Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Just stop! Breathe!
Nobody has ever helped themselves from a grave. Besides death by potassium cyanide sounds hideous!
If no one is willing to help you, then you have to help yourself. Dying will NOT accomplish that.
You are all whacked out because your body is starving for nutrients. I am going to guess magnesium is one of them. Are you taking any supplements?
Find at the very minimum a good whole food multi vitamin. Your brain has to have certain nutrients to work properly. Inflammation is a huge factor. Have you tried tumeric?
Now. Why are you afraid of food? Answer honestly? The food itself? Afraid of getting fat? What? Why?
You say you can eat, but are afraid.
How do you see yourself? Fat? Skinny? Healthy?
Were you over weight and did this to get healthier?
You have really given us much to go on.
Except you want help. You need to tell us what EXACTLY you want help with.
Gaining weight? Food phobia? What are your goals?
You CAN fix this! It CAN be done. There are people on here willing too help you.
Sometimes it helps just to be able to say it out loud. You are already on the way to recovery by acknowledging that there is a problem. That’s the hardest part.