Friends Getting Older Sucks

Off Topic
41

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:
sluicy wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:
sluicy wrote:
Damici wrote:
Just you wait until they get a little older and start getting married and BREEDING. The conversation quickly morphs from uninteresting to mind-fucking-numbingly intolerable.

  • TRUST. ME. *

Oh man, what is the worst is being with multiple other couples ALL who have infant/toddler children and the guys and gals split up. The gals always talk about all the nuances of motherhood. I like to be respectful to the people we choose to hang out with, but often I just can’t take it, and I just do whatever the guys are doing because it’s usually carnival level fun compared to the diaper talk.

It’s not always like this, but with the majority of people our age who are married with whom we have contact. Not all, but many.

I hate to be so negative but it’s true.

Just wait until you’re the one with infant/toddler aged children and you’re stuck at home with them all day and your own life is mind numbingly fucking boring and you want to go where the guys are having carnival fun and stab your husband to death because he’s having carnival fun and you’re stuck with sticky kids and diapers and the satisfaction of killing him outweighs the idea of prison. Plus, in prison you have a better chance of no one puking in your bed.

I hate to be so negative but it’s true.

Happily, they get old enough to babysit so you can finally have your life back and develop some interests outside of shitty diapers and thoughts of homicide.

Oh dear…
Ouroboro, I wasn’t making fun of people who have children. Did you think I was? (This is where internet posting leaves me clueless because there are no faces or voice tones.) Motherhood is something very honorable for which I don’t think I’d ever be ready. But when you don’t have kids, and all your friends do, it’s difficult to relate to the degree to which all aspects of babyhood occupy the conversation. I’m really sorry if I offended you or anyone else, it wasn’t my intent to put down people who chose to have children while we have not.

Oh, I wasn’t offended. It’s funny, the time of life when our kids are that age was very difficult for me. All the other mommy’s would go on about how happy they were. It was the best thing ever. Bla, bla, bla. All I could do was look at them and think “You’re all a bunch of fucking liars.” Turns out, when we talk about it 10 years later, we were all lying. All the boring mommy talk is a code for ‘rescue me’ :slight_smile:

That’s one reason why I can’t understand why, when people reach middle age, they view their lives as set in stone and winding down. I feel like mine is finally really beginning for me.

Now I bore the crap out of people with talk of competition totals, squat suits and supplements. [/quote]

Ok, phew :slight_smile:
That’s funny/interesting…

You can come to my gatherings and talk about totals and suits and so forth and I’ll drool… (like the toddlers drooling over their yogurt snacks, but just to be consistent). :slight_smile:

42

[quote]sluicy wrote:
In fact we usually don’t have the best time with married people our age, because we’re uncomfortable with how they treat each other. That’s quite frustrating.
[/quote]

x2

WTF is up with that? My husband and I are 28 and all of our friends are single for that very reason. I can’t even hang out with married women by myself because the conversation always turns to “My husband’s a piece of shit because…” and I have nothing to add to that convo. I actually like my spouse, hence my marrying him and all.

43

[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:
sluicy wrote:
In fact we usually don’t have the best time with married people our age, because we’re uncomfortable with how they treat each other. That’s quite frustrating.

x2

WTF is up with that? My husband and I are 28 and all of our friends are single for that very reason. I can’t even hang out with married women by myself because the conversation always turns to “My husband’s a piece of shit because…” and I have nothing to add to that convo. I actually like my spouse, hence my marrying him and all.

[/quote]

I lost ALL sympathy for girls who stay with assholes (I’m not talking about the guy who doesnt give up his life for a girl or is playfully making fun, but genuine pieces of shit) when I was about 20. I felt bad until I realized “oh wait…she is the one that sticks around for it. Hell, she prefers it.”

I cant stand listening to that kind of poor-me talk. DUMP THE LOSER YOU IDIOT.

44

[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
B Rock,

I think we are the same age. I’m in school finishing up my degree but most of my friends are working or getting married, settling down.

I have been fortunate that my high school friends are still around, and we all hang out once every couple of months. Most people seem to be caught up in the post-college marriage rush, though, especially the girls. It is very annoying.

It’s like marriage is the new ‘thing’ to do. I have one friend who is in his early 30s, married, and whom I knew before he tied the knot (but was still with his girl back then).

