first post and I will try and keep it reasonably short. It came to me earlier this week that I seem to have been in a crazy bubble where I have just realised I may be on a massive downward spiral.
Feb 2013 I was sacked wrongly (in my opinion) from my job in financial services. I lied on my cv but managed to pass my references somehow but then six months in me and fiancÃ©e split up and I got sacked for aggressive behaviour the very next day. I would all it a minor breakdown.
I took 4 weeks off work and stayed in my flat alone just watching films. I have always been good at getting sales/finance jobs and I got another one…better pay also. 2 months in Late October time I simply didnt get out of bed for two days and I was sacked after I wrote to my company saying I would no longer be working for them. This happened twice more with shorter gaps. what a 2013.
At the back end of the year following my break up I was taking at least 2 grams of MDMA a week and drinking most nights, as well as somehow exercising six days a week and surviving off little to know sleep.
This year, 5 months in I have had 5 jobs. and left them all. I recently moved in with my best friend. I have told no one, including him about any of this. literally not a soul. I cant. I have historically been a very hard worker and smart. I have managed to stop the drugs and drinking and cure my insomnia but now I cant get enough sleep. I dont like being awake.
I suffer from anxiety at least 2 or 3 times a week where I think my heart is about to give up on me and death is imminent. It normally passes but Its not nice. As I now live with my friend I now get up with him in the mornings, get in my suit but go and sit in a coffee shop/walk round parks and the city all day.
This would normally be for a short period but I have missed six interviews in the last two weeks where I have simply not gone into the building as I have got there on time. Just couldn’t face it.
I drink every saturday night with my friends and they have commented how on occasion I have seemed crazy with sustained periods of chronic irrelevant laughter and I know myself I have a tendency to shout and scream when drunk.
This seems like a ramble but I feel I have to write this down and hopefully someone will read it and know of advice if they have ever had a similar situation before. This is not a joke. And buy the way I am a young man, girls tend to be more honest hence the post on this site.