Back about 15 years ago when I was living on the west coast, I had a friend who was a recent immigrant to Canada and was driving a cab nights while going to school. One night he got the job of driving a group of guys up past Whistler, to a small town called Pemberton, which is way up in the mountains. He dropped the guys off at 11 pm at night and prepared for the trip back to Vancouver by smoking a joint. Less than an hour into the trip, he ran into heavy fog in the middle of no where, and then realized he was almost out of gas. The vehicle he was driving was like a mini van, and it had 2 gas tanks, so he figured he would pull over and try and figure out how to switch to the reserve tank.
He pulls over and gets out and sees a road sign that says “Danger: Avalanche Area”. Now this guy was not stupid, but he had no idea what an avalanche was.
He was pretty stoned and paranoid, so due to that he decided that an avalanche must be a wild animal and he was in the middle of it’s territory. He tried to figure out the gas issue, but starting freaking out about being in the wild alone with an avalanche.
Poor guy ended up staying in the van all night, freezing until morning when a car passed by. The reserve switch for the tank was right next to the hood release, inside the van, as the people passing by figured out in about 2 minutes.
I laughed at him for weeks.
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
WS4JB wrote:
Vince Vaughn bought me a beer on my 18th birthday.
This is FUCKING AWESOME!
Half because Vince Vaughn is awesome, and half because celebrities doing illegal things is always entertaining.[/quote]
Yeah, its a pretty sweet story, it was at a private block party up in Chicago.
I have a theory that everybody in Chicago gets to hang out with Vince Vaughn at some point though, my ex girlfriend shared an elevator with him when she went up like 2 months later.
[quote]Vicomte wrote:
My Father has spent many a long drive regaling me with tales of his exploits. They sound outlandish, but I never doubt their veracity. He’s just that kind of guy.
My Father was driving alone in the backwoods of Maine. It was a warm autumn night in the late seventies, and he was traveling light, with only a small bag and his cigarettes. His POS car broke down in the middle of a forest, and he was stuck on the side of the road in the wee hours of the morning, hoping someone would happen by to give him a ride. An even shittier car than his pulled up carrying two bona fide Maine Hillbillies, who acquiesced to helping him out. He tosses in his bag, and follows with is person. As they’re driving, blaring music and talking (he couldn’t understand a word they said), my father drops his lit cigarette into the seat. He tries to get it out, but can’t find it, so he decides the best plan of action is to wait it out and hope for the best.
A few minutes later, he feels the seat begin to grow hot. He wants to tell the yokels, but he’s still in the middle of nowhere and this is his only ride. They also don’t seem like the type to react to bad news well. So, again, he decides to wait it out, hoping they reach civilization before something bad happens. A few more minutes pass, and the car is beginning to fill with smoke. The guys don’t notice, because they’re absolutely shitfaced. My father rolls down his window to prevent asphyxiation, and prays they are almost out of the woods.
More minutes pass, and the car is now completely filled with smoke. My father opens his door, grabs his bag and dives out of the still-moving vehicle, rolls a few times, and looks up. the car continues speeding away as it bursts into flames and soon disappears form sight. He never saw them again. he checked the local papers the next week, but never heard about them, either.
[/quote]
This story sounds like an urban legend or ghost story. “The Hillbillies from Hell.”
At one time I had 2 jobs and about 4 hrs sleep between each, so I was easily irritated for awhile. Anyway one job was to deliver a newspaper between 12:00 AM and 04:00 AM. It was during the summer and I was downtown (Ottawa, Canada) I only had a sleeveless shirt on and jeans (obviously shoes) and went into a back alley with my car a Sprint.
At the end of the alley was a taxi blocking the road I flickered the lights (highbeam/lowbeam), he didn’t move, then honked my horn with the highbeams still on. I then saw on the passenger side (which faced my car) a gal raising her head up (yep). The guy (driver) yelled out “Fuck off!” I yelled back " I’ve got to get by, move it, you’re parked illegally!" He then got real angry I guess because I spoiled the mood and he then threatened to kick my ass.
I don’t know what came over me but for the lack of sleep I yelled out “I fucking had it and don’t care bring it mother fucker!” As I got out of the car and walked towards the car, the gal smiled at me. The guy got out of his car and told me to get back I basically told him something like “Negociating time is over let’s dance fucker!” Something I plagerized from a movie at the time.
Anyway I must have looked weird, lack of sleep gives people crazy eyes and I was pretty caffeined up and pumped, yes I was jacked back then. He got in his car and drove off. I think back and probably my car’s headlights shinning behind me gave the appearance I was bigger than I actually was…
Anyway about 2 min later on another street, same night a guy runs up to me and taps my window and asks if I wanted to buy a cam corder for $400.00 (back then a cheap cam corder was near a grand). I told him I had no cash and not interested, he said he would wait if I went to an ATM so I told him OK. Since I passed a cop earlier (who knew me by then from the deliveries every night) I found the cop and told him, he said he would follow me and if the guy was there they’d nab him. Cool.
