T Nation

Dangerous Curves

I had a thread on here before where I was tracking my training and things were going good on and off. I started at 210lbs and I am 5.4. Well I was, now I am 225lbs. I had gotten down to 189lbs and I was feeling so good and then I missed one day, then another and it became easier and easier to just not go to the gym. Then I went out for drinks with the girls and I was mooed at. It was a group of young guys and the one that did it was drunk and his friends apologized, but it seemed to shatter me. I started just being a hermit, eating and even drinking way too much and I gained pounds each week. The more I gained the more depressed and the only thing that made me feel good, the only thing I enjoyed was eating and drinking. Then I would be horrified at what I had done and would mentally bash myself and fall into a deeper depression. I realized that I was creating a viscious circle but I am struggling in it.

I am at my aunt’s house until Monday, celebrating the holidays and the looks on the faces of my family when they saw me was what you would expect. Some disapproval, and sadness and too cheery greetings. And everyone is watching what I eat. I want Monday to get here so fast.

I read how this isn’t a place really for motivation but a place to do it and learn and no one can motivate you but yourself. I just feel a bit hopeless. I read one of the tricks about trying to picture in your mind a time when you were angry and use that to get in a good and hard workout but I feel so defeated right now I can’t get to the anger stage I just seem stuck in despair.

Does anyone know a technique to get out of the despair and get to the anger and motivation stage? It is such a drain and it influences everything in my life day after day.

Has anyone overcome this that you know of or been through and been successful? Is there a best way such as hit it hard and every day or do I go 3 days a week and ease into things?

I read this site daily so I know what I should eat I just don’t do it.
When I was going to the gym I get paranoid if I don’t do a whole body workout so suggestions are welcome.

BEGINNING PLAN

1800 cals a day with 3 meals and 2 snacks
I have no idea what program, I just go there and do what is open and try to avoid eye contact or getting in anyone’s way.

This outreach right now is not something I am proud of, but I don’t want to die from a heart attack or diabetes or even drinking myself into a coma so I am laying everything bare.

I want to save my life and I want to be all set to go with no excuses and everything prepared on Monday.

Isabelle

You’re already doing a ton for yourself just by making the decision that you’re actually going to do something, and starting to put on paper what that plan is. I look forward to seeing you evolve!

While lifting is a great thing for making you feel powerful, and I absolutely recommend that you go out and start researching the programs that I know the women on here will recommend, I would also recommend that you try including yoga a few nights out of the week. I found that yoga is one of the best ways to feel happy, peaceful, and at ease with yourself. There will be days when the lifting doesn’t go perfect, or when you you slip off of the bandwagon for a second, and including yoga in your workout schedule can help fight these things.

If you’re looking for a good video, I recommend Barren Baptiste.

On a lifting note, Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe breaks down the lifts really well and offers a good starting program. You can buy it for much cheaper online at Amazon (otherwise you’re looking to pay $50+)

the best way ive found to get yourself out of some kind of despair is to accomplish something. anything. put away laundry. wash the dishes. then keep going. let yourself sit back and say, “hell yeah. i accomplished that.” and just that. no, “i should/could have done more.” stop at hell yeah.

then go to the gym. pick up something heavy (heavy is all relative), and do it again. look at it, laugh at it. that war between you, the iron, and gravity will always leave you feeling accomplished.

throw away the fucking scale. havent had one in my house for 9 months, and i kept it around the last 3 months i had it to see how much i lost after i pooped.

grow some tunnel vision. i dont mean long term, i mean next task. there is nothing else until your next task is complete. next rep, next set, next meal.

programs won’t matter for awhile. get in there and get it done.

Thank you CBear and Oleena.

CBear I am going to do as you suggested and celebrate my every day accmplishments and recover some peace of mind and enjoyment in getting something done.

I may try a yoga class again. My gym does offer them.

I got out of the house with my nieces and nephew and walked to the park. I am giving myself a Hell Yeah for playing with them and moving and feeling less dark about things.

Thanks again for the suggestions.

You should talk to Jane - Janiee on here I think is her sn. She has a log in this section. She lost a ton of weight and can probably relate to what you’re going through.

I fell off the wagon big time when I lost my job. I am up to 236lbs.
I have been told I should probably find another website to post at, but I don’t really want to. I have reasons why I am here.

I have a friend that had weight loss surgery and has lost 96lbs! I am happy for her and sad all at the same time. It is like I am falling behind.

