Zoo Suicide

You’d hurt the animals needlessly so I’m not on board with this suicide method.

Your best bet against an elephant would be a 16lb sledgehammer, if you’re strong enough to control it.

You could smash its knees and then once it collapses you could crush its skull with a few swings.

Its hide is too thick to cut, and a baseball bat would have no effect.

A katana would take care of everything else, crocodile might require an axe.

[quote]blazindave wrote:
The chimp wasn’t even trying, and you KNOW IT.[/quote]

Oh really?

Not really that fair, he OBVIOUSLY could beat him running, thats where he made all his time.
If they had constant obstacles and hardly no distance between them then the chimp would have beaten him.
If they wanted a PROPER test, get a gorilla.
Good luck out pacing him or trying to out anything him, he would jump the monkey bars in ONE go :slight_smile:

I guess I’m a Humanist. Maybe the last one.

[quote]belligerent wrote:
You’d hurt the animals needlessly so I’m not on board with this suicide method.[/quote]

This is called “make believe” time! Like you imagining hooking up with a real live in the flesh woman. It will never happen, but is fun to think about! JK BTW.

[quote]belligerent wrote:
You’d hurt the animals needlessly so I’m not on board with this suicide method.[/quote]

Would you be on board if I let you jack off in the zoo parking lot first.

[quote]dk44 wrote:
Ok, If I ever get to the point where I feel I don’t want to go on living, I have always thought the best way to go out would be to sneak into a Zoo and fight as many animals as I can (way cooler than hanging or gunshot). I would take some weapons, but nothing to unfair (no guns), maybe a baseball bat, sword, or nunchucks. I would use a Mike Tyson’s Punch-out (regular Nintendo) approach and start with a “Glass Joe” type of opponent such as a Priaire Dog or maybe a Penguin. After I win a few easy ones, I would progressively move up to tougher foes.

The animals I really want to fight are

Ape
Boa
Croc
Tiger/Lion
Elephant

While I would be more than willing to fight any animal in the zoo, I just don’t want to hop right into the tiger cage tho, as I would like to notch a few victories. So I need a list of potential fights, along with the weapon I am allowed to use in each fight. Thanks a million. [/quote]

I can’t stop laughing! You should do stand-up! ROFLMAO!!

A Katana isn’t going to do a damned thing. It’s a slashing weapon, you swing it at a lion as it’s trying to pounce on you and maybe you cut off a paw, if you’re lucky. That’s just going to piss it off. Once the lion is on top of you the Katana is too long for you to stab with and you’re fucked.

This is an interesting strategy here:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/mmburugu.html

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
A Katana isn’t going to do a damned thing. It’s a slashing weapon, you swing it at a lion as it’s trying to pounce on you and maybe you cut off a paw, if you’re lucky. That’s just going to piss it off. Once the lion is on top of you the Katana is too long for you to stab with and you’re fucked.

This is an interesting strategy here:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/mmburugu.html

[/quote]

That’s bad ass! I hope he kept the tongue as a trophy or put it in a stew.

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
A Katana isn’t going to do a damned thing. It’s a slashing weapon, you swing it at a lion as it’s trying to pounce on you and maybe you cut off a paw, if you’re lucky. That’s just going to piss it off. Once the lion is on top of you the Katana is too long for you to stab with and you’re fucked.

This is an interesting strategy here:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/mmburugu.html

[/quote]

That is freaking awesome!!! Does it work on girlfriends?

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
A Katana isn’t going to do a damned thing. It’s a slashing weapon, you swing it at a lion as it’s trying to pounce on you and maybe you cut off a paw, if you’re lucky. That’s just going to piss it off. Once the lion is on top of you the Katana is too long for you to stab with and you’re fucked.

This is an interesting strategy here:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/mmburugu.html

[/quote]

Yeah you’re right.

A 4-8" stiletto knife would probably be best as far as blades go.

Have you heard of the guy in Alaska that killed a bear with a pocket knife?

[quote]LiftSmart wrote:
Uncle Gabby wrote:
A Katana isn’t going to do a damned thing. It’s a slashing weapon, you swing it at a lion as it’s trying to pounce on you and maybe you cut off a paw, if you’re lucky. That’s just going to piss it off. Once the lion is on top of you the Katana is too long for you to stab with and you’re fucked.

This is an interesting strategy here:
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/mmburugu.html

Yeah you’re right.

A 4-8" stiletto knife would probably be best as far as blades go.

Have you heard of the guy in Alaska that killed a bear with a pocket knife?[/quote]

This 68 year old man knocked a 750lb grizzly out with a left hook.

http://www.badassoftheweek.com/genemoe.html

DK, how about you fight that goat in your avatar? Freaky thing scares me, it might take you out in a fit of nibblin’.

I think if I was feeling suicidal, I’d bring some goats to the zoo & let them loose in the tiger/lion/cheetah pens. Pretty sure that would cheer me up & amuse the big cats, too.

I’ll go away now.

Shouldn’t the proper term be zooicide?

[quote]reneeweimer wrote:
DK, how about you fight that goat in your avatar? Freaky thing scares me, it might take you out in a fit of nibblin’.

I think if I was feeling suicidal, I’d bring some goats to the zoo & let them loose in the tiger/lion/cheetah pens. Pretty sure that would cheer me up & amuse the big cats, too.

I’ll go away now. [/quote]

You are seriously hurting my feelings. And again, what about that beautiful goat freaks you out?

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Shouldn’t the proper term be zooicide?[/quote]

Zing! :slight_smile:

[quote]NateOrade wrote:
Shouldn’t the proper term be zooicide?[/quote]

Fuck you, I so thought of that first but didn’t want to say it out loud.

[quote]dk44 wrote:
reneeweimer wrote:
DK, how about you fight that goat in your avatar? Freaky thing scares me, it might take you out in a fit of nibblin’.

I think if I was feeling suicidal, I’d bring some goats to the zoo & let them loose in the tiger/lion/cheetah pens. Pretty sure that would cheer me up & amuse the big cats, too.

I’ll go away now.

You are seriously hurting my feelings. And again, what about that beautiful goat freaks you out?[/quote]

I never said it was a rational fear! I have HUGE clown fear. Like way seriously. We had a dairy goat farm in Wisconsin for a year or so. I like goats. Yours happens to freak me out. But hey, guess what? I saw the OTHER goat in your profile, and WHOAA baby! This goat isn’t so scary now. I’m gonna avoid your profile like the plague.

Grins, and apologies ~ just quirky me. No big deal.

Back to the chaos and mayhem of the zooicide? I think you need to try a panther or leopard.

[quote]dk44 wrote:
NateOrade wrote:
Shouldn’t the proper term be zooicide?

Fuck you, I so thought of that first but didn’t want to say it out loud. [/quote]

Oh my God…YOU CAN TALK!