very rapey vibe. However, this raises the question as to why she continues to talk to him at all.
B) She was never intending to actually meet any of the people that she contacted on Tinder anyways. This means she’s just using the OP for validation and wasting his time.
So, once again. Walk away. She’ll contact you if she wants to meet.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
I’m not suggesting that she meet the OP in a dark alley in the early hours of the morning. If at this point she’s too afraid that the OP is a psychopath rapist to meet him in broad daylight at a public place with friends/family, then I stand by my statement that it would never have worked anyways.
[/quote]
I’ll be teaching my daughter that danger and bad things happen at all times of day and come, sometimes, from the places we least expect. So that she should be prepared and aware of her surroundings at all times. Which would mean, irrelevant of the time of day, caution should be exercised when going to meet someone you don’t know beyond e-conversation.
That being said, this topic isn’t worth arguing for. OP knows what he wants to do, he just wants people to sign off on it.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
I’m not suggesting that she meet the OP in a dark alley in the early hours of the morning. If at this point she’s too afraid that the OP is a psychopath rapist to meet him in broad daylight at a public place with friends/family, then I stand by my statement that it would never have worked anyways.
[/quote]
I’ll be teaching my daughter that danger and bad things happen at all times of day and come, sometimes, from the places we least expect. So that she should be prepared and aware of her surroundings at all times. Which would mean, irrelevant of the time of day, caution should be exercised when going to meet someone you don’t know beyond e-conversation.
That being said, this topic isn’t worth arguing for. OP knows what he wants to do, he just wants people to sign off on it. [/quote]
I actually don’t yet. I haven’t decided. I know what outcome I want. I don’t know what I’m gonna do yet.
The right person at the wrong time is the wrong person. 19 year old women are all over the place emotionally. You’re doing fine, no ultimatums . Be patient and don’t smother her. You want to be a challenge to her. You want her wondering what you’re doing. Even if you’re not giving her the full court press, which you’re not, step off the gas a little more. Don’t be so available by text or phone.
In the meantime, keep looking. Your age or slightly older, 23, 24 even better. And lay off the weed.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I know the whole “male rights activist” thing is not only hot on this board but across the internet but what you need to look for is mutual respect and understanding, not “male dictated interaction”.
[/quote]
[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
Also, please do yourself a favour and stop with that ‘a man should be dominant’ crap. A man, and a woman as well, should stand up for their rights in any interaction, no more and no less. The point is that this is not a matter of dominance. If you want to dominate someone, join a fight club - don’t let it out on a girl you like.
[/quote]
x2 on each of these.
Good relationships are not built on “dominance” of one party.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I know the whole “male rights activist” thing is not only hot on this board but across the internet but what you need to look for is mutual respect and understanding, not “male dictated interaction”.
[/quote]
[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
Also, please do yourself a favour and stop with that ‘a man should be dominant’ crap. A man, and a woman as well, should stand up for their rights in any interaction, no more and no less. The point is that this is not a matter of dominance. If you want to dominate someone, join a fight club - don’t let it out on a girl you like.
[/quote]
x2 on each of these.
Good relationships are not built on “dominance” of one party.[/quote]
I know, but if she has dominance during the initial interactions, she’ll lose interest.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I know the whole “male rights activist” thing is not only hot on this board but across the internet but what you need to look for is mutual respect and understanding, not “male dictated interaction”.
[/quote]
[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
Also, please do yourself a favour and stop with that ‘a man should be dominant’ crap. A man, and a woman as well, should stand up for their rights in any interaction, no more and no less. The point is that this is not a matter of dominance. If you want to dominate someone, join a fight club - don’t let it out on a girl you like.
[/quote]
x2 on each of these.
Good relationships are not built on “dominance” of one party.[/quote]
I know, but if she has dominance during the initial interactions, she’ll lose interest.[/quote]
Where are you getting this idea from? Chivalry and dominance are two completely different things. Holding the door, paying for dinner, and generally being thoughtful towards others has much better results than domineering and controlling all situations.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
I’m not suggesting that she meet the OP in a dark alley in the early hours of the morning. If at this point she’s too afraid that the OP is a psychopath rapist to meet him in broad daylight at a public place with friends/family, then I stand by my statement that it would never have worked anyways.
[/quote]
I’ll be teaching my daughter that danger and bad things happen at all times of day and come, sometimes, from the places we least expect. So that she should be prepared and aware of her surroundings at all times. Which would mean, irrelevant of the time of day, caution should be exercised when going to meet someone you don’t know beyond e-conversation.
[/quote]
I don’t necessarily disagree with you. But if safety is really the reason this girl doesn’t want to meet with the OP (honestly, I doubt it), then there is absolutely nothing he can do about it. So walk away.
To me, that’s really what this situation comes down to. There are literally dozens of explanations (some of them much more probable than others) as to what is going on and we could spend hours discussing them in detail. However, the correct answer to essentially all of them is walk away and let her contact you when and if she is ready.
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Lol, this thread is ridiculous. You’ve gotten all kinds of advice and it’s clear what you want to do, just do it already.
You’re not looking for advice, you’re looking for affirmation of your already determined plan of action. [/quote]
Agreed.
Again, OP, you are the only one that pays the price of consequence for your actions. Nothing we say, whether it changes your mind or gives you affirmation really matters. In the end the only one you will blame or champion is yourself. Do what you want to do, and see how it pans out.
[quote]countingbeans wrote:
I know the whole “male rights activist” thing is not only hot on this board but across the internet but what you need to look for is mutual respect and understanding, not “male dictated interaction”.
[/quote]
[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
Also, please do yourself a favour and stop with that ‘a man should be dominant’ crap. A man, and a woman as well, should stand up for their rights in any interaction, no more and no less. The point is that this is not a matter of dominance. If you want to dominate someone, join a fight club - don’t let it out on a girl you like.
[/quote]
x2 on each of these.
Good relationships are not built on “dominance” of one party.[/quote]
I know, but if she has dominance during the initial interactions, she’ll lose interest.[/quote]
Where are you getting this idea from? Chivalry and dominance are two completely different things. Holding the door, paying for dinner, and generally being thoughtful towards others has much better results than domineering and controlling all situations. [/quote]
I do all that shit.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
However, the correct answer to essentially all of them is walk away and let her contact you when and if she is ready. [/quote]
No, it isn’t. But like I said it isn’t worth arguing with you about it, lol.
You’re trying to logic and reason in man language, in a situation that requires woman language, if he wants a relationship out of this.
The most hilarious part of all this is 15 years ago we’d (at least I would) be making fun of dude for e-dating in the first place. Now it is the new normal and I actually think the internet bringing people together that otherwise wouldn’t be is pretty neat.
[quote]Silyak wrote:
However, the correct answer to essentially all of them is walk away and let her contact you when and if she is ready. [/quote]
No, it isn’t. But like I said it isn’t worth arguing with you about it, lol.
You’re trying to logic and reason in man language, in a situation that requires woman language, if he wants a relationship out of this.
The most hilarious part of all this is 15 years ago we’d (at least I would) be making fun of dude for e-dating in the first place. Now it is the new normal and I actually think the internet bringing people together that otherwise wouldn’t be is pretty neat. [/quote]
I think I’m gonna keep talking to her for a while longer, but ease off the gas a bit, and see where it goes. If still no go a month before I ship, I’ll give her my email and stop talking to her because I don’t want uncertainty about a girl on my mind in boot.
I guess I just felt like I was being played and I don’t like it.