I do go to the gym. Now anyways. I hadn’t been for quite a long while. I am not the typical person on this website, but I WANT TO BE THE TYPICAL PERSON ON THIS WEBSITE!!@!!!

I searched high and low, and this is where I want to be.

I’d prefer to lose weight through diet and exercise, not surgery.

The thing is, your mind doesn’t change when you get surgery. When you’re working out, you work more than your body. You’re working your mind and soul. When 100 lbs is taken off of you in a day, your mentality doesn’t change. That sense of accomplishment isn’t felt.

Personally, I don’t like the easy way out. I lost 70 lbs through diet and exercise and wouldn’t change it for dropping 80 lbs in a day.

End rant. I’m glad that you’re back and here is a great place for you to be.

[quote]Belle Curvy wrote:
I WANT TO BE THE TYPICAL PERSON ON THIS WEBSITE!!@!!!

I searched high and low, and this is where I want to be. [/quote]

No one but you can help you get started on the right path. Once you take the first step, I’m sure many of us would be glad to help. You need a solid plan. One that encompasses both training and diet. Do you have anything in mind? Do you have the resources to meet with a nutritionist and trainer, even if only for a consult to get you on your way?

Hey Belle-
someone here said you shouldn’t post here??

I don’t know if your familiar with precision nutrition, but every 6 months or so they open up there Lean Eating coaching program
http://www.precisionnutrition.com/lean-eating-waiting-list

Something to consider anyway.
But we all have the power of making choices each day. It’s using that power to make good choices that will get you closer to your goals. Is drinking and eating junk going to get you closer?

One day at a time is all you can do. There not always going to be perfect, but it’s no excuse to slip further away or just give up.

K is right. Have you considered working with a trainer who could get you on the right track? Sometimes just having that extra someone you are accountable to is just the right dose of motivation you need.

Hang in there!

I may contradict some people here but rather than looking at your total cals for the next little while why not give yourself the challenge of eating clean? (I’m assuming you know what that means: protein, veg, complex carbs & healthy fats). Try that for 30-60 days and see how well you stick to it. That alone should help you lean out. After that you might try cutting cals but I find eating to my hunger of only the good stuff has been a good trick. And keep the booze for occasions. Give yourself a target, maybe two weekends a month or only a drink on saturdays. Just my two cents. The only way to get out of a cycle is simply to refuse it, not next monday but right now, this very meal pick up something good for your body as a gift to yourself.

edit: and fuck the others. even as a tiny underfed younger woman I still couldn’t get the approval of everyone I wanted. Recently someone I care for told me she thought women with broad shoulders looked manly and ugly. well tough shit. I love my shoulders. I work hard for them. don’t look at them if they bother you so damn much. also I post vids of my lifts to help my form and inspire others. again I was told by someone I loved, “people are probably looking at those and laughing” why? 'cause they don’t get it. well I’m happy if I inspire 1 single person to take care of themselves and start moving.

ok end/rant. Be selfish, do it for yourself and enjoy the journey. You will find the destination that much more rewarding.

yes! Eat clean!
There’s actually a book that might interest you…and there’s a challenge coming up as well I think…
http://eatcleandiet.com/

I tried the whole counting macros, cals, etc…it didn’t work for me.

Belle, there is no typical person for this website. Everyone is different. The women who have posted in this thread are as individual as snowflakes. MiM has lost a ton of weight, you can see the before pix in her hub. Just in this thread you have an 18 y/o (Nikki), a Navy mom of two (MiM), a couple of kick ass ladies on the other side of 30 (nlmain, ksnap) who definitely do NOT look their age, and me, a 32 y/o newb.

I totally understand the self-loathing. My self-esteem was non-existent even though I was always underweight (110 lbs at age 18 at 5’7), I still thought I was fat and ugly. Then I started gaining weight and now I’m 30 lbs overweight. I know that’s not a lot compared to where you are at, but where I came from, it is huge.

The thing to do is not look ahead. Don’t get any grand plans that will overwhelm you and just thinking about them makes you tired. This is what I used to do. I would join a gym, get a trainer, go for a week or two, then BAM! Stop. Nothing. I would get so overwhelmed with the thinking…it hurt to think! Then a friend of mine gave me awesome advice: Just think about today. When you wake up think about what you are doing today. For me, today is deadlift day. So I know what I’m doing, how I’m going to eat, etc. That’s all I think about. Tomorrow I will think about tomorrow. This takes away all the stress. It’s very liberating.

