Carlin cracks me up

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

– George Carlin

“Here’s something you’ll never hear a man say: ‘STOP SUCKING MY DICK OR I’LL CALL THE POLICE!’”.

Dan – I remember seeing that routine on HBO years ago. And I think (at that time) it was that those faster were assholes (not maniacs, but who knows, maybe he’s mellowed with the years).

But the point of it was that every one is either an idiot or an asshole.

Ah geez, I never was good at comedy.

Speaking of idiots and maniacs, I was driving home last night with two antique monitor top refrigerators in the back of a Chevy S-10. They were secured, but not very stable, and the larger one was trying VERY hard to tip over and fall out of the truck. I had people tailgating me, passing on double lines into oncoming traffic and other STUPID shit.

Then, this morning, on the way to the garage to drop them off, some asshole flies by me on the right and then cuts me off because he had to make a left hand turn. I almost had 350 pounds of frige go though the cab’s back window and smush me and my dog.

Put me in a lovely mood.

Yes, half the people on the road ARE idiots and maniacs.

More classic Carlin : “the planet is fine, the people are fucked”

I can imagine his thoughts on this Ten Commandments issue taking place in another thread.

Something like “When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion.”

I remember one of my favorite Carlin jokes is when people brag about fucking a woman who is a 10, then he says “If I fuck 5 girls who are twos, is that like fucking a girl who is a 10?”

yeah that is funny but ive never called anyone a maniac. probably because im ususally the one doing a buck twenty.

“In the news today, police fired over the heads of a group of protestors killing 10 people on the second floor.”

my friend just said he stole a bong from this guys house, but from how he described it, it’s a penis pump.
he said he put his mouth to it, and it smelled funny

Neil that wasn’t very funny try again.

Ms. Vedder - I love how he works in praying to Joe Pesci to solve his problems. ah, thats classic.

and Casino was just on TV.

Carlin’s got his finger on the true pulse of this land.

“The very existence of flamethrowers proves that at some point in time, somebody thought to themselves ‘I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just too far away to get the job done.’”

Unless you’re Scrub. . .


Hahahah. Chris that was hilarious. :wink:

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
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The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where’s the self-help section? " She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
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I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
I’m in shape. Round is a shape.
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
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