I see your point but it’s just saying hi. It’s a little, friendly, casual gym where most people are older and chat. People spot and help each other, and rack the weight. I even did some time there as a PT.
Yes you’re totally right. This year I’ve been trying to live for myself and not another person, and been trying to step out of my comfort zone, on various things. It’s ahrd but every time something positive happended. So yeah I’ll definitely keep in mind what you said. Trying little by little.
It’s funny also, yesterday a hot girl of the gym added me out of the blue on facebook, and I had not seen her all summer. Only talked to her like 3 times when she asked for advice about lifts (I offered to help her the first time with the deadlift as I had seen she was a very driven, working hard girl.). She had a boyfriend but I can only notice his absence on her FB page compared to when I checked her like a year ago. Should I try and send her a message?
I gotcha … My point was don’t take too much time away from someone else in the gym really … I know most women probably don’t want to be flirted with while they’re dripping with sweat, etc. I’ve talked to women in the gym before, but I try not to make it a habit, etc.
Do you know if she still has a boyfriend - that parts not clear to me but… I might if I were in your shoes honestly. I might just say something like “haven’t seen you in a while, how have you been?” or something like that … you don’t strike me as someone who has trouble conversing though, so I’m sure you can come up with something that works for you
Why would you not? Start with the ever so casual “hey” and at some point slip in “wanna meet up sometime and do lunch/coffee/dinner/rough sex?” Which ever you feel is most appropriate
I had something typed out that was insulting to you but I think you’re not using the best words to describe what you mean. For instance, you can’t be aloof and engaging. Those two words are contradicting. Aloof is more or less being detached, while engaging is, well, the opposite of that for what you’re describing.
I think you mean something along the lines of engaging but not overly so…and you’re right, there’s a bit of an art to it, if that’s what you mean.
I agree with this, by and large. There CAN BE instances where this could be charming to the girls, IN THE RIGHT SETTING and with the right girl. But, yes, by and large keep it light initially. Actually, no just keep it light initially, it CAN evolve into something deeper and thought provoking, but I can see how that can kill the flirt. A certain type of girl might find it flirty with a deeper conversation, but I’d agree MOST do not so it’s probably best to avoid it initially.
This is spades. Some interactions this will be more natural than others … kind of calls back to what I said about sometimes the chemistry just isn’t there, and sometimes the best thing to do is to move on.
Obviously, I’ve read enough articles here and I guess have enough common sense. But they talk first so, I guess I’m in a chatty gym!
I’m just assuming, since last time I check her profile there were several pictures of them etc, and now nothing at all that might indicate a boyfriend, some content deleted, and the first picture of him is a solid year old.
For background, I am happily married and have been with the same woman for years, so I am not exactly up to date on how to go pickup women at a bar. That being said, despite being marginally attractive at best (ie, no one ever looked at me and thought “oh he’s hot”), I rather frequently get asked out by women in my day to day life. Not every day or anything, but probably once or twice a month, mainly when I am not wearing my ring since I take it off to lift.
I don’t “flirt” or go out of the way to make myself appealing to women. Again, married, not looking to stray. But I am very comfortable around women. If I bump into someone, I’ll be nice. Not “look how friendly I am let me get you into bed,” but just a genuinely nice guy to these gals. Crack a few jokes that are probably pretty cheesy, throw out compliments when appropriate. The same things I would do if I wanted to indicate to a guy that I wanted to be friends. And I get women objectively more attractive than myself asking me out just because they see me as kind and likeable.
Another part of that is being put together. I’m carrying a little more weight than I should, average height, no striking features. But I went to a good college, I dress well, I read voraciously and have good speaking knowledge on a pretty decent range of topics, I make a good salary, comb my hair in the mornings. One of that is unrealistic to expect of someone, yet it can have huge impacts in how you are viewed in social settings. I think when trying to impress people, making yourself look like a desirable person to be around is far, far more important than throwing out a witty pickup line to try and charm them into a date.
One more thing, If nothing else, a pair of cowboy boots and a slight southern drawl go a long way in making a friendly compliment sound just a bit more appealing.
All of this adds up to Confidence, Not Desperate, Comfortable around women in general, intelligent, and hygienic…all traits women look for. Good reference for all men, not just the OP
well, if you’ve already decided women are intellectually inferior to you, which the comment would suggest, you’re gonna have a tough time. You treat a woman like that, she ain’t gonna like you.
Another confession time, been with this girl since long before I could enter a bar. Entirely missed out on the bar pickup scene. Zero regrets, wouldn’t trade it for the world
If I said “but” instead of “while” maybe you would have understood faster. But bravo, you sat back, thought, and realized the point I was making. We are progressing here.
How could I forget to mention the ultimate panty grease?
Semantic quibbling. That’s how you drop 'em. Don’t pass up the chance to explain your choice of words in detail at the slightest sign of disagreement. It’s important, after all.
Are we though you snarky douche? You don’t communicate clearly … you THINK you do, but you don’t. That’s where the majority of your issues with other posters here resides … your infantile use of the English language. So, fuck off with your patronizing and start communicating clearly asshat.
Funny, but to keep kosher (especially traveling in Asia) I eat a lot of sushi, generally at the bar, so I can see exactly what goes into it.
I tend to read something, usually history-related.
I’m not exactly an approachable-looking guy (except to gay men looking for bears, who are a wholly separate annoyance for a different thread), in that I wear a suit, am bearded, wear a wedding ring, am tall/big, and generally have a scowl on my face. Nor am I remotely interested in being approached.
Not all the time, but probably 1/3, a woman (and no, not a working woman) will come down and sit next to me, trying to start a conversation, usually starting with a line to the effect of “it is so refreshing seeing someone reading a book instead of staring at a phone.”
So there you go, a tip on flirting by someone not remotely interested in flirting.