I walk down the street sometimes and shout racial slurs.
which ones?
All of them!
I went back to the bar tonight, saw the same chick… and well same shit as before… two smurfs in the pants
I put on a raincoat and killed Paul Allen with an axe.
ate a whole bag of double stuffed oreos. 320lbs here i come.
Once I jacked off in the tropical Caribbean waters of Turks & Caicos… 10 yards out from the beach.
I discreetly drew a dick in a bouquet of flowers for a Yellow Pages ad I pasted up for a florist. It went to print unchecked. lol
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
Once I jacked off in the tropical Caribbean waters of Turks & Caicos… 10 yards out from the beach.
I discreetly drew a dick in a bouquet of flowers for a Yellow Pages ad I pasted up for a florist. It went to print unchecked. lol
[/quote]
Lol, do you still have it? I wouldn’t mind seeing that.
[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Iron Dwarf wrote:
Once I jacked off in the tropical Caribbean waters of Turks & Caicos… 10 yards out from the beach.
I discreetly drew a dick in a bouquet of flowers for a Yellow Pages ad I pasted up for a florist. It went to print unchecked. lol
Lol, do you still have it? I wouldn’t mind seeing that.
[/quote]
LOL
Nah, Lanky… that was 24 years ago. I wish I had saved a copy though.
In a related story back in the 80s, another illustrator was hired to draw art for a full-page newspaper ad for an upcoming outdoor fair event. He was instructed to fill the entire page with fair activities, games, concessions, people, etc, (similar to Where’s Waldo). Well he completed the art and the client loved it! It went to press and thousands of people saw the ad (including children).
However, it turns out the artist took the liberty of “hiding” in random spots of the drawing several couples of people in various sex acts! LOL When the complaints from readers started rolling in, the artist was sued and hasn’t been heard from since.
lol
My girlfriend dumped me three weeks ago, told me she’d been cheating on me with my friend for over a month.
I’m gonna do her best friend this weekend.
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
Once I jacked off in the tropical Caribbean waters of Turks & Caicos… 10 yards out from the beach.
I discreetly drew a dick in a bouquet of flowers for a Yellow Pages ad I pasted up for a florist. It went to print unchecked. lol
[/quote]
WINNER
And this by far is the hardest thing I think I’ve ever had to do
To tell you, the woman I love
That I’m having a baby by a woman that I barely even know
I hope you can accept the fact that I’m man enough to tell you this
And hopefully you’ll give me another chance
This ain’t about my career
This ain’t about my life
It’s about us
Please
I let a silent one go at the store and when the lady behind me noticed, I blamed it on my one year old son!
[quote]OrcusDM wrote:
My girlfriend dumped me three weeks ago, told me she’d been cheating on me with my friend for over a month.
I’m gonna do her best friend this weekend.[/quote]
An eye for an eye. Unless her friend is really ugly or really fat, you aren’t confessing just braggin
When I was 12 I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and blamed it on the dog.
Also, that same year, me and some friends were rummaging in my buddy Mikey’s attic cuz his dad was a curator at a museum and he had a bunch of cool old stuff. Well I dropped a picture frame and broke it and found the map that led to One Eyed Willie’s rich stuff. The Fratelli’s almost killed us.
[quote]polo77j wrote:
When I was 12 I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and blamed it on the dog.
Also, that same year, me and some friends were rummaging in my buddy Mikey’s attic cuz his dad was a curator at a museum and he had a bunch of cool old stuff. Well I dropped a picture frame and broke it and found the map that led to One Eyed Willie’s rich stuff. The Fratelli’s almost killed us.[/quote]
When I was 8 I was left home alone and defeated two burglars who were trying to break into my house using random shit lying around like paint cans and glue guns. They tried the same thing again the following year. Dumb burglars.
I learned one thing from this…do not use after shave.
Tried to suck myself off…again…
I like the smell of my own fart.
When I was around 11 or 12, I randomly threw a brick across the play area of our backyard. It hit my younger brother on the side of his skull. When his bloody screaming attracted the attention of my parents, “What happened? Who did THAT?” I blamed the neighbor boy. I then witnessed his mother beat the living shit out of him as he screamed like he was being murdered.
I still feel pangs of guilt about that… even after 30-odd years.
[quote]vatchev wrote:
I like the smell of my own fart.[/quote]
who doesnt?
I see no problem with using a laptop on the toilet or peeing in the shower
[quote]Professor X wrote:
polo77j wrote:
When I was 12 I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and blamed it on the dog.
Also, that same year, me and some friends were rummaging in my buddy Mikey’s attic cuz his dad was a curator at a museum and he had a bunch of cool old stuff. Well I dropped a picture frame and broke it and found the map that led to One Eyed Willie’s rich stuff. The Fratelli’s almost killed us.
When I was 8 I was left home alone and defeated two burglars who were trying to break into my house using random shit lying around like paint cans and glue guns. They tried the same thing again the following year. Dumb burglars.
I learned one thing from this…do not use after shave.[/quote]
I MADE MY FAMILY DISAPPEAR