Q: Two gay guys are fucking and the building catches on fire, which one makes it out?
A: The one receiving, because he’s already got his shit packed.
No, I’m not a homo-phobe that’s just a funny ass joke.
What’s ET short for?
He’s only got little legs.
Makes more sense…
Two pretzels were walking down the street, one was assaulted.
What’s red and smells like blue paint?
Red paint.
What’s brown and sticky?
A twig.
What’s red and invisible?
No tomatoes.
Two sand particles were walking in the desert. All of a sudden one of them stop and says to the other: “Oh shit! We’re surrounded!”
Why will you never starve in the desert? Because of the sand which is there.
How many babies does it take to shingle a roof?
It depends on how thin you slice them.
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four…one to screw in the bulb and 3 to SUCK MY DICK.
This German girl’s getting raped by five guys, so she screams “Nein! Nein!” so they called up four friends.
What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson?
Neil Armstrong WALKS on the MOON…but Michael Jackson FUCKS little BOYS.
[quote]Nards wrote:
How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Four…one to screw in the bulb and 3 to SUCK MY DICK.
[/quote]
I always thought it was:
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Trick question, feminists can’t change anything.
^^ That works too!
Here’s a joke that I made into one of those cartoon videos a few months ago. Saves me typing it out!
^made me laugh
Lou Gehrig died of Lou Gehrig’s disease.
How’d he not see that coming?
A couple was having a problem with their marriage, so his wife decides that they should go see a marriage counselor.
The counselor could tell that the husband did not want to be there, so he says, “Ok, let’s just start off by talking about what you both have in common.”
The husband quickly looks towards his wife and says, “Well, first of all, neither of us sucks dick.”
Why can’t you fool an aborted fetus?
Because it wasn’t born yesterday.
Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets home from the battered woman’s clinic?
…The Goddamn dishes if she knows whats good for her
This man goes into his doctor’s office to have a check up to find out his regular doctor is on vacation and the doctor that is replacing his is a smoking hot blonde woman.
Preceding with the check up the doctor says “You’re going to have to stop masterbating”
“Why?” the man asks.
The doctor looks at him and says “Because I’m trying to give you a check up”
There was two cats, one named one, two, three. The other named un, deux, trois. They had a race across a lake. Who won?
One, two, three cat because un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq
Why does Beyonce sing, “to the left, to the left”?
Because black people have no rights
What’s the most popular chat-up line in a gay bar?
May I push your stool in.
What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing, you’ve already told her twice.
Darn, the “wonga” joke isn’t on there now, strangely… Here it is:
Three men become stranded on an island and are captured by the island’s natives. The chief of the tribe gives the men two choices: Wonga or Death.
The first man quickly chooses this Wonga business because he doesn’t want to die. The chief repeats “Wonga?” and the first man nods. Every member of the tribe rapes him and he limps off crying.
The second man, knowing what he’s in for, thinks long and hard. He decides he’d much rather be raped than die. The chief asks him Wonga or Death?. The second man says Wonga, which the chief repeats. Then the man is brutally raped and disappears into the jungle.
The third man decides that he will not be raped. He tells the chief death. The chief looks at him and asks “Death?”, to which the man nods. The chief then says "Death… BY WONGA!!!
I’M TOLD DAVID HASSELHOFF HAS SOLD MILLIONS IN GERMANY, BUT LIKE ALOT OF STORIES OUT OF GERMANY, THOSE NUMBERS ARE PROBABLY INFLATED IF NOT A COMPLETE HOAX"
-Gilbert Gottfried
Oedipus… What a motherfucker…