T Nation

Sex in relationships

Trust me, chardawg, there are places that are more fucked up than USA when it comes to sex. Most likely, in Croatia you will not see a woman approaching you. I realize things like that are common in the USA… just one example. We have 13 born/1000 population and 12 dead/1000 population per year. Go figure.

I would worship a girl like that. I’d fall in love in a heart beat. Oh, I already did. That was how me an the wife were. If I had it to do over again I would have it no other way. I refused to date the used cars and got me a brand new one (just to use the car analogy everone els is using).

Initially, oral sex and such would suffice for a lack of sex in a relationship. But I whole heartedly believe that sex is not only an emotional NEED, but a physiological NEED as well. Eventually I would have to end the relationship because all of my emotional requirements are not being met.

Any woman that doesn’t relate to that or at least recognize that is not being sensitive to their partners needs. Woman speak about their partners being sensitive to their needs while not considering their partner’s needs as well.

If you want to wait for marriage, that’s fine, but I’m not gonna be the guy you marry so why bang my “head” against nothing but my palm, her palm and the back of her mouth?

Okay, guys…this is interesting…and one President Clinton never explained quite clearly enough!

He stated that he was “truthful” when he said “I never had sex with that woman…” (Monica). So…in his mind…oral sex and handjobs was NOT sex (so I guess he was right, in an Arkansas hick kinda’ way!)

So…are you guys saying oral sex and handjobs are NOT sex, and that the “only” sex is intercourse? (The Lion is just trying to get his terms straight!)


Gotta have it! Really though its a personal decision, but wait till marriage…you must be kidding!!! I’m not expecting a girl to give it up on the first date and everything, unless she wants to, but I’m not expecting it. I’m still young and I’ve seen too many females trying to play all innocent(personal experiences). Saying I’m not that type of girl etc…then two days later you’re getting freaky on the kitchen table, please. Personally I think the longest I’ve waited was 1 month. As my final note I’m going to add that just because you have sex with a guy after a week or two doesn’t mean that the relationship is over it could be just beginning…

I think a point should be made here on the length of the relationship. And to also to justify a difference between sex and intimacy. I see alot of talk in this forum about sex, but it’s rare that I see anything that pertains to intimacy. Or a joy in the relationship people are currently involved with. AND, one more thing at what point to do you consider “it” a relationship?

I am a sexual person - I believe that my sexual libido to be more than my boyfriend. I would prefer sex 5-6 nights a week, if I had my way. When we were first seeing each other (be five years this May),it was literally that way. Now, it's maybe2-3 nights - but that's perfectly fine. Because there's other things that bring a sense of joy to our relationship. Li'l "intimate" things. Like watching a boxing match together, or football - or spending the day together and checking out some galleries or the museum - even working out together.

Which is why I'm rather agast at the "after 3 dates, I'm out" responses. I mean, what brought you to three dates in the first place? And if on the third date, this gal doesn't "put out" - that's it, it's over and done with? Maybe she has a four date rule? Or a five? Actually all these "rules" are rather funny. Imagine, putting a rule onto some basic human behaviour. I don't believe in absitence either. Sex is a part of being human. I don't believe in having sex with every guy or gal that you date, too. What sets us apart from mere animals is that we have a brain and a concience and (hopefully) can reason. I ain't gonna get all "national geographic" here on the whole "sex and human needs" thing, but I do believe that sex is important. BUT, also some people use sex to avoid intimacy. You can't have a relationship without either. Or with one and not the other.

The over poliferation of sex is tearing down our country. Greater amount of sex with no commitmant has caused endless generational cycles of poverty, violence, and despair. Just saw reports the other day how the Junior High Students are now becoming as sexualized as their High School peers. We will pay the price for not acting disciplined in our appetites. Children will increasingly be born of children. This will only lead to more poverty. Widerscale poverty will lead to more despair, addictions, and violence. Free love of the sixties my ass.

Hmmmmm tricky question. Depends on the chic I guess. If she had a ton of experience then said with you I want to wait for marriage. I would laugh for about oh a long time and say cya. Cause that would be insulting. If she was a virgin then it’s a different story. However with girls always keeping their sex history all fort knox who’s to know wtf. Arrrrrrhhh. :slight_smile:

Personally I’ve never waited. By the time the 1st ‘date’ comes around the sexual tension is so high that its a given. I’ve never had a relationship of any duration that wasn’t based on sex (mutually). Never asked a women for sex either. It just happens. Maybe I’ve simply avoided anyone that wasn’t obviously sexually responsive.

I never get a chance to wait :slight_smile:

Sex is a very important part of any relationship. I have always felt this way. And I don’t believe in withholding sex because someone is angry or upset or wants to “get back” at the other person for some reason.

