I was reading through the “I Ruined My Life” thread, and got to thinking: Let’s hear about some of your sloppy stories. Inebriation is preffered to help make the story hilarious, but not necessarily required. Can deal with drugs, women, alcohol, cops, gang rape, midgets, or anything else that the world has to offer. Just keep the stories non-fiction, please. Share up!
Here’s one: It was homecoming my senior year in high school. My buddy had decided to throw a huge party out at his grandparent’s house because they were out of town.
I procured myself a bottle of 151 and jetted off to the location after the game. Needless to say, I wanted to get DRUNK. I started hitting the 151 pretty quickly, and before I knew it (about a half-hour or so,), I was drunk off my ass. There was only one other person who was at my level at the point, and that was because I had shared some of my 151 with her.
Well anyway, I had a decent amount of cash on-hand (delivery driver at the time) and we were all playing ghetto craps. We played with speed-rules, so I kept winning the numbers, but was too slow and drunk to grab the money so I lost about $40 in that first of all.
Then, some folks pulled up who weren’t there before outside, and they were smoking a fatass blunt with some sort of bubonic shit inside. I threw them a couple dollars to smoke me out, and then it all hit the fan.
(Keep in mind this is back when I was HUGE.)
After smoking with everyone, I had attempted to walk back to the house where I fell on the porch outside. I couldn’t get up - not to save my damn life. It was less than 10 degrees outside, and I was only wearing shorts and a hoody. A bunch of my friends tried picking me up and getting my fatass back in to the house, but that’s definitely easier said than done when you’re 340 lbs.
Anyway, eventually I somehow crawled my way back in to the house. The door that I went in was the main one, the kitchen, where everyone was playing beerpong. So yeah, evetyone got to see me crawl in like a jackass.
Then, to make things even better, I ended up puking all over the fucking floor of the kitchen… right where I was laying. Someone grabbed some towels for me to clean up the puke with, which I did. Unfortunately, I then decided it was time to pass out, so I slept ALL NIGHT with my head resting nice on the puke-towels. Delicious vomit hair the next morning.
Anyway, I guess I was just a drunk-ass mess in everyone’s way all night. Apparently people were just playing beer pong around my body all night long - for like 6-7 hours haha. I found out later it had only been about 1-1.5 hours MAX that it took me to pass out.
Anyway, not my most exciting story, but let’s hear more!