On this site there is SOOOOOOOOOOO much information that it is easy to get bogged down and not see the forest for the trees. Well, the thing to do is start small, experiment, see what works best for YOUR body. You will get there, this site can and does help. The ladies in this forum are awesome, they know their shit. These ladies give me motivation to do my best, lift heavier, and keep going. It’s not all about them though. I’ve lost an inch on my waist. I’m starting to get abs. These things keep me motivated as well.

It’s cheesy, but everything depends on you. What you get out of training is what you put into it. I’m sure you have what it takes to get where you want to go, and we can be there to help. :slight_smile:

Hello Belle,

I read some of your posts in a thread in SAMA and decided to check out your log.

Here are my suggestions - I hope you find them helpful.

  1. I think nlmain is right - just focus on eating clean, simple foods for now and don’t worry about the amounts. Eat approximately every 3 hours and be sure to have breakfast. Drink lots of water. You will develop a schedule for eating that will help.

  2. I found it helpful to have a plan before I went into the gym, so I’d have some idea what to do and not feel completely out of place. I went with The New Rules of Lifting for Women by L. Schuler and A. Cosgrove. It has a seven stage exercise program (~6 months). I challenged myself to finish those seven stages to the best of my ability – no quitting no matter what! Then I would decide where to go from there. I used the book and YouTube to learn how to do the lifts and exercises I didn’t know well (about 60% of them). Keeping a log to track your progress is a good idea. Consistently go to the gym. I started out going 3 days a week and that worked just fine.

  3. Have you considered seeing a counselor to talk about what’s going on in your life right now? A person who is not a friend and who is not a relative could really help you gain perspective on what’s positive about you. Help you remember your strengths – because you have them. An uninvolved third party can see a situation from a completely different view that may help you see the situation differently, too. If money is an issue, some institutions (local college, school) or charities (Catholic Charities, I think, for example) offer discounted counseling services.

I realize you don’t know me so I will give you a short synopsis about me. I’m 43, female and currently about 166 lbs. (5’3"). In February, 2009 got tired of being fat with no energy and decided to change. In my life I had either been fat (majority of it) or skinny fat (late 20’s, early 30’s), then I really gained weight and became obese (223 lbs. a year after my 5th child born). I did some workouts in Oxygen for awhile, then I decided to do the NROLW challenge, and I have no regrets. It was tough going to the weights area where 90% of the population were men or teenage boys, but I made no apologies to anybody for being there. And frankly, I did not have a problem with the guys there. If they laughed at me or made rude comments, I was never aware of them. I did my best to keep to gym etiquette and focused on me and what I could do. You don’t owe anyone any apologies for being obese or for being in the gym. You are trying to change and that’s what matters. It is a lot of work, but worth it. You can do this, and a year from now you will be ever so grateful that you did.

Good luck and best wishes in your fitness goals,
~Bug67.

Welcome Belle!!!

the ladies above are right–there are so many different chicks and perspectives here, i say get what good vibes, happiness, distraction–whatever you can from whatever source. Small goals, small steps, and behavior awareness–that is hard for me.

I offer you lots of good karma, luck, and WORD–Just Positive energy.

Thanks for all the posts! I read the Green Faces article and am using that as a guide for better eating. I do let myself have a piece of toast with tea in the afternoon. I would probably attack a bakery on my way home if I couldn’t have any kind of bread right off the bat.

My eating was good today. I resisted the craving for a second piece of toast and instead had more tea. I am hungry right now but I am drinking water and waiting 20-minutes to see if I am hungry or I am just wanting to eat out of habit.

I did go to the gym!

10 minute warm up on the treadmill

To keep myself just thinking about me I wore my iPod and played it loud. ;>

Step ups - 10 on each leg
7.5 db - over head press, lateral raises (10 each)

back to step ups - 10 each leg

17.5lb db - chest press (10)

holding same dbs I did walking lunges

12lb db - flyes (10)

17.5lb dbs walking lunges

crunches and reverse crunches

That was my first workout in about 6months. I thought I would go every other day.

I just did what I wanted but I will get more organized. I worry if I don’t do my whole body every time I won’t be making progress. For now I want to really focus on my legs and belly and my thoughts are that I would do 3 x 8.

I don’t have money for a trainer now but that is a great suggestion. I will have to put it on my wish list!

