I’m looking for some advice regarding my issues.
Short background: I’m 33 now. When I was 13 (puberty) I started feeling severe physical anxiety out of nowhere. This led to a panic attack, which in turn became panic disorder with agoraphobia and GAD.
It was so severe, I had to quit school!
Things got progressively worse, so I became almost housebound (could not leave my comfort zone or I would get an attack).
I have never had anxious thoughts or stuff like that. Depression either.
At 18 I was first diagnosed with panic disorder and put on Lexapro 10mg + Klonopin 0.5mg.
It worked to some level for 5 years with lots of effort on my part, I would be less anxious and able to at least go around town, but very far from remission.
The drugs apparently wore off and since I was 23 until now 33, I have tried 90% of the drugs for my condition (thats quite over 30 drugs SSRI, SNRI, MAOI, Trycyclics, Antipsychotics (made me insanely worse), Atypical a.d.'s, etc.), tried over 50 supplements and herbs, worked with 13 psychiatrists, 6 psychologists (long-term). None have helped even a little bit. All psychologists have agreed, that my mentality is one of the strongest/most sane they have ever met, even compared to people with no issues.
That being said, I would just wake up most of the time with physical anxiety. Sweaty palms, stiffness, nervousness and every day would be a slow roast in hell.
My shoulder/neck area would get extremely stiff that my gf is massaging me daily. Sometimes even my joints hurt and they always crack and pop.
First time I had bloodwork done, was when I was 21. It revealed low T, high Estradiol and Prolactin.
When the endo went through my panel, she concluded that this was due to the use of antidepressants and Klonopin, which I confirmed by myself online. I have had about 7-8 more bloodworks done through the years, which I will post below.
Despite reassurance that my low T was due to antidepressant use, I tried Tribulus terrestris, normal dosage, which led to quite bad anxiety after a few days.
I should mention that I have always loved sports and despite my female-type weight gain, I have always trained when feeling better - fitness, wrestling, boxing, judo, etc. - but I would often experience CATABOLIC effects from training.
I am also a very alpha male by mentality, but I act as a beta.
Years later, after another low T bloodwork, I was doing sports and wanted gains, so I injected a very low dose Omnadren.
Anxiety got so severe, I had to call my psych and got a new prescription for tranquilizers!
The past 4 years I have been on SNRI+Klonopin, but I have been progressively getting depressed, unmotivated, no drive, unable to experience any pleasure, to the point where now I’m bedridden and suicidal.
I should also mention a visible shrinkage in my testes, very low ejaculation volume and my sperm is extremely thick. Sometimes like a gummyworm! It’s very weird.
Here are some old bloodworks I could find:
I’m in Europe - I don’t know if this matters for measurements.
Test from 2015
ACTH 71.70pg/ml 7.2 - 63.3
FT3 4.59 pmol/l 3.1-6.8
fT4 16.27 pmol/l 12.0-22.0
TSH 2.150 mIU/ml 0.27-4.20
Prolactin 417.200 mlU/ml Male(86-324), Female (Non pregnant).(102-496)
LH 5.340 mlU/ml M(1.7-8.6)
FSH 1.990 mlU/ml M(1.5-12.4)
Estradiol 22.130 pg/ml M(7.63-42.6)
Testosterone 11.180 nmol/l Мen(9.9-27.8);1-6yrs.(0,10-1,12)7-12yrs.(0,10-2,37)
Cortisol 7 - 10 o’clock 495.40 nmol/l 7-10ч.-171-536; 16-18ч.-64-327
Cortisol 24h. urine 293.7 20.9-292.3
DHEA-S 10,470000 µmol/l Male<12.65;
Test from 2013
Testosterone 7.090 nmol/l М(9.9-27)
Prolactin 590.300 mlU/ml М(86-324)
Estradiol 52.240 pg/ml M(7.63-42.6)
Test from 2016
TSH 2.450 mIU/ml 0.27-4.20
Prolactin 331.30 mIU/ml Men 86.324
LH 3.75 mIU/ml 0.27-4.20
FSH 1.89 mIU/ml 1.5-12.4
Estradiol 54.93 pg/ml 184.108.40.206
Testosterone 16.56 nmol/l 9.9-27.8
*This was after supplementing with Maca to increase T
Test from 2010
FT3 6.03pmol/l 3.1-6.8
FT4 14.22pmol/l 12.0-22.0
TSH 1.46mlU/ml 0.27-4.20
Prolactin 419.2mlU/ml 86-324
Estradiol 181.4pmol/l 28-156
Progesterone 1.79nmol/l 0-5.3
Testosterone 9.64nmol/l 9.9-27.8
DHEA-S 11.140umol/l (refference smudged)
ACTH 21.080pg/ml 4.7-48.8
4 androstenedione 7.790nmol/l 1.22-11.00
Somatotropic hormone 0.11ng/ml 0.10-5.92
There are about 5 more tests that I cannot find. All have my T lower than bottom refference and E + Prolactin higher.
P.S. As a last resort, doctors put me on the last med I have not tried - Lithium and I will have bloodwork next week.
I will also check out my hormones, but I’m afraid Lithium could mess them up and not give a correct representation.
Do you believe that there could be a link between:
- Onset of panic attacks - puberty (hormonal changes).
- T converting to Estrogens, being the core of my issues? (Genetic, etc.).
- The above to be the reason why I react so violently to introduction of T.
- I could benefit from TRT with arimidex for example.
- Could only arimidex improve my condition, since the long-term use of antidepressants
boosts serotonin levels and lowers dopamine levels, lowering pleasure, testosterone, reward-seeking, excitability, sex, etc., while arimidex raises dopamine.