They are like family to me. We still hang out, party every few weeks, have dinners, go on trips. My circle of ‘fun’ people has dwindled and people have dispersed, and my dating pool is now relegated to single folk that my friends or friends of friends know of and introduce me to. Or, if I am lucky, a girl I met that came to join my group at some house party.

I definitely know where you are coming from, but don’t forget that there are people much older than you who still have active social lives and that means friends with active social lives, even of the same age.

It’s very doable, just the dynamics are a little different.[/quote]

Sounds about right to me Ponce. Most of my friends have b/f or g/f’s now and it seems like one by one they are all being put in the position where it’s “do or die” as far as marriage goes. I’m all for it; I plan on marrying my girl…but we both agreed that there is no rush at all. There are other things we’d rather do with our time/money then plan/have a wedding. And we just booked a trip out to Cali for February…so that’s the plan.

I think that people try to find time in between work and sleep to fill; and that’s why they end up watching 5-100 tv series each season. It’s crazy. I have 1 that I mainly watch and then I usually stretch/roll out or just lay there while my girl watches a few of hers.

45

Sounds like your friends are just getting settled in as sheep.

You have to watch who you hang out with, as friends can drag you down, as can family or anyone close. Most people lead mediocre lives and it can be hard to break out of that since we are surrounded by people just like that. My best friend, who I have known since I was 8(I’m 24) and I still see basically everyday is having this effect on me and its bugging me lately.

Today I mentioned how I hadn’t had time to play a new computer game I got and since I don’t work he assumes I have all the time in the world to sit down and watch TV and play games.

There is a site called meetup.com you can use to meet some new people with similiar interest. I haven’t used it personally but I’ve heard it can be useful to get some contacts.

46

Pot, Kettle.

Friends are generally unsatisfying. I’m always looking for better ones.

47

[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:
sluicy wrote:
In fact we usually don’t have the best time with married people our age, because we’re uncomfortable with how they treat each other. That’s quite frustrating.

x2

WTF is up with that? My husband and I are 28 and all of our friends are single for that very reason. I can’t even hang out with married women by myself because the conversation always turns to “My husband’s a piece of shit because…” and I have nothing to add to that convo. I actually like my spouse, hence my marrying him and all.

[/quote]

Exactly. If I went by my conversations with the females in our group of neighbors (who are all in their 20s), their husbands are universally brain dead. And it’s perfectly acceptable to inform them of that fact, in front of others, nonetheless. Now, I understand loving teasing. But my husband back off on that when we’re around some couples because their tone is not the same. (There are faults on the male side of the relationship too, but I’m specifically speaking about what I experience as a female.)

Our married friends are usually older and have been together for a while, like friends of parents, professors and their spouses, etc. We do have married friends our age we enjoy being with but they live in Canada, Brazil, Michigan, not really places we can visit every Saturday night.

48

[quote]sluicy wrote:
MarvelGirl wrote:
sluicy wrote:
In fact we usually don’t have the best time with married people our age, because we’re uncomfortable with how they treat each other. That’s quite frustrating.

x2

WTF is up with that? My husband and I are 28 and all of our friends are single for that very reason. I can’t even hang out with married women by myself because the conversation always turns to “My husband’s a piece of shit because…” and I have nothing to add to that convo. I actually like my spouse, hence my marrying him and all.

Exactly. If I went by my conversations with the females in our group of neighbors (who are all in their 20s), their husbands are universally brain dead. And it’s perfectly acceptable to inform them of that fact, in front of others, nonetheless. Now, I understand loving teasing. But my husband back off on that when we’re around some couples because their tone is not the same. (There are faults on the male side of the relationship too, but I’m specifically speaking about what I experience as a female.)

Our married friends are usually older and have been together for a while, like friends of parents, professors and their spouses, etc. We do have married friends our age we enjoy being with but they live in Canada, Brazil, Michigan, not really places we can visit every Saturday night.[/quote]

I don’t know if that’s a function of being married or just what those people are like together. I find it embarrassing and draining to be around. Years ago my husband and I were meant to spend a weekend at a chalet with my friend and her boyfriend. After one night with them, we packed up, made some excuse and left. They were each as bad as each other for picking and bitching. Also, as much as I love my friend, she has emasculated every guy she’s ever been with. I think they have a Linda’s ex, support group.

I think people have lost the art of good manners. It isn’t acceptable to make everyone around you uncomfortable with that sort of behaviour. Do what you must in private but save it for later.

