T Nation

Your Cinema/Movies Stories


#1

Ever sat next to that person who not only leaves their phone on, but when it rings, actually have a fucking conversation during the movie?

Or half way through Lord of the Rings, the fucking screen goes blank and all you hear is the sound for the next 5 minutes? And they don't even rewind the movie?

Or worse, sat in front of someone who apparently seems intent on jacking off during Shrek?

Share you cinema/film stories.


#2

Was watching Sin City with a buddy, my girl at the time and the chick he was seeing. Went the whole movie without a hitch and right before the final scene with Bruce Willis these 2 douchebags sitting a couple of rows in front of us shout "HE KILLS HIMSELF!!!". I got up to go punch them in the face [I mean seriously, who does that?] when an usher came in and shone his flashlight on me and my buddy. We said "dude, it was those two clowns" and he escorted them out of the theater. When we walked out the manager was waiting on us with 4 free passes for our troubles.


#3

I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other. I never felt so bad in my entire life.


#4

I went to see some random movie with a buddy of mine about ten years ago. I can't remember the name but we were really stoned and when we got there we started smoking some weed in the back row. After about ten minutes we realized that all we'd seen up to this point were a bunch of dudes making out with each other so we got up to leave.

As we were leaving some ass-pirate yelled at us "you guys going outside to make out?" I could have cared less but my buddy fucking flipped and went flying into the seats to get at this fucker. He grabbed him and absolutely destroyed this guy's face and as we started to run out and head toward the exit down by the screen, he tripped and cracked his rib on the last seat in the aisle. I had to practically drag his ass out of there before his group of buddies could get to us and call the cops.

A week later we got chased out of the same theater by the employees for smoking so much weed in the back row that it was clouding up the projector and distorting the view on the screen. We barely made it out in time because his ribs were taped up real tight and he wasn't too mobile.


#5

Did you do the truffle-shuffle afterward?


#6

Went to Cloverfield whenever it came out, got dragged.

Empty, tiny theater.

Two people in the back just going at it loud as hell for ages.


#7

This is funny and it didn't even happen to me:

My buddy was seeing "The Hunted", some Christopher Lambert (Highlander) movie where he's targeted by the Yakuza in Japan or something.

At one point the main character was getting attacked by ninjas or whatnot and he deflected a throwing star with a sword and some guy in the audience yelled "AW SHUT UP FUCK!" and walked out. That made me laugh.


#8

Another time I was at the theater (with the same dude who broke his rib) and we were out in the parking lot hotboxing my truck. We had parked way out toward the edge of the lot where there weren't any other cars. Some nancy security guard rolled up in a golf cart and starts knocking on my window. So I roll it down and blast this guy in the face with a huge cloud of smoke (we'd already smoked two blunts to our face without rolling the windows down).

This douche asks me if I could move my truck toward the area of the lot where everyone else was parked. I was so lit I didn't think to ask him why and just said sure and rolled up my window. Now I'm a little bit worried about this guy because I could see in his eyes that he was kinda shady and there were a lot of cops cruising the parking lot, which is why we were off toward the edge of it in the first place.

So I park in the middle of a full aisle of cars all the way on the opposite side of where this fucker rolled up on us. I open the door up to dump some ash out of my pipe before I bring it into the theater and who rolls past in his goddamn golf cart but this fag security guard again. He sees me and slams on the brakes and approaches the truck.

He says he's gonna call the cops over for smoking weed on the theater's premises if we don't turn our weed over to him and all this other bullshit and all I can do is laugh and ask him what "marryjuwanna" is. But my buddy gets a little squirrely when he threatens to call the cops over because he's got about 2.5 ounces on him, half of which is bagged up in 1/8's, clearly with intent to distribute.

So he pulls out one of the 1/8's and hands it to the guy before he can call the cops over (he's got his radio out in a threatening manner). He takes off and tells us not to do this shit anymore so we left the pipe and weed in my truck and each shoved three or four tallboys down our pants to sneak in instead.

As we're heading in (I'm walking funny because I can barely keep the beers from falling out of my belt and down my pants) the fucking security guard runs up to us. I thought he was going to hassle us about the beer now so I just turned and kept walking, ignoring him. But my buddy actually stopped and apparently the security douche gave him back the sack he had just confiscated, minus about 2 grams! My friend didn't realize there was any missing until we got into the theater; the guy just handed it to him real quickly and said sorry and bounced the fuck out.

So after the movie we went out into the parking lot and found that fucker smoking a joint in his golf cart exactly where we first parked! I got out of my truck, took my shirt off and wrapped it around the license plate so no one could see the rear plates/number, and we proceeded to beat the shit out of this fucking asshole with a goddamned fury I didn't think I was capable of. We got back into my truck, got the fuck out of there, stopped around the corner to get my shirt off the rear license plate and fucking bounced.


#9

NYC back in the day on the "Duece" you could see a double feature for 5 bucks. Seen Enter the Dragon and Conan on the same day. We went to Burger King and filled a backpack with cheese burgers. Went to the movies ate the burgers and the 5 of use watched a movie while getting buzzed from all the weed that was being smoked all over the place.

Now the funny part. A grown azz man drunk as hell tried to copy a Bruce Lee Move and was beat down by a 250lb woman with a beer bottle who was pissed he did a high kick in front of her while she was watching the movie


#10

LOL! I would have paid to see THAT.


#11

I hope they keep making Shrek movies, I jack off everytime I go to one


#12

I went to see that movie Hidalgo with this chick who was a "friend with benefits" and got 3 blowjobs during the movie. It was awesome... there were a lot of other people in the theater too


#13

when people complain that the floor is all sticky, thats when I say:

I JUST CAME.


#14

Either Hidalgo is the longest movie in history or you're the founding member of the Massachussets Minutemen....


#15

I saw avatar in 3D with my mom.


#16

I went to see Kick-Ass about a month after it came out during the afternoon with a Pootie Groupie. We sat in the front row with about 3 other couples in the theater. I told her to whip her tits out and leave em out for the entire movie she did. I actually got a pretty good handy during the flick too. Good times indeed.


#17

When I went to see hancock some douchebag pulled the fire alarm. It was 4th of July weekend and I had to sit outside with a everyone in the whole theatre. It sucked on two fronts the movie was just getting good it was the scent with will smith in jail playing basketball and he jumps out of the jail, and two I'm semi agrophobic(sp) I don't care for crowds too much.

The good part was we where given a free ticket to any movie we wanted and I used that to see Wall-E the following Sunday. I've since stopped going.to that theatre and prefer the deluxe cinema that opened in dedham ma I pay a little extra but they have premium seating and a waiter that comes and serves food and beer


#18

Someone once threw a show into my drink at a movie.... though it was later revealed to be someone I knew.


#19

hahahah its one of those 3 hour long drama movies... and I was 17 or 18 I think? but yeah they were like 5-10 minute blowies... then some popcorn and back to more blow jays


#20

I was once watching a film and then some douchebag was sick from the balcony and the vomit landed on me. Then I was sick on my girlfriend

I mean, who would do a thing like that? Does anyone know anyone who woud do a thing like that?