Thank you all again for the good advice and positive encouragement.

Awesome! You’re doing fabulous, eats and workout wise.

I remember it was hard for my mom to cut down on portion sizes, so you’re already on the right track drinking water and questioning if you are really hungry or if you just want to snack for the heck of it.

[quote]Nikki9591 wrote:
Awesome! You’re doing fabulous, eats and workout wise.

I remember it was hard for my mom to cut down on portion sizes, so you’re already on the right track drinking water and questioning if you are really hungry or if you just want to snack for the heck of it.[/quote]

Thanks! I also wanted to say I started a journal to write things down the good and the bad, but especially the good. Maybe when I read back it will clear up some of all this drama.

[quote]Belle Curvy wrote:
Thanks for all the posts! I read the Green Faces article and am using that as a guide for better eating. I do let myself have a piece of toast with tea in the afternoon. I would probably attack a bakery on my way home if I couldn’t have any kind of bread right off the bat.

My eating was good today. I resisted the craving for a second piece of toast and instead had more tea. I am hungry right now but I am drinking water and waiting 20-minutes to see if I am hungry or I am just wanting to eat out of habit.

I did go to the gym!

10 minute warm up on the treadmill

To keep myself just thinking about me I wore my iPod and played it loud. ;>

Step ups - 10 on each leg
7.5 db - over head press, lateral raises (10 each)

back to step ups - 10 each leg

17.5lb db - chest press (10)

holding same dbs I did walking lunges

12lb db - flyes (10)

17.5lb dbs walking lunges

crunches and reverse crunches

That was my first workout in about 6months. I thought I would go every other day.

I just did what I wanted but I will get more organized. I worry if I don’t do my whole body every time I won’t be making progress. For now I want to really focus on my legs and belly and my thoughts are that I would do 3 x 8.

I don’t have money for a trainer now but that is a great suggestion. I will have to put it on my wish list!

Thank you all again for the good advice and positive encouragement. [/quote]

I totally understand about going cold turkey on certain foods. Cutting down is better than nothing! It’s also the timing of eating certain foods. I’m sure the experts can tell you when it’s best to eat carbs and stuff like that.

[quote]Grneyes wrote:

[quote]Belle Curvy wrote:
Thanks for all the posts! I read the Green Faces article and am using that as a guide for better eating. I do let myself have a piece of toast with tea in the afternoon. I would probably attack a bakery on my way home if I couldn’t have any kind of bread right off the bat.

My eating was good today. I resisted the craving for a second piece of toast and instead had more tea. I am hungry right now but I am drinking water and waiting 20-minutes to see if I am hungry or I am just wanting to eat out of habit.

I did go to the gym!

10 minute warm up on the treadmill

To keep myself just thinking about me I wore my iPod and played it loud. ;>

Step ups - 10 on each leg
7.5 db - over head press, lateral raises (10 each)

back to step ups - 10 each leg

17.5lb db - chest press (10)

holding same dbs I did walking lunges

12lb db - flyes (10)

17.5lb dbs walking lunges

crunches and reverse crunches

That was my first workout in about 6months. I thought I would go every other day.

I just did what I wanted but I will get more organized. I worry if I don’t do my whole body every time I won’t be making progress. For now I want to really focus on my legs and belly and my thoughts are that I would do 3 x 8.

I don’t have money for a trainer now but that is a great suggestion. I will have to put it on my wish list!

Thank you all again for the good advice and positive encouragement. [/quote]

I totally understand about going cold turkey on certain foods. Cutting down is better than nothing! It’s also the timing of eating certain foods. I’m sure the experts can tell you when it’s best to eat carbs and stuff like that.[/quote]

I did read how now the carbs go before the workout so I did have my toast about an hour before the gym. And I also drank a protein shake.

Hey Belle, good job on taking that first and second step. The beginning is the most important, in my opinion. I’m also glad you’ve got a log on here. I’m doing the same in the Training Log section. Helps keep you honest. I do have a question, though. How do you do toast and tea!?! The tea I can definitely get down with, but toast?? OMG I would die!! It brings back too many memories of growing up and only having toast for breakfast. I was ravenous an hour later! LOL. You are better than I am. But all jokes aside, I look forward to seeing and reading about your progress. It’s awesome that you are working to change yourself. Now…as I said previously, pics, or it didn’t happen! :wink: Keep up the good work!