T Nation

Zombie Apocolypse


Since I realized I wasn't the only T-man who yearns to explore the final frontier, I thought a think-tank thread was in order.

By final frontier, I am of course referring to the Zombie Apocolypse.

Some questions to get things rolling:

  1. Would you prefer the fast, crazy zombies from the new Dawn of the Dead, or the slow stupid zombies from pretty much every other Zombie movie? I want the slow ones because I want to have fun slaying them, but let's be honest, I want to eliminate the possibility of them besting me in mortal combat.

  2. Zombie apocolypse or fossil-fuel apocolypse? Which trips your trigger? I've always been the post-nuclear holocaust genre fan, so I'll say both, Fossil-fuel Zombie Apocolypse.

  3. Guns, blades, clubs or bare hands? It's a personal choice really, but I think I'd ude all three. I could use a gun with a bayonet and be 3/4 of the way there.



Don't ask why I've looked this up.



Guns and Chainsaw.

I'd be like the dude from those movies that culminated in "Army of Darkness".

"...and THIS is my BOOMSTICK!!"


One thing I have noticed throughout my career fighting zombies. Even though they appear to be slow moving stupid creatures, They are really just very good at the game, Red light, green light. That is, when you are looking at them, they move very slow, but when you turn to run, they can move at amazing speeds. How else do you explain how you can run 3 x as fast as them but no matter what, you always get mobbed by 40 of them at once. This one zombie I swear I dusted him a few miles back and then in like 20 minutes there he was swarming me with a bunch of his undead retard friends, I mean come on, what did he catch a ride on a horse or something?

What I really hate is the Gooey Zombies, they make such a mess when you roundhouse kick them, plus they smell worse. My weapon of choice would probably be a huge ass sword, like a katana.



I use a combination of hydrogen peroxide pre-treatment and non-clorine bleach to get zombie goo stains out of my clothes. What do you all use?


An excellent choice, sir! My personal preference is for those with a bit more reach: a good claymore has some solid mass, a bit more reach, and maintains excellent balance. A solid choice for those bearing a little extra muscle mass, who want a weapon that makes use of their advantage.

It's all about the claymore and the dirt bikes. Sure, you've got more cover in a car... but you've got fewer options. Get a spare gas can or two, and that dirt bike will carry you anywhere with almost no terrain restrictions.

I defintely prefer the slow zombies. The other ones just bend my brain. I'd rather avoid the whole nuclear holocause thing, personally -- radiation poisoning sucks. The zombies would be hard enough to survive.


Shop smart. Shop S-mart! Ya got that!?


Being a baby boomer, I was raised on nuclear annihilation, so i favor the post nuclear apocalypse/mad max/zombie mode.
Scene: Muscleheads trapped in a old gym rig up oly bars and fourty fives to jerry rigged spinning cycles powered by a meathead using a rowing machine attachment to turn the wheels! Oly bars with sharpened ends proturding out the front to skewer zombie scum and fourty fivers attached to the sides as armor plating.

The brave muscleheads will be bashing skulls in with old weider barbells loaded on one side with five 10 pound plates! Hell Yeah! Fuck them zombies we got to get to vitamin world before the protein powder gets ransacked!


I have a decent Claymore I would put to use, and I would wear my battle-ax across my back, for those up close and personal type zombies. I think those fast zombies were a bunch of crap, because rotted muscle can't support that sort of movement. They would try to sprint and their leg would fall off.

I think Vegita is on the right track, because one time, I performed a spinning roundhouse leap kick, which put me like,pff, 2 miles away from the surviving zombies(they were sooo lucky), and then they jumped out of the back of a pick-up ahead of me in a few minutes. Damn cheaters.


Zombies are so over rated. I can wear through a pair of shoes in 7-8 months. Id imagine a zombie crossing uneven ground 24/7 would be wearing out their body pretty quick. Hole up for 6 months and you will be dealing with half rotted, crawling left overs. In which case you break out the golf clubs and practice your drive shots.

