Should I Kill Myself? (Serious)

Off Topic
21

[quote]watermelon29 wrote:
I’m not totally bagging out every single ‘friend’ I have it’s just that I can’t form close connections with anyone, I can’t make a true friend.

I already know where I am going in life in terms of my career, I have concluded that a very long time ago.[/quote]

Well, it’s not about bagging your friends, it’s about making sure they aren’t part of the problem. Some friends, who appear as friends are actually quite toxic. If that is a friend of yours they need to go. If not, then their fine. But don’t be afraid to make more friends. If you are feeling close, it’s likely because of the walls you put up. You develope close friends by going through things together.

It’s good you have a career path. People in your situation are often ‘lost’ in that aspect.

22

[quote]watermelon29 wrote:
I thrive off of hatred and anger I love it when people give me shit it is my fuel[/quote]
Are you like the Hulk? That would be awesome.

23

[quote]watermelon29 wrote:
*By the way I do not feel depressed I feel ‘neutral’ I simply just feel drained I do not feel any depression whatsoever. The other thing that I forgot to mention is that I don’t want help from anyone in real life because I thrive off of hatred and anger I love it when people give me shit it is my fuel, if any of you know a bit about Arnold Schwarzenegger he is the same as me, I don’t want to be in a state of positivity because negativity is my fuel.[/quote]

You do feel depressed because you are considering ending your life. Don’t play us for fools. You are expressing that in anger and hatred. This is dangerous. You will be the only casualty of anger and hatred. Most people won’t be affected by it. The question is why are you angry? Why do you seek out ‘fuel’ for this fire?
Get rid of it because it will consume you.

As an FYI, I am technically a professional. I am certified, but I chose a different career path in the end. The upper echelons of psychology are more interested in political activism rather than science. It was the science I was interested in. I was turned off by the politics so I jumped ship.

24

[quote]RicRob wrote:
What the fuck?! please don’t kill yourself!! It has been true you have been through some hard times and you are trying to figure out who you want to be, but please don’t do this to yourself! If you look at what you’ve just told us now, you made mistakes and have the balls to tell complete strangers. I certainly wouldn’t have the will to ask for help. Your life is not the only one with struggles.

Story #1

When I was born, the doctor did not have to cut off the umbilical chord because it fell off. Basically if I wasn’t birthed sooner, I would have
been dead.

Story #2

When I was going into fourth grade, my father died of lung canser, despite never smoking in his life. This almost put my mother into a depression and we could no longer afford our home and had to move to a different state. At the new school in this state, California, the other kids in my class did not accept me as a friend, so I was going to school only to know I had no friends other than my younger brother.

Story #3

When I was a little kid around five or six, I was looking into a gasoline jug on the floor of my neighbors garage and wondered what was in there and picked it up and looked into it, pouring was gasoline that was in there all over my face and body. I believe I am lucky looking back that my brother found me crying on the floor.

Story #4

I once mixed up my aunt with some woman at a hot tub and talked to her for five minutes before my parents found me and told me that was just someone else.

Just like you, these are just some stories of my life.

You already have so many good things going for you. The fact you joined T-Nation looking for a brotherhood looking for an intelligent, relentless pursuit of muscle means you have made and will continue to make great decisions in life. The face you are able to write almost a one page essay explaining your struggles you have experienced means you have the skill of writing, which is so important in life, and reflection, being able to look back at your life and being able to assess what good you did and where you now can go better.

Please join this brotherhood online with what I have seen. Even though people have differing opinions on many subjects, the core value of bettering oneself, not just at lifting, but life as a whole exists within all of us. This ‘us’ includes you!! WE all have our struggles, even though yours might be harder in this part of your life than other people have. If you think your messed up and everyone else is not, then they are lying to you!! Everyone is weird and messed up in their own way and we are in reality all awful people who have learned to recognize we’re all awful or are living in some made up fairytale.

