Anyone experienced and good at this? Im getting attention, but my social skills with women are horrible. Ive only had 2 long term relationships in my life and now at 29, single, Im absolutely horrible at this shit.
How do you do it? I cannot talk like with my guy buddies, cause its too logical it seems, and “boring” to them.
Compliment them, make them laugh.
Can you describe these conversations? I wonder if it’s logical, or overly detailed, or like having a manual read to you, or…?
A good start would be to set aside the notion that women are not into or capable of logical thought or conversation. But I think people (particularly men justifying shortcomings) often misuse the word.
I don’t know I’m horrible as well. Same boat as you, 29, long-relationships only. Only dated girls (except for one) that made the first move lol. I’m very open and talkative and confident with people, even girls, BUT, as soon as I like them it’s the opposite. I guess we fear too much failure or something like that.
My good friend well he started flirting with everyone, getting rejected, or just talking, talking without even having the intention of hitting on the girls. Makes you more confident and also realizing that it doesn’t matter anyway. Now he’s REALLY good with women.
Exactly.
Equel, rejections happen, but they’ll awaken you to what works for you. Get out and enjoy being 29. Laughing and making eye contact ALWAYS works.
At 20 I had similar fears even though my “gonads had dropped appropriately.” Friends kept telling me a truly drop dead gorgeous woman in a 300+ classroom was often staring at me from about 40 feet away. I have always regretted not pursuing her, but years later I married a great woman who looks like her. I understand that woman serially married 3 times to men who consistently looked like me. Superficial feelings aside, I learned eventually we were compatible. My mother once mentioned her name to me 25+ years later when I was considering a divorce; I had never, ever, told my mother that woman’s name.
It’s hard, even when I drink. I get eyeballed very often, but I only mustered the courage to talk to a girl once lol. It was 2 months ago. I’ll try and try until I build more confidence
Just like you can learn from big guys and vets in the gym, find and hangout with guys who are naturals/very experienced. Pay attention to how they come across not just what they say.
As guy said above get them laughing a little but without being the jokester guy
When going to bars clubs etc spend first hour just going a round having a bunch of short 30-90 sec conversations with girls.
Nothing clever just be social -‘hey where you guys from/local’ , ‘hows your night going’ ‘you guys celbrating something?’ etc chit-chat for a tiny bit then MOVE ON to the next group.
If meet one really like or connect with go back later, chat for 5 mins and get her number suggest meet soon for coffee or whatever
I’ll second the KISS approach of compliments and laughs.
I’ve become a lot better at flirting in the last five years or so through nothing more than practice and increasing maturity. Taking a bouncer job helped because flirting is basically part of the job. Not that you’re supposed to hit on every woman who you card, but that many will end up flirting with you.
I’ve never been a pickup artist, looking for some kind of secret sauce that will make a girl like me or trick her somehow. All I do is converse naturally.
Ask her questions about herself. Let her talk and look for things you can connect with. Look for openings to drop jokes and make her laugh, and don’t be afraid to look a little stupid while you’re attempting this. If things fell like they might be warming up, drop a little innuendo.
I don’t get too vulgar with this, but don’t be afraid to let her know sex is on your mind without coming across as a creep. Here’s an example of “my style”.
A girl (who showed up with another guy, but wasn’t seeing him) had basically been spending the whole time with me outside while her poor date/friend stayed inside stewing. Sorry about that buddy.
We’d been having a nice conversation about a range of topics when she wanted to know what I do with someone who tries to drive away drunk.
“Well as much as I’d like to stop them, abduction is still a crime.”
“You’re not allowed to tie people up?” She asked with a mischievous grin.
“I only tie people up when I’m not at work”, grinning back at her.
The deal was sealed. We saw each other a few times after that and we’re still on good terms, even if a serious relationship isn’t in the cards.
Just be natural. Easier said than done, so practice talking to women!
Ahah that’s a nice story! Indeed I think
this is important if you don’t want “to be put in the friendzone”. If you somewhat let people know that you’re interested in them you’ll waste less time. Last girl that hit on me did something like your story, when I said I had a degree in english “oh I could definitely use some… tongue lessons” with a provocative smiley (well It is mistranslated from French on purpose so you can see what the play was).
Okay but what about when you’re not at “an encounter zone” like a party, a nightclub whatever and you rarely see girls. You “force” yourself to go out more etc?
I don’t really talk to women any differently in other settings. Same basic approach.
As far as meeting women, that can happen anywhere you go, but it will never happen if you don’t actively put yourself out there in some form.
Online dating makes that more convenient. I’m just getting into that. Tinder has been a mixed bag but I’m considering trying a more serious platform.