Its the people that you have to worry about. Street gangs become tribes, small pocket communities just as bad...

Now if we are talking chemically/bio weapon infected humans as in 28 days.... that seemed fun.


First and foremost, thanks for starting this great thread.

  1. I prefer to keep it realistic. The zombies would be as fast as the human bodies that they inhabit for the first few days (weeks) at least. Then the decompostion would start and they'd have to slow down.

  2. I concure with your fossil-fuel Zombie Apocolypse idea. But any ol' post apocolyptic setting would suffice.

  3. You know, as fun and as satisfying as hacking and slashing the living dead would be, I gotta keep it realistic. Zombies spread their disease by biting (bodily fluids) right? So, it's safe to assume that their blood would also spread the disease. Yes or no? If not then I once sall a combat 12g with bayonnet attatchment. Yea, that'd be my path to righteousness!

Man, I'm getting hyped just thinking about this!


Have you ever thought about how cool C-SPAN would be in the Zombie Apocalypse?


I could see something like 28 days or resident evil happening. Bad science project going horribly wrong. But as for the killing I have to agree with Soldierslim.

Hacking the shit out of those zombies with a Katana blade or cracking their skulls with a war-hammer would be fun as hell. But we have all seen it before people get cocky. Sure its not hard to take on a zombie or two with a katana but then MORE come, they always do. Then you have to act like a hero and go down fighting.

Hell no I ain't having that. You will see me riding around on a jeep with a 50 cal mounted on the roof. 2000 meter range and 550 bullets per minute. You can have a lot more fun with that piece of equipment. Then after you tear through the large crowd that was terrorizing the local mall you can get a little more up close and personal.

I would have to go with a tactical shotgun and a .357 as backup (afterall a zombie can take a whole bunch of shots to the body but they usually go down a whole lot easier with head shots) for the few that managed to escape the carnage.


I would prefer a good mix of fast and slow zombies. The slow ones would be fun to whack with a machetty or pick off with a rifle. It would also be cool to put slugs in the shotgun and see how many are penetrated through center mass with one shot.

The fast ones woud be fun to hit with double ot buck shot. Just going all nutty on as many as possible, as fast as possible, like a speed round.

For hand to hand,stump, or other loose appendage, I would want a machetty-24in. bade, hardened steel and sharp as hell.Might as well be titanium too, no sense in develping a repetative motion injury. In the other hand- maybe something like an abreviated pitchfork for blocking and skewering, a good setup for the chop.

Just for giggles- A high capacity chipper, like the ones designed to chip a good sized tree. I would remove the table and throat so that the feed rollers are exposed, then drive around in reverse spraying zombie chum out the chute. Maybe have someone with a dozer push them.
Yea, Thats the ticket!...


Well, I've gotta agree with what's been said here.

I'm a huge zombie fan and have spent way too much time considering/researching a Zombie Apocalypse.

Realistically, you want to keep it simple and avoid Zombies at ALL costs. In the event of combat, I would prefer a 12 gauge shotgun for sheer blasting power (and the pellets would make up for any lack of aim I may have in staring down a fucking WALKING CORPSE). Head shots all the way, baby (kill the brain, kill the ghoul).

For a back up weapon, a six shooter is most logical (for wheel guns are less likely to jam and more durable in general), and some kind of melee weapon (a small aluminum baseball bat would do the trick).

May sound like a lot to carry, but really its just a strapped lightweight bat, a pistol tucked into my pants, and a shotgun as my primary.

Again, though--avoid combat (especially close combat!!) with the zombies at all costs! You wouldn't go hacking up AIDS patients with a Katana if they went berserk--you'd avoid!

As for the marauding gangs (ala Humungus and his Homoerotic bikers in Road Warrior) that is a different issue. But the same tenet remains--avoid, keep moving, stay aware and work together!

-The Boomster