Please don’t self diagnose youreself to have all these medical problems. This is like accepting you are not in control with yourself. But you are in control of yourself and have the power to change your perspective on life. If you choose to let these small problems get to you then you have small problems. That’s it. You sound so much stronger than this! Let yourself take control of your life and believe you can make a difference!

Man, your thing about being gay, please get on your hands and knees and thank The Lord you are living in a time such as now. People are willing to accept you for who you are. Do not think just because some kids at school influence you negatively. Kids are unable to understand and help those who they decide an outkast.

Don’t worry about being gay or not. I believe if a man did not ever have a thought in his head of what another mans junk would feel like in his trunk must know by experience what it feels like or is a liar! Go out and try to ask a girl or two out and accept the fact that you could be rejected. They will never say yes if you always say no to yourself. And trust me. If you can wright out and reflect on life problems, you have the balls and confidence to ask someone out.
[/quote]
Call me a liar then… :slight_smile:

Man, you have been through some shit. The story of your father is quite powerful. My sympathies simply won’t do. As a child that is some horrible experience that colours the rest of your life. I think you laid out a pretty good case for perseverance. You took control of your life and made it out the other side. I am sure based on what you said that suicide was probably on your mind at some point in your life, but you stayed the course. I am impressed with your story. Thank you for sharing it.

25

[quote]RicRob wrote:
Don’t worry about being gay or not. I believe if a man did not ever have a thought in his head of what another mans junk would feel like in his trunk must know by experience what it feels like or is a liar!
[/quote]

26

‘please don’t kill yourself’?

what kind of comment is that?

this dude lives in Cali, and he is depressed? (not like he’s from Canada, ya’know)

and, he vascillates between homo and hetero?

and, he is considering suicide?

and, he is asking random meatheads if he should do it or not?

sounds like he wateches tooooooo many programs on the WB-

but, I have respect for most of you posters here, am a leetle surprised at your taking this troll bait, but I do appreciate your interests in helping our hero~

(smh)

27

[quote]RicRob wrote:
What the fuck?! please don’t kill yourself!! It has been true you have been through some hard times and you are trying to figure out who you want to be, but please don’t do this to yourself! If you look at what you’ve just told us now, you made mistakes and have the balls to tell complete strangers. I certainly wouldn’t have the will to ask for help. Your life is not the only one with struggles.

Story #1

When I was born, the doctor did not have to cut off the umbilical chord because it fell off. Basically if I wasn’t birthed sooner, I would have
been dead.

Story #2

When I was going into fourth grade, my father died of lung canser, despite never smoking in his life. This almost put my mother into a depression and we could no longer afford our home and had to move to a different state. At the new school in this state, California, the other kids in my class did not accept me as a friend, so I was going to school only to know I had no friends other than my younger brother.

Story #3

When I was a little kid around five or six, I was looking into a gasoline jug on the floor of my neighbors garage and wondered what was in there and picked it up and looked into it, pouring was gasoline that was in there all over my face and body. I believe I am lucky looking back that my brother found me crying on the floor.

Story #4

I once mixed up my aunt with some woman at a hot tub and talked to her for five minutes before my parents found me and told me that was just someone else.

Just like you, these are just some stories of my life.

You already have so many good things going for you. The fact you joined T-Nation looking for a brotherhood looking for an intelligent, relentless pursuit of muscle means you have made and will continue to make great decisions in life. The face you are able to write almost a one page essay explaining your struggles you have experienced means you have the skill of writing, which is so important in life, and reflection, being able to look back at your life and being able to assess what good you did and where you now can go better.

Please join this brotherhood online with what I have seen. Even though people have differing opinions on many subjects, the core value of bettering oneself, not just at lifting, but life as a whole exists within all of us. This ‘us’ includes you!! WE all have our struggles, even though yours might be harder in this part of your life than other people have. If you think your messed up and everyone else is not, then they are lying to you!! Everyone is weird and messed up in their own way and we are in reality all awful people who have learned to recognize we’re all awful or are living in some made up fairytale.