We went and the guy was there with a box in his hands, the cop pulled up flashing lights and all and I drove away since he had my info anyway. Saw a truck speeding away shortly after and then another cop car chasing them (perhaps the truck had the cams? Don’t know).
When I got home my wife asked how was the run… told her nothing much as I didn’t want to scare her.
Mine’s pretty recent. I have a cousin who is just flat out insane. She cheats on her husband like mad. She blew his best friend from elementary school, she let two of his high school buddies run a train on her, and she blew one of his army buddies while he was on overnight CQ.
Oh, the best part is how she full on shacked up with some guy while he was in Iraq and his money was paying all the bills, and for them to go out and have fun…
The funny thing is, she forgets that she tells me all this stuff. Then she’ll call a couple months later and tell me she thinks he’s cheating on her and get all upset because she “would never do that to him!”
Phone conversations with her have always been awkward because I don’t want to get involved. That’s been my mantra when talking to her, “I’m sorry you feel bad, but I don’t want to get involved.”
So, recently she calls me up and asks me if I’ve ever slept with her husband. I laughed, I live 2000 miles away from them. I told her no. She said they’re going through a nasty divorce and he claimed that he had slept with one of her relatives. This was after she told the courts that he had been abusing their daughter. (She actually giggled when she told me that she made that one up.)
I finally let the bitch have it. I told her what a disgusting, evil person she was, and if every nasty thing she’d ever told me about him was true they deserved each other for both being scum bags. Then I hung up.
Next day I wake up to TWO voice mails. One from her screaming at me for fucking her husband. The other from him telling me that I was getting what I deserved for constantly meddling in their marriage and causing their divorce.
[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:
The other from him telling me that I was getting what I deserved for constantly meddling in their marriage and causing their divorce.
Fuck my Life.[/quote]
I’m sorry, but I just have to ask, exactly what are you ‘getting’? Having someone you don’t particularly seem to care for be angry with you?? Yeah, that oughta teach you [/sarcasm]
Also, this is the type of stuff that makes me paranoid - all these guys she’s cheating with are his “buddies?” I understand that that’s a fairly vague word which can range from the guy whose back you’d have no matter what to mere acquaintances or work-friends, but still … an elementary school friend?
I’d think that the sheer length of time they’d known each other - and by extension the experiences this “buddy” and the husband would’ve shared - would prevent the guy fooling around with the wife … apparently not. Unbelievable.
[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:
Mine’s pretty recent. I have a cousin who is just flat out insane. She cheats on her husband like mad. She blew his best friend from elementary school, she let two of his high school buddies run a train on her, and she blew one of his army buddies while he was on overnight CQ.
Oh, the best part is how she full on shacked up with some guy while he was in Iraq and his money was paying all the bills, and for them to go out and have fun…
The funny thing is, she forgets that she tells me all this stuff. Then she’ll call a couple months later and tell me she thinks he’s cheating on her and get all upset because she “would never do that to him!”
Phone conversations with her have always been awkward because I don’t want to get involved. That’s been my mantra when talking to her, “I’m sorry you feel bad, but I don’t want to get involved.”
So, recently she calls me up and asks me if I’ve ever slept with her husband. I laughed, I live 2000 miles away from them. I told her no. She said they’re going through a nasty divorce and he claimed that he had slept with one of her relatives. This was after she told the courts that he had been abusing their daughter. (She actually giggled when she told me that she made that one up.)
I finally let the bitch have it. I told her what a disgusting, evil person she was, and if every nasty thing she’d ever told me about him was true they deserved each other for both being scum bags. Then I hung up.
Next day I wake up to TWO voice mails. One from her screaming at me for fucking her husband. The other from him telling me that I was getting what I deserved for constantly meddling in their marriage and causing their divorce.
Fuck my Life.[/quote]
Shitbags like that just bring down the whole species.
The night started like usual,beer,tokes,chemicals.Someone suggests going to the lake.Off we go.Fast forward on the drive home(we had one car and one pick-up)someone is throwing empties out the back of the pick-up.Well one I guess hits some farmer going the other way and he’s non to happy.Lucky him he finds a O.P.P.(Police in the sticks in Canada).Well they catch up to us and pull us over and start to hassle us,next thing I see is this farmer scrapping with two of my buddies in the ditch,very funny,it was a blurr of overalls and ac/dc concert shirts.
While this is going on the crazy army boy of our group is getting into it with another cop.By this time reinforcments arrive and start to take our beer away and put it into their own trunks.Crazy army boy Steve is nose to nose with this cop and decides to crank this fucker right in beak,perfect shot,head snap,eyes roll,down goes frazier.
Hilarity and chaos rules by this time.While this happening my buddy Red calmly walks to the cop car with the beer,get’s the keys, opens the trunk and starts to reclaim our beer and put’s it back in our car.When the dust settles all the cops want us to to is just fuck off and go home,no charges whatsoever even after decking the cop.
But before we leave there’s a tap at the window.It’s one of the officers looking for his keys,so sorry never saw them say’s Red:)
We almost get home when a car goes flying past us and goes off the road and goes up the enbankment and comes to a stop.So we get out to help these people out of the car. Some are pretty banged up but no blood.But then my buddy notices this car has a nice stereo and rips it out and throws it up on the bank and procedes to help someone else out.