Now, I have been in a relationship with a girl who wasn’t ready to have sex (virgin), but we at least messed around and had oral sex. This held me over for a little while, but after 8 months, I had become very sexually frusturated. I was as patient as I could be, but my patience grew thin. By the time she was finally ready, the damage to the relationship had been done. Needless to say, I eventually ended the relationship and have never put myself in that situation again. Sex is too important to not have that component of the relationship being fulfilled.

no, i don’t consider a hand job or a blow job sex, sex is sex if there’s penetration period…

I think sex is too essential to neglect it. And sexual behavior needs to be ‘learned’ just like anything else in a relationship. At least for me I have to admit that my first attempts at either were, ahem… let’s change the subject :slight_smile:

In my opinion one shouldn't build a relationship alone on sex , but just as well one shouldn't build it without sex, because in the end that might just be what one will end up with :)))

I’ve been married for 2 years and we still are. I’ve always been known for having an overactive sex drive and when I met my wife it was lust at first site. We dated for about 2 years before we got married and about a month after - the blowjobs stopped and then the hand jobs stopped and now I swear I’m lucky to have sex with my wife once every 1-2 months! So about every month when I’m ready to loose my fucking mind I freak out and we fight but she’ll twist it around to her not being near her family since she moved hear for me and some other shit like that. I end up feeling like shit and she ends up having sex with me for a week and then it stops again. I’m so fucking tired of being shot down I dont know what to do anymore. I’m not going to end up like my divorced friends. Call it shallow or whatever - but 50% of the reason why I married this girl was for the great sex.
I guess I just fell for the trap.

The serious or long term thing sure. The vows thing hell no. Let me get this straight "You want me to enter into a legally binding contract where I pay you half of my wealth if it doesn’t work out. For a little tail I have no idea how good bad or funky it is. Hell no. Love is not enough, practicality is boring and life happens somewhere inbetween.

Your answers have all been quite interesting… Especially the ‘rules’.

Now here is an interesting perspective - you all know about every detail of my sex life, between my posts, the ‘gang’ column, and my willingness to answer very direct questions. I’ve had my share of ‘instant gratification’ sex and waited with other guys. Obviously I’m not exactly ‘frigid’, and there have been more that one post that I was referred to as a whore. It’s no secret that I completely enjoy my sexuality, and though emotional intamacy is important to me, physical intamacy is also.

The simple fact of the matter is, some of you guys really confuse me. As Patricia (I think) noted, many guys want lots of experience but want their wife to be 'pure and innocent' The double standard is rampant

But back to me... I am waiting with my current boyfriend, and it was a mutual decision. He gets plenty of 'gratification' other ways (as do I), but we are not haveing sex. My next will be my last, and the only way to asure that is to wait for the white dress and ceremony.

Sure, I 'need' sex, he does too. I know I'm good in bed, that's not an issue (and I have references *grin*) but I'm not all that good at relationships. Is it possible to have a strong healthy realtionship without haveing sex every day? I think so, infact I'm workig on that right now. And the interesting thing is, I look forward very much to the day when we will be doin' it every day (um.. hopefully more than once!)

I'm not passing judgement on anyone, because I used to 'get it when I wanted it'. I just changed my mind on the issue. I can honestly say though, I have never encountered a woman with a 'must have sex by date number x' rule though.

Keep the posts coming! This is pretty interesting!!!

Michelle, I dated a woman who was not planning on having sex with me until after we were married. It has made all the difference. We got married, and she is the light of my life, the apple of my eye. We agreed that we would not steal that which is most precious from each other, but rather offer it freely after marriage. We have a wonderful, strong relationship, we don’t cheat on each other, and we have a wonderful family.

Any man who would steal that which is most precious from a woman before marriage is NO MAN. He is an animal. Ditto with the woman who would do the same.

We’ve been married 22 years, Michelle. We intend to be married when we die. We loved each other enough to wait. There is someone out there like that for you, too. You just have to look in the right place.

I’m just gonna throw this in: there’s ALOT more at stake for a woman when it comes to sex. For one: the possibility of getting pregnant. Oh sure, there’s condoms and pills. But condoms are not a sure-thing and pills can cause women alot of discomfort. And pills do not gaurantee protection against STDs’.

I'm completely amazed that NO ONE has brought that up. Also, while we are in the 21st Century, there are people who still believe that if a woman is hmmm, "sexually assured" - she is a "whore" and a man of equal "standards" is a "stud". Yup, double standards still exist and women are usually the target.

So, hey, yeah, it's really kewl that you guys can satisfy your "sexual needs" but there are consequences - and it seems that them "consequences" are in the women's court - not yours. Sad commentary.

In this stage of my life no I would not date a woman who would not have sex with me.

I agree with nkeago, it depends on the girl. Someone who I know is or has been sexually active, and now wants to turn her life around would make me feel insulted. But someone with little or no experience I would give a much longer “grace” period. I would not wait until marriage, because while I know two people can sexually mature and learn things together, it’s been my experience that sometimes, the pieces just don’t fit. There’s something missing you can’t quite figure out. To marry without testing the waters is like playing russian roullette. In the end you might miss out. I’ve waited 13 months for one girl, (all though other forms of sexual gratification took place regularly,) and I’ve slept with someone On the first date, (2 hours into it.) I must say that I do have much greater respect for the one I waited for. Also, as a general rule, I do not consider anyone relationship material unless they make me wait a bit. 1 month is good, but 3 months is better. These 1st, 2nd, and 3rd date I’m “in” women leave me a bit hesitant. I also beleive that there should be some sort of progression. Not just wait a month with no sexual acts, then bamm, all out sex. But like a kiss, then a few days later a make out session. Then some feeling and rubbing, next handjobs, oral, etc. up until actual intercourse. The comfort level is much higher when this approach is taken anyway.
Thats my 2 cents my I’m just some dumb “asshole”.