Please don’t self diagnose youreself to have all these medical problems. This is like accepting you are not in control with yourself. But you are in control of yourself and have the power to change your perspective on life. If you choose to let these small problems get to you then you have small problems. That’s it. You sound so much stronger than this! Let yourself take control of your life and believe you can make a difference!

Man, your thing about being gay, please get on your hands and knees and thank The Lord you are living in a time such as now. People are willing to accept you for who you are. Do not think just because some kids at school influence you negatively. Kids are unable to understand and help those who they decide an outkast.

Don’t worry about being gay or not. I believe if a man did not ever have a thought in his head of what another mans junk would feel like in his trunk must know by experience what it feels like or is a liar! Go out and try to ask a girl or two out and accept the fact that you could be rejected. They will never say yes if you always say no to yourself. And trust me. If you can wright out and reflect on life problems, you have the balls and confidence to ask someone out.

Lastly, your not lonely! You have all of us at T-Nation!! Now go flex those mirror muscles in a mirror! Embrace the brotherhood!! Embrace your father. Please you never know when your parents will be gone!! Tell them “I love you” every day! And please, accept you aren’t alone with your problems. If it has not been already done, welcome to T-Nation brother! In all of our shit filled lives we find a way to always bench and curl on Monday, legs on another back and abs somewhere else in the week, and shoulders and tris.

Please live your life

RicRob

[/quote]

One hell of a first post. Welcome.

28

Do not kill yourself.
Get a dog.( I am extremely serious with this suggestion)

  1. Dogs make wonderful companions and help reduce feelings of loneliness.
  2. Having a dog allows you to relate to others and communicate with a variant of people you may not have otherwise.

Do things with the dog. Training classes, dog park, hikes. Take them with you as much as you can, restaurants and bars with outdoor seating. Ask people if you can bring your dog to their house.

Often new behaviors will make bigger changes then we would expect they would to our outlook and quality of life. I lived in and area where reading books as much as I did, made it hard to relate or form any relationships with the vast majority of people. A dog reduces the level of thought in relating, approaching, and conversing. A dog can really change how you are received by others and will influence your internal dialogue of how you think others perceive you.

I wish you the best.

I would recommend a smaller dog if it is your first. They are easier to take a lot of places as well. Boston terrier, pug, jack Russell, all good choices.

29

It really sounds like you have some mild form of autism like Asperger syndrom. I had a neighbor who’s son grew up with it. Ive known him since he was born. It is a difficult thing to deal with early on in life, but later on most find ways to have fully functional lives.

Do not do anything drastic before seeing one if not more medical professionals in the field. Also read the book Look Me in the Eyes if you want to find hope from similar people who struggled with it early it in life to become very well adjusted, successful and happy people.

Also on the gay thing. Look at Frank Ocean, he recently came out about how the strongest love her ever had was for another man even though he isnt gay. It isnt really a big deal in today’s society.

30

I knew a guy in high school who had Autism.

He told me once that his hero was John Wilkes Booth, because he stood up for what he believed in.

31

This is life. You’re imperfect and living in an imperfect world. All those stories you told simply reflect that. We could all tell such stories. Many many people could tell much worse. The difference is most people don’t ponder it in such a negative way. I tried to stab my mom when I was 2 or 3, I don’t let that define me now. Don’t let that bullshit from when you were a kid define you.

It sounds like you are in high school. Life will get better for you. The 7th & 8th grade were the low points in my life. High school got better, college even better, life after college better, marriage better, having a family even better. My life has constantly gotten better. Your’s can to. Work on taking control of your life and don’t let bullshit from the past define you.

I doesn’t sound like you are gay. If you are, so what? Some people are gay and there’s really nothing wrong with it. Some people have a problem with gays, if you run into those people (wether you are gay or not) move on. They are no enlightened.

