T Nation

You Know....That One Guy...


#1

From Dave Tate review of all the different "that guys"

How many of these are at your gym??

This is a list of some of the people I got back. See if your gym has some of these same people. Hopefully you fit one of the descriptions.

The Constant Talker: The guy who will not shut up.

The Bro:The guy who ALWAYS talks about drugs and the perfect cycle

The Flopper:The guy who can't commit to any one program

Gear Whore:The total gear whore (has to always have the new shit and never takes time to learn what he has)

Washed Up Meathead:The washed up beat to hell old dude.

The BS-LOW Squatter:The everyone squats high but me dude

The Professor:the guy who knows everything and will not take advice from anyone no matter how much bad he may be at something

The South Dosser:the guy who takes WAY LESS THAN ANYONE and would be able to out total (or whoever) if he would take as much

The over doer:the guy who trains his balls out, dick into the dirt every session, relentlessly

Half Tanker:guy who always has 50lb left in the tank

Total Rehab: the guy who is always overcoming an injury and never competes.

Weak debater: the argumentative guy who is always doing his own thing and inevitably is the weakest member of the gym.

The Close Talker:The guy who's breath will kill anyone. So bad you can't even be in a car with him. Always a "close talker".

Ms Awesome: The awesome girl who is a world class lifter that everyone wants to hook up with, and has some pussy of a husband/boyfriend who treats her like shit.

The Late Nighter: The drunk story guy- "Oh man I got wasted and banged these 2 skanks last night" Every weekend

The BiPolar Lifter: When they are doing well powerlifting is the best thing to ever happen to them and they are going to break every all time record. Then when they have one bad session, powerlifting is for fags. This of course lasts for several months.

The unnecessarily long setup guy: You know him, the kneewraps, the strap adjustments (several times), the belt adjustments, the perfect music, the yoga like breathing techniques, etc. This starts at 60% of his max, even on nights where he'll be working up to 100%

The "one time" guy: This guy is usually in his 50's or older. He has a story for EVERYTHING. These stories usually start with, "Oh yeah, one time". Also known as the Story for everything guy, or the One upper.

Creepy Bear: This is the guy who we think is a bear but don't really know. He spends most of his time walking around with ILS going from the bench to the weight rack as if he is looking for something .
He hardly trains and doesn't talk to any of the serious lifters, just eerily watches them and looks away real quick when we look at him. He is usually wearing logger boots and ripped jeans. He has been spotted posing in the bathroom. (Not that he should be)

The WSBB guy:... He's read every article, bought every t-shirt and feels compelled to argue with anyone who recommends any other protocol. He's even visited the gym. They didn't like him.

Right There Guy:. He's afraid to tell his training partners that they're squatting 4 inches high so every squat is "right there".

The "Badass" Covered in tattoos: listens to obscure death metal and scowls a lot. Went to an expensive private school.

The smelly guy: no need to explain. This guy pissed us all off.

What weight class should I go?" guy: Worries about weather he should go 220 instead of 242 so that his 500 squat is "more competitive".

The prohormone guy: Still claims to be natural.

I don't trust doctors guy: Takes shit that he bought out of the trunk of a 96 Civic in the parking lot of a Bally's.

The GPP guy: Pushes the prowler or drags the sled 6 times a week to work on his conditioning. He's 145 pounds.

No assistance work guy: Has his jacket on within 5 minutes of racking his last squat.

The "5/3/1 sucks" guy"... mortal enemy of the "5/3/1/ rules" guy.

The Spotter/Loader: the only reason he is there is to be an extra body to help with logistics

Drug Free Guy: the opposite of the guy who talks about drugs all the time....makes it a point to tell everyone how he is drug free as if it matters

Partial Guy: never does anything unless it is off blocks/pins, to a high box, or off 3+ boards.

Critic - no matter what exercise you are doing that day, they say you should be doing something different (typically whatever it was they did on Tuesday)....and you wear gear too often or don't wear gear enough....they seem to be very concerned with your programming.

Max Out: The guy who maxes out his squat, bench and dead every training session. He doesn't care that his technique is crap and that he always misses at the same weight. Is always seen shaking his head in disbelief and leaving the gym frustrated.

The First Timer: the guy that does his first meet and then wonâ??t shut up about the 100 pound PRs he will make on all his lifts for his second meet. Which Nationals he will do (again, second meet), which world records he is going to break (at second meet), and which world championship he will lift at (third meet).

Crusty:The master lifter that thinks heâ??s everyoneâ??s mentor and coach just because he had competed for 43 years.

DJ Max Out: the guy that has to switch the music all the time on put on a â??specialâ?? song for his sets.

Gear Blamer:the guy that always blames bad technique on his gear being too tight. This is the same guy that blames missing a weight on his gear being too loose. You see, itâ??s ALWAYS the gear, never the lifter.

The "I am unique" guy: - no matter how much experience, knowledge and the discoveries you dealt with through time. There is always a guy who when struggling is going through something noone can comprehend with.... I'm not talking about outside the gym, I'm talking about during exercises. Nothing you say is at all like what he/she feels. Everything he/she deals with is of a higher degree than what everyone else notices.

The BUT head: "I'm not arguing with you, but..." "I know you're right, but..." "I'm not disagreeing, but..." Lifted with us for 3 years and never put 5 lbs on his bench because that was his answer to everything.