Encounters can happen anywhere. I dated a girl for a bit who I met at a convenience store. She was behind me buying something while on break and I was picking up a water. I bought my drink and said something to her - forget what, but it was quick and (I thought) witty. Then I waited for her at the entrance, introduced myself and walked her back to where she worked. Got her number and went on my way.
Talked to another girl at a book store. Make a some crack about a magazine she was looking at (is was a crack against myself as opposed to the magazine). She was flattered, we bantered back and forth for a couple minutes. I asked her out, turns out she was married but definitely into the flirting.
Went to an amusement park with some friends when I was in my early 20s and I ended up chatting it up with a group of girls at the park. Got one of their numbers, etc. etc. I have a few other stories of encounters at unlikely, “not at ‘an encounter zone’” places. Point is, and encounter zone is just where you make an encounter.
Best method I’ve ever used is to just earnestly compliment a woman on a specific choice she made (shoes, hair, clothing, jewelry, etc.) Most likely there’s a reason they’re wearing it and it may be to be noticed/standout. If something she’s wearing looks like that might the reason, comment on it. She’ll be flattered and talk about it. From there, you can ask questions. I always always always recommend on commenting on things that genuinely interest you or seem to be of interest. Don’t be phony. If you don’t feel that chemistry then it is what it is. Just kind of excuse yourself or wish her a good day and be on your way.
No real loss as you took a chance, gained some experience, and (if done in a non creepo way) made a lady feel good about herself
Bingo! Any moron can say “ you’re hot”. I think most girls like when you take notice of certain things like you mentioned.
Looks so easy ahah. I’m sure it is to you! I can barely say hi to girls at the gym
Don’t say hi to girls in the gym unless you’ve already established a rapport. People at the gym in general aren’t really there to socialize … at least in my experience. They’re there to get shit done. Just as you should be. The gym is gross and sweaty and girls don’t like it when other people see them that way. C’mon man.
And no, I’m naturally a shy person - super self-aware and in my head quite a bit. It’s taken a lot of work to break out of that shit. A lot of it has to do with pushing myself out of my comfort zone and doing things that make me uncomfortable. It’s not easy. At least not at first. It takes effort and discomfort, at least it did/does for me. Even now when I have nothing to risk talking to someone of the opposite sex as I’m happily married. Innocently talking to women anywhere takes a lot of work and effort - especially since I don’t want to project the wrong vibe (especially when I DO want to project the wrong vibe if you get what I mean).
I’d recommend starting small in a low risk type of setting but still pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone. Something like at the coffee shop or like my book store encounter. You see a girl/woman you find physically attractive, try to strike up a small conversation with her if you’re in a natural position to do so. Shit ain’t easy, especially when you’re already cripplingly self aware and in your head.
Men don’t talk to women. Women talk and men facilitate the discussion. Ask her a question. Listen. Provide no information.
The reason women like mysterious men is women enjoy dominating conversations completely.
Lots of good advice here. My advice is use humor. Get them laughing. Ask about THEM. Do not talk about yourself or your accomplishments unless asked and then be HUMBLE. Look at her directly when speaking. Listen to her. Be genuinely interested. Women can spot a liar or an insincere guy (at least the good ones can).
Personally I believe women still want the “bad boy”. The secret is to be a good man and a bad boy at the right times.
It’s so odd with T-Nation being responsible and grown up. It used to be a shitposter’s dream.
If you’d have asked “how do you flirt with women” 10 years ago, you’d get 99% sarcastic comments:
“I just wait for the rohypnol to kick in.”
“Casually insult her and then hit on her friend.”
“Ask her flat out if she has herpes, when she replies ‘no’ then ask: 'great you can have some of mine.”
In all seriousness @equel Try: “Hi I’m equel , what’s your name?”
If there’s mutual interest and attraction a conversation will develop. If you crash and burn, well now you still have 3.5 billion women left to flirt with. No big deal.
I direct deposit my paycheck into a “joint” account I’ve never seen. That seems to work*.
*spousal flirting
Nah, I remember it being both … I’ve been around here for like 14 years or some shit. It’s always had it’s fair share of good threads and shit posts … it’s part of the charm that keeps an asshole like me around…
This is true haha … you’d also get a good mix of legit advice too though
A good start would be to set aside the notion that women are not into or capable of logical thought or conversation.
this is exactly what you do not want to do.
don’t start conversations with ‘logic’ or anything very thought provoking. Keep all your conversations light and humorous. Don’t try and force being funny either, they’ll pick up on it. The best thing to do is be confident, very confident, just not arrogant.
Being aloof while engaging works every time. But that is a high tier skill that you develop over a long time… or you just simply have because you’re that successful in life.