T Nation

7 Bartenders

Seven bartenders were asked if they could identify someone’s personality on what drinks were chosen.
Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results: IF WOMEN DRINK:
Drink : Beer.
Personality : Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.
Approach : Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink : Blender drinks with umbrella.
Personality : Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.
Approach : Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.
Drink : Mixed drinks - no umbrellas
Personality : Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants.
Approach : If she wants you, she’ll send YOU a drink.
Drink : Wine - (bottled not 4 litre cask)
Personality : Conservative and classy, sophisticated.
Approach : Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.
Drink : Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc
Personality : Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has absolutely no clue.
Approach : Make her feel smarter than she is…and you’re in.
Drink : Baileys. Personality : Annoying voice, bit of a tart.
Approach : Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.
Drink : Shorts (Vodka, Aftershock etc.).
Personality : Hanging with male pals or looking to get drunk…and naked.
Approach : Easiest hit in the pub. Nothing to do but wait.
IF MEN DRINK:
Cider : He’s probably under-aged and wants to get laid.
Cheap Domestic Beer : He’s poor / student and wants to get laid.
Premium Local Beer : He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Bitter : He’s old, he likes good beer and wants to get laid. Imported Beer : He likes expensive beer and wants to get laid
Guinness : The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.
Wine : He’s hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.
Vodka, Gin or Brandy : Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.
Port : Thinks he’s sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.
Whisky : He doesn’t give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.
Jack Daniels : Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.
Tequila : Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.
Bacardi Breezer, Smirnoff ice, Vodka mule, etc : He’s gay (Blatantly).

Very interesting, but I must diagree with the Guinness rapist though. I love Guinness and am not a rapist. Very nice post though.

I’m a big fan of vodka and tequila, as well as cheap ass beer. The descriptions sound about right after I have had about 20.

the guinness thing is accutally a misconception. Those particular bartenders obviously dont drink guinness and envy the other drinkers who do, because we get all the snatch.
Guinness for strength (and pussy)!!!

what about girls who drink olde E???

Girls who like 8-Ball are looking to be dry humped…

I take offense to the Guinness statement. I ain’t no rapist…now squeal like a pig, boy!

“Brilliant!”

that has been my experience exactly!

Re: Guinness, I don’t know how you guys can drink that shit.

Then again, I shouldn’t talk since I don’t know how people can drink most American beer

“Guinness? Oh, it tastes like coffee!”

P Dog greets me with a 40 and I start drinkin
And from the 8 ball my breath start stinkin