The Programmer: The guy who loves to program, but doesn't know how to work to achieve it

The Flexer: That guy who read that you have to flex and pose to get ready for your next contest but missed the part about actually having some muscles to flex..... flexes and grimaces after every set and must be near or right in front of you. Sunglasses and cowboy hat optional... I'm not kidding.

The Leg Press Gang: We've all seen them: The gang usually a group of high school athletes who realized that you can pile a lot of weight onto a hip sled. Over time they morph into a swaggering, screaming group of 1000 lb leg press monsters. Screaming, high fives and a 2 inch range of motion. There is always an alpha dog advising the others on how to perfect their form and technique so that they can move the big iron like him. "Bro, How was my set?" It was great man, hardcore but you should stay at that weight - your form was breaking down on that last set."

The Trainer: The guy with 2 months in the gym who shows his "newbie" buddy how to lift with horrible form and way too much weight. 6 inch weight belt required. Note: This guy is not to be confused with The Personal Trainer - the PT has also only been a member for 2 months BUT he took the weekend certification course at the gym in order to dispense his shitty advice. Plus, he has a polo shirt and a clipboard.

Coach Dad: Coach Dad means well. He wants to support his kid but has no idea what he is doing. So, he leads his kid through a series of the oddest lifts you've ever seen. They don't squat because Coach Dad has never squatted and has bad knees. See you in the NFL.

The Motivator: The guy you've never spoken to who suddenly runs up when you're grinding out a tough rep who somehow gets in your face to scream motivational sayings to help you. How this guy hurdled all my shit on the floor, got past my training partners and somehow got between the squat racks and the wall in front of me I'll never know. Why he figured he was the guy I'd listen to I'll never know. Of course.... he's a spit talker.

The "What's The Gym Record Guy?": This is the guy that loads up every plate in the guy to do his " shrugs." He asks anyone in the area what the gym record is - despite the fact that nobody keeps records of anything let alone, shrugs. He literally hangs extra weights off the end of the bar with tape, belts or bands. He paces back and forth yelling "look at me, look at me." It comes out as "wwhooooooooooooo" over and over but it means "look at me." He slaps himself and then chalks up and straps in. He tugs mightily on the bar which , of course, never breaks free of the pins. To his credit, the bar does bend as he puts everything he's got into it. He releases the bar with a mighty breath, wipes his brow and says humbly to the crowd....... "it's heavy, but somebody's got to do it. You understand, you're a veteran." The day he told my training partner that "you understand, we bleed the same blood, I damn near died laughing."

The Ultimate Warrior: This guy is usually about 5 feet tall and weighs 140. He wears his big brother's wife beater to the gym. He invariably wears something with the worlds "TapOut" or "Two Men Enter, One Man Leaves" just to let you know what is up. Rather than go to the cardio room where there are mats and ROOM, he mean mugs the world as he works his way into a corner of the main gym floor so that he can begin his rope jumping..... personally, I make it my job to walk over to grab a weight as soon as the rope jumping starts just to be a dick. Now, he's worked up a good sweat. It's time for shadow boxing and knee thrusts. Time to put on the black hoody with some MMA logo on it, look around and then walk out of the gym taking care to step over his victims.

Nut Hugger Man: 55 years old - lime green biker shorts - no underwear. Always trains near the ladies......and by ladies I mean the young ones. There isn't much more to say.


#2

Wall of text, i got about 3 points down... then got bored. FML u must be bored.


#3

LOL sorry for the novel, I cracked up when I first read through it....I have many of these bros at my gym.


#4

Pretty concise list,

In my gym there's:

Partial Guy
Leg Press Gang
Coach Dad (which I hope I never become...)
The Trainer
The Ultimate Warrior

I'd probably notice more but I'm too busy being "The Badass" lol


#5

Partial rep guy, constant talker and the MMA shadow boxing guy are constants at our place.

The constant talker can even get through the strongest ipod headphone-fu.


#6

mr. Tate actually wrote that? Can't believe it.


#7

I'm the "One time..." guy...but not at the gym.


#8

I lol'd at a lot of these, nice stuff


#9

I'm 3 of those.

Not proud of it either.


#10

Plenty of washed up meatheads and constant talkers at my gym. One is famous for saying "I don't want to hold you up" while continuing to ramble on for 10 minutes.


#11

Yep it's in his log....


#12

I'm 5 of these... maybe more...


#13

Haha...

Care to share which 5?


#14

My gym is full of the little ultimate warrior types. They pace around with the same expression that the T-1000 wore in Terminator 2. Tiny fists clenched. Lats flared so hard they are literally constantly trembling. Always on the lookout for the transparent ninja warriors with whom they are locked in eternal battle.


#15

Haha they....are....EVERYWHERE.


#16

The Professor: I don't know everything but I know a lot... and I'm a bit of a workout snob.

Ms Awesome's distant cousin: Ms Decent

I don't trust Doctors. I just don't. They love cardio.

The Flexer: I like to flex. I'm constantly asking people if they got their tickets.

The Motivator: If I see someone struggling and working super hard I'll run over and yell in their face... I workout alone so I always appreciate motivation from my fellow gym rats.


#17

Same here.


#18

good stuff.
have a close talker, the loader combined with a right-there dude, the leg press gang and a couple of coach dads in my gym.


#19

HA!

Good stuff LL!