49

[quote]Lonnie123 wrote:
MarvelGirl wrote:
sluicy wrote:
In fact we usually don’t have the best time with married people our age, because we’re uncomfortable with how they treat each other. That’s quite frustrating.

x2

WTF is up with that? My husband and I are 28 and all of our friends are single for that very reason. I can’t even hang out with married women by myself because the conversation always turns to “My husband’s a piece of shit because…” and I have nothing to add to that convo. I actually like my spouse, hence my marrying him and all.

I lost ALL sympathy for girls who stay with assholes (I’m not talking about the guy who doesnt give up his life for a girl or is playfully making fun, but genuine pieces of shit) when I was about 20. I felt bad until I realized “oh wait…she is the one that sticks around for it. Hell, she prefers it.”

I cant stand listening to that kind of poor-me talk. DUMP THE LOSER YOU IDIOT. [/quote]

But, but…she doesn’t want to be alone. Who else will she watch Grey’s Anatomy with?

You meanie.

50

[quote]ouroboro_s wrote:

I think people have lost the art of good manners. It isn’t acceptable to make everyone around you uncomfortable with that sort of behaviour. Do what you must in private but save it for later.[/quote]

That was one of the first things I told my ex, that if she ever fought with me in front of others or put me down and made a scene, I’d leave without thinking twice.

51

[quote]Vicomte wrote:
B rocK wrote:I think that people try to find time in between work and sleep to fill; and that’s why they end up watching 5-100 tv series each season. It’s crazy. I have 1 that I mainly watch and then I usually stretch/roll out or just lay there while my girl watches a few of hers.

Pot, Kettle.

Friends are generally unsatisfying. I’m always looking for better ones.

[/quote]

I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that I’m calling the kettle black. (yes i’m biased though)

The time I spend between work and sleep is filled with eating, cooking, lifting, lifting-stuff at home, playing games with my girl, some tv, playing with my pup and the occasional fix-it job at the apartment. as opposed to go home, turn on tv, turn off, go to bed. repeat previous day.

52

[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:

I think people have lost the art of good manners. It isn’t acceptable to make everyone around you uncomfortable with that sort of behaviour. Do what you must in private but save it for later.

That was one of the first things I told my ex, that if she ever fought with me in front of others or put me down and made a scene, I’d leave without thinking twice.[/quote]

Is that why she’s your ex now? You have a lot of rules. I’m writing them all down just so you know. No discourse on canine toe nails, no public put downs, no wet socks. Those are just the most recent.

53

[quote]B rocK wrote:
Vicomte wrote:
B rocK wrote:I think that people try to find time in between work and sleep to fill; and that’s why they end up watching 5-100 tv series each season. It’s crazy. I have 1 that I mainly watch and then I usually stretch/roll out or just lay there while my girl watches a few of hers.

Pot, Kettle.

Friends are generally unsatisfying. I’m always looking for better ones.

I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that I’m calling the kettle black. (yes i’m biased though)

The time I spend between work and sleep is filled with eating, cooking, lifting, lifting-stuff at home, playing games with my girl, some tv, playing with my pup and the occasional fix-it job at the apartment. as opposed to go home, turn on tv, turn off, go to bed. repeat previous day.

[/quote]

And you know what makes all that shit worse?

When people assume that there’s a “normal” day for going out. If I want to go check out the new wine bar or something on a Monday or Tuesday night, why does that matter? Why does it HAVE to be on a Thursday or Friday night? I fucking hate that.

Let’s buy into ‘rules’ that nobody has ever questioned! Days of the weeks are almost 100% arbitrary. People like the feeling of the week winding down (Thursday nights), so they will go out. But if it’s Monday, everyone is half-dead.

I think that’s the other mentality that keeps people lame.

54

I love it when friends, family or acquaintances say that “They’re just far too busy to do what I do.”, as if I simply have an immense amount of free time to do what I please. Then I remind them that I am up EVERYDAY an hour before I need to be awake to do HIIT or SSC.

Then I am either at work or classes all day. Then when I’m finished with working and classes, I find the willpower to go to the gym and annhilate my body. Come home, cook and clean, satisfy my fiance, complete any studying or work that needs completion and go to bed to do it again.

