You Don't Know Sh*t About Boxing!

Bigger Stronger Leaner
1

Why are the HBO commentators so fucking bad?

I’m watching through all these old and even some recent fights, and I’m cringing constantly because of these dumb, bad calls made by these cocksuckers, and dont even get me started on how fucking irritating it is to listen to someone whose never stepped into a ring, probably not even the gym, argue with guys like Foreman or Jones on the technical aspects.

Lampley should get fuckin ram jammed for some of the calls he makes, if it was still the era of radio, you would be at home thinking someone was winning a fight by the way Lampley is screaming about shots that didn’t even fucking land.

Kellerman isn’t bad, and he seems to have a much more inherent respect for the fighters, but shit somebody please do a blow-by-blow on lampley and merchant and get back to me when they are TKO’d from the game of life.

2

Hahah the main reason I can’t stand sports is the commentators. Shut the fuck up already! And now they hire some dumb females to speak about fighting on TV…WTF. Get a female that fights a least. Needless to say now you are preaching to the Choir with me.

Thank go Joe Rogan knows squat, now if Goldman would get ran over by a train we would be in great shape for MMA.

3

[quote]Ranzo wrote:
Hahah the main reason I can’t stand sports is the commentators. Shut the fuck up already! And now they hire some dumb females to speak about fighting on TV…WTF. Get a female that fights a least. Needless to say now you are preaching to the Choir with me.

Thank go Joe Rogan knows squat, now if Goldman would get ran over by a train we would be in great shape for MMA.[/quote]

I haven’t watched boxing in years but I could not stand Larry Merchant when I did.

I will give Rogan props, he knows his shit. I think he is an Eddie Bravo worshiper. I used to like Frank Mir when he did the WEC fights. He needs to seriously think about that as a new career after his last few fights.

4

Rogan’s okay, Goldberg is fucking lampley 2.0 though

5

I saw a video of Mike Goldberg bloopers. I don’t know if the site I got it from can be referenced here, but he at one point says, “[insert fighter’s name] trains alone and is by the way single”, and other stuff.

6

First: I am feeling a bit like a hipster, because I hated Merchant by junior high. Really, piss on that guy.

I have to cut Jim Lampley a bit of slack though. While he has been doing the boxing gig long enough that his mistakes stand out, he is a polished broadcasting talent. That counts for a lot. He also does tennis and the Olympics.

Larry Merchant smells of vodka, fail, and AIDS. Also, every time someone defends him, a puppy gets cancer.

Just having at least one of the talking heads be “seasoned” enough to never stutter or say “um” and always look at the right camera brings a hell of a lot to a broadcast. Watch early UFC for a counter point. Bill Wallace, Kathy Long, Don Wilson, Jeff Blotnick all have/had a lot of combat sports experience, but the commentating was…not good. Tito Ortiz is very knowledgable and extremely accomplished, but putting him on a mic as talent should result in U.N. sanctions, interventionalist policies, and maybe a drone strike.

Larry Merchant is worse than Tito, because he is better at talking. That means more of his “thoughts” actually make it into sound. Sound that careens around the fucking planet endagering innocent ears.

Lampley can cover for less polished, but more knowledgeable “talent”, and he often does. I liked the commentating a lot when HBO had Lampley plus Stewert, Foreman, or even Lennix Lewis. Merchant is just plain bad though. The fact they put him in the ring with fighters is curious. He sucks at interviewing, and fighters (especially after a fight) tend to suck at being interviewed.

Larry Merchant’s “commentary” is in fact “anti-thought” in a form so dense it warps space time.
The WTF reaction to his words is not an actual thought. It is your mind being trapped in the event horizon of his blathering.

I do think the formula of proven, capable, TV “talent” plus an S.M.E. for the sport being watched is more workable and robust, especially when shit happens like riots, fan man, or power outages, than others. I would love to get kmcnyc’s take on this because he is way more closely involved in productions. For MMA I kind of liked Mir. I think Stann has potential. I think commenting is Sonnen’s calling.

In conclusion, Larry Merchant is why babies cry.

Regards,

Robert A

7

The UFC should be asking Bas Rutten how much he would like, and if they can get him a blowjob with that. Seriously, after Pride folded, he should have been snapped up within 5 min. Knowledgeable and entertaining.

8

Merchant, Lampley, Kellerman. It could be worse…

9

I always liked how Merchant would ask nonsensical questions to the fighters right after being punched for 45 min. - Do you think that your performance in the ring tonight was impaired by the recent events concerning the struggle of Latin Americans to overcome negative stereotypes in the media? The black fighter would look at him like he was crazy then ignore the question and thank god and his trainers.

10

[quote]Robert A wrote:
First: I am feeling a bit like a hipster, because I hated Merchant by junior high. Really, piss on that guy.

I have to cut Jim Lampley a bit of slack though. While he has been doing the boxing gig long enough that his mistakes stand out, he is a polished broadcasting talent. That counts for a lot. He also does tennis and the Olympics.

Larry Merchant smells of vodka, fail, and AIDS. Also, every time someone defends him, a puppy gets cancer.

Just having at least one of the talking heads be “seasoned” enough to never stutter or say “um” and always look at the right camera brings a hell of a lot to a broadcast. Watch early UFC for a counter point. Bill Wallace, Kathy Long, Don Wilson, Jeff Blotnick all have/had a lot of combat sports experience, but the commentating was…not good. Tito Ortiz is very knowledgable and extremely accomplished, but putting him on a mic as talent should result in U.N. sanctions, interventionalist policies, and maybe a drone strike.

Larry Merchant is worse than Tito, because he is better at talking. That means more of his “thoughts” actually make it into sound. Sound that careens around the fucking planet endagering innocent ears.

Lampley can cover for less polished, but more knowledgeable “talent”, and he often does. I liked the commentating a lot when HBO had Lampley plus Stewert, Foreman, or even Lennix Lewis. Merchant is just plain bad though. The fact they put him in the ring with fighters is curious. He sucks at interviewing, and fighters (especially after a fight) tend to suck at being interviewed.

Larry Merchant’s “commentary” is in fact “anti-thought” in a form so dense it warps space time.
The WTF reaction to his words is not an actual thought. It is your mind being trapped in the event horizon of his blathering.

I do think the formula of proven, capable, TV “talent” plus an S.M.E. for the sport being watched is more workable and robust, especially when shit happens like riots, fan man, or power outages, than others. I would love to get kmcnyc’s take on this because he is way more closely involved in productions. For MMA I kind of liked Mir. I think Stann has potential. I think commenting is Sonnen’s calling.

In conclusion, Larry Merchant is why babies cry.

Regards,

Robert A[/quote]

Massive, massive Lol’s. In short, this post is pretty much awesome incarnate

11

[quote]devildog_jim wrote:
The UFC should be asking Bas Rutten how much he would like, and if they can get him a blowjob with that. Seriously, after Pride folded, he should have been snapped up within 5 min. Knowledgeable and entertaining.[/quote]

I will never understand why that didn’t happen. Bas is easily, EASILY my favorite combat sports commentator. He is amazingly funny and extremely sharp on the fight analysis.