Just think, you can always kill yourself later. Life might get better at the next stage so wait and see. If life still sucks, wait and see how things are at the next stage. You wouldn’t want to kill yourself if things could get really great later.

The most important thing is to take charge of your life. Study hard (even if you’re a shitty student). Work hard in your career objectives. I don’t care if your flipping burgers or a brain surgeon, strive for excellence. Be a positive person to other people. Cultivate relationships even if you are not making friends. Even if you don’t have friends you can still be someone people look to for support and to get things done.

When in doubt keep your mouth shut and help people out. For us socially inept types this is probably the single most important thing to remember in life. (except on web forums, we can talk all we want on sites like this as long as we don’t let people know who the fuck we are)

32

Some quick questions. How old are you? What month were you born in (trying to determine if you are old or young in your school year group)? What is your family life like at home?

My current verdict veers towards suggesting you don’t kill yourself, but I need more info.

33

I’ve known at least 4 people in my life that have killed themselves.

one by a gunshot to the head in a park

one by hanging himself in his closet

one by hanging himself while jacking off - I think it was a mistake to kill himself tho

one by shotgun to the head while in his dads house just to show him what a dick he was (?)

I just shake my head at the thought of it. you reap what you sow in this life, and suicide is not just ending your life, it affects EVERYONE around you for the rest of thier lives.

it’s an act of agression, not pathetic-ness.

can you tell that I ain’t a fan?

34

Fuck this thread, fuck you OP for trivializing something that should never be taken so lightly.

35

[quote]watermelon29 wrote:
*By the way I do not feel depressed I feel ‘neutral’ I simply just feel drained I do not feel any depression whatsoever. The other thing that I forgot to mention is that I don’t want help from anyone in real life because I thrive off of hatred and anger I love it when people give me shit it is my fuel, if any of you know a bit about Arnold Schwarzenegger he is the same as me, I don’t want to be in a state of positivity because negativity is my fuel.[/quote]

If you “thrive” off of anger and negativity, and don’t want help from anyone…WHY THE HELL MAKE A POST ASKING FOR HELP?

You’re just a little bitch.

36

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
Fuck this thread, fuck you OP for trivializing something that should never be taken so lightly.
[/quote]

Agreed. Plus, people who genuinely consider suicide don’t go around telling people, seeking attention or ask whether or not they should do it.

This is a case of a spoiled North American kid that thinks the world is crashing down on him simply because he got an IPod 3 instead of an Ipod 4

37

Two friends of mine, one a psychiatrist, the other a psychologist- have said that I have all the signs of Aspbergers. Not as a formal diagnosis, but more along the lines of an answer to my question “Why am I so fucked up?”. I didn’t change the actual conditions, but did explain a lot, as a lot of my experiences in school were very similar to yours.

My best guess for you or anybody else is to try to understand the human experience by talking to other people and relating to what they are or have experienced. It’s not easy, and takes a really long time.

I’m still pretty damn dysfunctional, and according to the iq tables that correlate intelligence to success in life- should be a lot further ahead than I am- but life is a hell of a lot more fun now that I know that I am part of it instead of watching it happen from inside a bubble.

As for the gay stuff and narcissistic personality disorder, you’ll probably sort that shit out as you go.

38

haha suicide because your life sucks?

Go to Africa, I hear rape squads dont kill you because theres more coming behind them to do worse, then they’ll kill you.

Oh, those are just the children.

Then you have those people who dont even know what a clean glass of water looks like, we shit in clean water do we not?

By all means kill yourself but make sure you do it in a forrest or jungle where nobody will see, hear or take notice. Where your body will be used as food and the rest as compost.

Enjoy.

39

Ass burgers just sound gross.

40

[quote]Edgy wrote:
Ass burgers just sound gross.[/quote]

Ass burgers are amazing! It’s like they’ve captured the essence of all of the fast food ever created!