These people have no willpower and are weak minded, they make excuses because they have to, they don’t understand any other way in which it could be possible to live the way most of us do. They can’t comprehend spending their leisure time with their body in a state of pain. I’m not sure how old you are, but when I was around 21 I started diverging paths from most of my friends because interests no longer meshed. Sounds like this is what’s happening.

55

If you want something bad enough you will make the time for it. Period.

56

[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
B rocK wrote:
Vicomte wrote:
B rocK wrote:I think that people try to find time in between work and sleep to fill; and that’s why they end up watching 5-100 tv series each season. It’s crazy. I have 1 that I mainly watch and then I usually stretch/roll out or just lay there while my girl watches a few of hers.

Pot, Kettle.

Friends are generally unsatisfying. I’m always looking for better ones.

I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that I’m calling the kettle black. (yes i’m biased though)

The time I spend between work and sleep is filled with eating, cooking, lifting, lifting-stuff at home, playing games with my girl, some tv, playing with my pup and the occasional fix-it job at the apartment. as opposed to go home, turn on tv, turn off, go to bed. repeat previous day.

And you know what makes all that shit worse?

When people assume that there’s a “normal” day for going out. If I want to go check out the new wine bar or something on a Monday or Tuesday night, why does that matter? Why does it HAVE to be on a Thursday or Friday night? I fucking hate that.

Let’s buy into ‘rules’ that nobody has ever questioned! Days of the weeks are almost 100% arbitrary. People like the feeling of the week winding down (Thursday nights), so they will go out. But if it’s Monday, everyone is half-dead.

I think that’s the other mentality that keeps people lame.[/quote]

Good point man. I had a drink last night and my girl looked at me like I was insane; for a minute. Then she tasted it.

However, I gotta say that after a typical weekend of being lazy, seeing friends and lifting…monday night’s for me are pretty tiring. But then again I’m sure if I was offered something fun to do I’d still have energy to do just that.

57

I remember going to JC and grabbing a Wild Turkey on rocks with my burger, just before my afternoon class. That was fun.

My point about all that, though, is that we buy into the idea of ‘phases.’ You are x years old? Why aren’t you: married, paying a mortgage, etc?

It’s what time of year? You should be doing xyz.

Life is not a goddamn assembly line. I am the one responsible for putting a smile on my face, not you.

58

[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
ouroboro_s wrote:

I think people have lost the art of good manners. It isn’t acceptable to make everyone around you uncomfortable with that sort of behaviour. Do what you must in private but save it for later.

That was one of the first things I told my ex, that if she ever fought with me in front of others or put me down and made a scene, I’d leave without thinking twice.[/quote]

When my husband and I first got together we spent a good deal of time laying down ground rules (it was really more of a discussion of mutual standards) of how we would present ourselves in front of other people, going through all sorts of scenarios such as disagreements, misunderstandings, etc. One of the main reasons was that both of us had parents who would fight publicly.

All people have a lot of preconceptions that they bring into a relationship. For one of my particularly bitter friends, it is partially due to the fact that she’s been hurt by men (i.e. her father) in the past and she brings a level of defense into any relationship, which manifests itself in lashing out. Whatever the cause, though, it’s the responsibility of a hurtful person to alter their behavior. But many people aren’t willing to be introspective or mature enough to do so. This goes for a whole range of destructive behavior.

59

Usually when someone tells you they are “busy”, it’s an attempt to make themselves sound important or worthwhile. There are few people I know who are truly busy. Most just fill their schedule with useless or unnecessary obligations.

I noticed this trend mainly with younger women, single or attached. It sounds like they believe being busy is directly proportional to how people percieve your worth. It’s weird.

Also, it seems like most people become pussified after age 22. It’s quite depressing. They settled down to late and are paying for it. It seems like they saw promise in a mature adult lifestyle, little do they know its the same as its always been: replace school with work, and your parents house with your own place.

I’ve seen the consequences of being “cautious” and “by the book”; a mundane and regretful existence that carries on into your old age.

60

[quote]sluicy wrote:
But many people aren’t willing to be introspective or mature enough to do so. This goes for a whole range of destructive behavior.[/quote]

Those same people have so much pride that, as an alternative to saving face for being wrong, they really try to focus their anger and hold everyone else accountable for not being sensitive to their history. As opposed to letting up the act and admitting overreaction.

I feel like those people are a free pass to rip apart publicly. The opportunity to do so is almost a favorite past time for me.

No wonder I still have a lot of good karma left.