I started talking to this girl on Tinder (don't hate; it works well. I even wrote a few blog posts about it). I'm 22; she's 19. She lives a bit over an hour away. Long story short, we really click and text a bunch every day. Which normally is not my M.O. at all. I mostly use texting for logistics.
I've never met a girl I clicked with so much before though. She's like the female me and cute as fuck too. I don't have to wonder, "Does she know what I mean?" and dumb things down. She gets all my jokes and is funny as shit herself. And this chick reads as much as me. This little 20-year-old blonde girl was talking to me about Plato and Nietzsche. I think that's fucking cool. And she's into bikes like me and the same music and all that shit.
I once joked about how people have those, "Proud Parent of an Honor Student" bumper stickers. I'm like, "It would be funny if someone had like, 'Proud parent of a tax accountant' or 'Proud parent of a divorce attorney' or some shit." And I got one in the mail 2 days later. It's on my car now, haha. I enjoy watching people's reactions in the rear view.
We've talked on the phone a few times and I've made 3 attempts to meet her. She's always busy. I know she actually is really busy, but she could definitely have made time. I told her last time, "This is my last attempt at making plans with you: I have tickets to Lolla next week. Come with." She thought about it for a few days and said she couldn't. She outright told me she doesn't want to meet me yet later.
Fast forward to this Sunday. I had a hectic week and weekend and I'm getting buzzed and playing with my dog. It's like noon and I'm enjoying myself. I'm coherent, but somewhat out of it. She calls me. She's at some cabin with her family. Oh yeah, her dad recently died and she just got out of a long-term relationship.
Most of our conversations aren't too serious, but we talked about real shit. I don't remember the details honestly on account of the drugs, but I checked the call log the next day and it was over an hour. Anyway, she texted me later with this:
"So when I lost my dad, I lost part of me. And now I'm in this phase where I'm discovering who I am without him which is a new person. And then on top of that, I just got out of a long term relationship and have to figure out who I am without him. So moral of the story, I need a little time to figure myself out. I care about you a lot clearly. Your opinion really matters to me so I want to feel confident enough in myself to present myself in the best way possible to you.
But i's really hard for me because I've been in this little rut now for a month or two where I don't care about anyone. I just want you to know it's not you. Like, I sit here all the time an think to myself wow all I want to do is go chill with him. But I have all these issues that scare the shit out of me that I need to deal with. I do, however, think it's getting better because it's getting harder and harder to stay away from you. And I'm sure this is all stupid and I'm asking a lot of you to put up with my shit. But I would really appreciate if you could understand that and just know that I do plan on meeting you."
I told her thatÃ¢??s all fine. I canÃ¢??t be upset at all with her. Her dad just died. But hereÃ¢??s my selfish perspective:
I joined the Marine Corps Reserve and I'm leaving for ~6 months in a few months. Like I said, this girl is cool as fuck and who knows where both of our minds will be after 6 months of radio silence if we don't get to know one another beforehand. As I said, I'll be a reservist, so I'll be back to finish my last semester of college afterward and pursue my other goals and shit.
Also, I feel like I'm being used for emotional support and jerked around with nothing in return here. And I'm fine with that. I enjoy talking to this girl. But I think that subconscious cues or precedents or whatever matter a lot and I'm not sure this sets good ones. Honestly, I'm not good with this type of shit. I'd date the shit out of this girl, but I haven't been in a relationship since high school. I've just had a steady rotation of friends with benefits type situations. So I'm not sure how to approach this conundrum.
So I'm considering telling her that we need to stop talking. That I'm not upset in the slightest and that she should take her time sorting out whatever she needs to sort out. But that she needs to either contact me when she wants to meet or not contact me at all.
I realize this is cunty in the short-term, but I think it may be the best long-term play for both of us.
I come to you, hat in hand, for advice.