Feeling sad and depressed. Unmotivated. I don’t like what I see in the mirror, I’m starting to think that I’ll have to ask for coaching.
The worse part is that I’m not sure what’s wrong right now, although I guess it’s probably nutrition. I’m eating too much and I’m probably retaining too much water due to high sodium intake (this didn’t happen when I was vegan, it’s new for me).
Another cause may be a plateau, maybe I need to change something from my workouts…
Gah >:(
[quote]eressea wrote:
Feeling sad and depressed. Unmotivated. I don’t like what I see in the mirror, I’m starting to think that I’ll have to ask for coaching.
The worse part is that I’m not sure what’s wrong right now, although I guess it’s probably nutrition. I’m eating too much and I’m probably retaining too much water due to high sodium intake (this didn’t happen when I was vegan, it’s new for me).
Another cause may be a plateau, maybe I need to change something from my workouts…
Gah >:(
[/quote]
Sorry you’re having a rough time. Maybe getting a more objective opinion from a coach would be good. Consult with your doctor? Also, a lot of us really like the way we look when we’re all carb-depleted. People can get kind of hooked on wanting to see that look because our muscle definition shows more, so when we see normal fluctuations from water, we don’t like it. Maybe if you were severely restricting carbs and sodium, normal now feels “bloated?”
Also, I had assumed you were a beginner in your first year. Sorry to have misread that! Still, you might see some really nice gains now that you are eating more healthfully? I say focus on that.
Take care, you!
Eressea, I just stumbled onto your thread. Honestly I think you have a beautiful physique, all of it. It is clear that you have put lots of time and effort into the muscle growth that you have already achieved.
Personally, I had a small bout with image and eating disorder in high school for about 2 years which was truly and directly linked to societal pressures, i.e. media. Also, as school became more stressful, I also seemed to cope by adopting a few obsessions/compulsions, however not to a debilitating degree. I seem to remember reading long ago while in my college psychology and sociology classes a figure like 25% of women go through eating/image disorders at some point in their lives, and that anorexia and bulemia do not occur in non-westernized cultures. I also read in college that anorexia is linked to anxiety disorders.
Please don’t feel pressure to answer, this is something I am curious about in an academic sense. My questions to you are the following: do you think that your exposure to ballet contributed to and heightened your image disorder and subsequent anorexia to a dangerous level? We’re you pressured by others in this dance culture to fit an ideal, or was the pressure coming from yourself? Do you have other obsessions or compulsions that you battle with as well?
Also, learning how to love my body had everything to do with learning how to sculpt it and nurture it with exercise and good nutrition. I became addicted to the results, and so my love affair began with weightlifting and with myself. Keep doing what you’re doing, and love what you see in the mirror.
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Sorry you’re having a rough time. Maybe getting a more objective opinion from a coach would be good. Consult with your doctor? Also, a lot of us really like the way we look when we’re all carb-depleted. People can get kind of hooked on wanting to see that look because our muscle definition shows more, so when we see normal fluctuations from water, we don’t like it. Maybe if you were severely restricting carbs and sodium, normal now feels “bloated?”
Also, I had assumed you were a beginner in your first year. Sorry to have misread that! Still, you might see some really nice gains now that you are eating more healthfully? I say focus on that.
Take care, you!
[/quote]
I believe I’m actually more carb-depleted now than I was when being vegan, since to eat enough protein you need to eat something that is also high carb. I used to eat legumes once a day (no grains, no wheat flour). But, as regards sodium, practically nothing has sodium unless you add too much salt, which I didn’t. I’m not a sweet tooth, in general I’m sort of a savory person, I’d rather eat a salty snack than a candy. My weight remains unchanged in general terms, I will post some pictures soon so as to receive objective opinions (own opinions are always subjective :p)
Thank you for your support Puff, I really appreciate it! By the way, you can call me Lucy, that’s my name.
[quote]Cherrybomb wrote:
Eressea, I just stumbled onto your thread. Honestly I think you have a beautiful physique, all of it. It is clear that you have put lots of time and effort into the muscle growth that you have already achieved.
Personally, I had a small bout with image and eating disorder in high school for about 2 years which was truly and directly linked to societal pressures, i.e. media. Also, as school became more stressful, I also seemed to cope by adopting a few obsessions/compulsions, however not to a debilitating degree. I seem to remember reading long ago while in my college psychology and sociology classes a figure like 25% of women go through eating/image disorders at some point in their lives, and that anorexia and bulemia do not occur in non-westernized cultures. I also read in college that anorexia is linked to anxiety disorders.
Please don’t feel pressure to answer, this is something I am curious about in an academic sense. My questions to you are the following: do you think that your exposure to ballet contributed to and heightened your image disorder and subsequent anorexia to a dangerous level? We’re you pressured by others in this dance culture to fit an ideal, or was the pressure coming from yourself? Do you have other obsessions or compulsions that you battle with as well?
Also, learning how to love my body had everything to do with learning how to sculpt it and nurture it with exercise and good nutrition. I became addicted to the results, and so my love affair began with weightlifting and with myself. Keep doing what you’re doing, and love what you see in the mirror.[/quote]
Thank you for passing by, Cherrybomb. I’ll gladly answer your questions:
Contrary to most people, ballet has nothing to do with my anorexia nervosa. I became ill before I started to dance, I discovered ballet way too “old” to become a professional, when I became 17. I did 12 years of swimming and 3 of tae-kwon-do as a girl. In fact, during my first treatment, the only motivation I had to recover was to go back to dancing. Even when I was already healthy, they made me wait a bit due to the strong relationship there is between ballet and personal image, but It was thanks to ballet that I recovered and danced again.
The main reason why I caught Anorexia Nervosa was for my parent’s pressure, but not regarding ballet, it was due to study, I was best average throughout all the primary and high school. I’m still a very good student at University. They are those kind of overprotective parents, I love them, but my teens were pretty bad in that sense; every time I wanted to go out on a weekend I had to struggle. I was always depressed. I didn’t even have many friends anyways.
This is the reason why I moved out and now live with my boyfriend. We’ve been living together for the last year. I’m not depressed anymore and my relationship with them has improved a lot.
I’m not sure if I have other obsessions. My mother has a sort of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) with order and cleaning (and she doesn’t eat much by the way), but I don’t believe I have it. Personal image and clean-eating obsession is already overwhelming so as to have more obsessions 
Sorry if I extended myself so much. Thank you for your concern!
Monday:
Treadmill warm-up
Bicep curls + arnold presses 3 x 10 → increased weight
Lateral raises 3 x 12
Mountain climbers 3 x 50
One-arm kettlebell swings 3 x 15 each
Lateral pulldown (behind the neck) 3 x 12
Seated cable row 3 x 12
Smith machine shoulder press (behind the neck) 3 x 10
Hip thrusts 3 x 12 (holding 3 seconds at the top)
Split squats on step 3 x 12 each
Static V-holds
Kettlebell swings 3 x 15
Stationary bike cooldown
I really liked this workout because I had enough time to stretch properly and do everything I wanted to 
[quote]eressea wrote:
[quote]Powerpuff wrote:
Sorry you’re having a rough time. Maybe getting a more objective opinion from a coach would be good. Consult with your doctor? Also, a lot of us really like the way we look when we’re all carb-depleted. People can get kind of hooked on wanting to see that look because our muscle definition shows more, so when we see normal fluctuations from water, we don’t like it. Maybe if you were severely restricting carbs and sodium, normal now feels “bloated?”
Also, I had assumed you were a beginner in your first year. Sorry to have misread that! Still, you might see some really nice gains now that you are eating more healthfully? I say focus on that.
Take care, you!
[/quote]
I believe I’m actually more carb-depleted now than I was when being vegan, since to eat enough protein you need to eat something that is also high carb. I used to eat legumes once a day (no grains, no wheat flour). But, as regards sodium, practically nothing has sodium unless you add too much salt, which I didn’t. I’m not a sweet tooth, in general I’m sort of a savory person, I’d rather eat a salty snack than a candy. My weight remains unchanged in general terms, I will post some pictures soon so as to receive objective opinions (own opinions are always subjective :p)
Thank you for your support Puff, I really appreciate it! By the way, you can call me Lucy, that’s my name.
[/quote]
Oh, you’re very welcome, Lucy. If your scale weight is basically unchanged, then you know that you aren’t suddenly bloated or fatter. Happy to look at pictures, but since you’re doing some resistance training and your scale weight hasn’t come up - I wouldn’t give that a second thought. It’s very unlikely that you’ve somehow recomped in the opposite direction/ loosing muscle and adding fat. I think it’s likely a skewed body image thing.
BTW, the first year I started lifting, I let my scale weight come up about 10 pounds in a year’s time. That’s a very gradual surplus, but it really helped me get stronger and build a foundation of muscle. I was already a fairly lean runner, but didn’t look very athletic. Anyway, try to not be afraid of letting the scale inch up a bit. I don’t think I would have gotten anywhere if I hadn’t done that.
Many of the women who come here are already carrying extra weight, and so they want to loose scale weight but gain or keep muscle at the same time. That’s a whole more complicated issue, IMO. You’re in sort of the opposite position where you can just worry about building, knowing that if you were severely restricting calories before, you weren’t letting your body put on muscle like it is capable of doing. So, I’d say if you can let the scale inch up even a pound or two a month over the next few months - It will be a healthy thing. Your lifts will all go up a bit, and you’ll look more athletic and less fragile. Hopefully some of the weight gain will be in the form of bone density, which won’t show in the mirror at all. That’s a very real thing, and it will be great to try to treat your osteopenia so you’re less likely to get a stress fracture. Plus, you’ll be less likely to have a bad case of the flu put you back in the hospital.
Sorry this is so long, but I wanted to say this. Most of the men here can relate in some sense, unless they are a perma-bulking Powerlifter. Anybody who’s pushed their body to be leaner than it wants to be, is familiar with the desire to inhale 6 chocolate chip cookies, and chase that with a half a jar of Peanut Butter! A lot of people here have experimented with dieting, often in a not so smart way. And this hobby/ lifestyle can totally feed an obsession with food details and some binge eating.
A lot of the men here, who you and I would probably think have really attractive builds, are always unhappy with some body part they are trying to improve. It’s kind of the nature of focusing on aesthetics. On the positive side, this hobby can be very healthy, when it focuses on function and athleticism, and when it doesn’t create extremes with unhappiness, OCD or perfectionism over body image. Self-acceptance, talking to yourself with kindness, and gratitude for health is a battle for a lot of us I think.
About what some of the guys deal with, you might like this article from a blog called “The White Coat Fitness.” The article is called “The Road to Fit Causing ED A Personal Story.”
Later you!
Edited