By this time theres an ambulance there so we go to leave but some fucker watching saw the stereo and took off with it.The nerve of some poeple.To this day my buddy still has those cop keys.One of many story’s I survived to tell.Cheers.
Fuck,this was supposed to go in the “I was so wasted one time” post.I hate it when I get distracted at work from the importent things like posting lol.
[quote]KBCThird wrote:
MarvelGirl wrote:
The other from him telling me that I was getting what I deserved for constantly meddling in their marriage and causing their divorce.
Fuck my Life.
I’m sorry, but I just have to ask, exactly what are you ‘getting’? Having someone you don’t particularly seem to care for be angry with you?? Yeah, that oughta teach you [/sarcasm]
[/quote]
It’s funny you should say that, I thought there would be some kind of fallout from the rest of the family, but there hasn’t been. Apparently, everyone else stopped speaking to her months ago and I was the only person left who would take her calls. They really did me a favor as now I don’t feel bad at all cutting her out of my life.
As for her husband, I always felt sorry for the guy, but now I’m pretty sure he’s just as much a lowlife as she is which is probably why his friends are the kind of shitbags who would just fuck his wife.
It’s an annoyance right now, but it’s all probably for the best in the end. I only talked to her because she was family anyways.
Back in highschool me and some buddies would always drink at the middle school we went to on the weekends. One weekend there were no girls and about 10 of us guys. We all end up getting drunk anyway when 2 girls start taking pictures of us from on top of a near by hill.
We call them down to see wtf they’re up to. They immediately start showing signs that they want to get boned (even tho these chicks were very, very discusting). We play along just for fun and before you know it the more discusting of the 2 offers to suck one of us off for a beer and a smoke.
Everyone of us immediately starts discussing which one of us will do it (we were discussing and making comments about how nasty she was right in front of her while she had a smoke).
I guess she got a little impatient because next thing you know shes on the grass with her pants off. “Oh dear, theres 3 fingers” she says while we start laughing. My friend throws a pop bottle towards her and says, “betcha can’t fit that in there”. Well sure enough the neck is in. “her tits look like rubix cubes” one of my buddies screams.
So not too long after one of us finally mans up. They go around the corner and come back about 5-10 mins later. As soon as the second guy goes around the corner he walks right back followed by about 5 cops.
Immediately everyone scrams. I was far too drunk to run along with 2 others. A few got away but the cops came back with about 3 more who were too slow. After some talk the cops let us go and put the girl in the back of the cop car. As we walk by the car she is furious with our laughter towards her. We all go home as she screams at us. What a FU*KED night.
[quote]ty45 wrote:
Back in highschool me and some buddies would always drink at the middle school we went to on the weekends. One weekend there were no girls and about 10 of us guys. We all end up getting drunk anyway when 2 girls start taking pictures of us from on top of a near by hill.
We call them down to see wtf they’re up to. They immediately start showing signs that they want to get boned (even tho these chicks were very, very discusting). We play along just for fun and before you know it the more discusting of the 2 offers to suck one of us off for a beer and a smoke.
Everyone of us immediately starts discussing which one of us will do it (we were discussing and making comments about how nasty she was right in front of her while she had a smoke).
I guess she got a little impatient because next thing you know shes on the grass with her pants off. “Oh dear, theres 3 fingers” she says while we start laughing. My friend throws a pop bottle towards her and says, “betcha can’t fit that in there”. Well sure enough the neck is in. “her tits look like rubix cubes” one of my buddies screams.
So not too long after one of us finally mans up. They go around the corner and come back about 5-10 mins later. As soon as the second guy goes around the corner he walks right back followed by about 5 cops.
Immediately everyone scrams. I was far too drunk to run along with 2 others. A few got away but the cops came back with about 3 more who were too slow. After some talk the cops let us go and put the girl in the back of the cop car. As we walk by the car she is furious with our laughter towards her. We all go home as she screams at us. What a FU*KED night.[/quote]
I work as a couseller and I am a psychology student I hear this kinda stuff all the time. But the thing that really blew my mind was a mother giving her son a head job by mistake.
I was 16 years old in the summer of '79 and riding my bike home from a friend’s house. It was almost dinner time and my mom would be expecting me. Along the way I stopped to say hi to 2 cute girls from my school, who were walking by the road. They told me their neighbors were out on vacation and the pool was available. They asked me if I’d like to come skinny dipping with them. My response: “Uh, no… I gotta get home for dinner.”
To this day I’m still kicking myself over that one.
I went swimming off the coast of the Bahamas and foolishly had my wallet in my back pocket. Well, it hit me pretty quick that I had no identification and was basically f’d. I was able to fly back to the states because I was on orders.
Long story short, three months later I get a package from the Bahamas and what do you know. My crusty ass wallet with all my ID cards and even 5 dollars shows up at my home. I guess a snorkeler found it and mailed it to the address on my driver’s license.
When I was 17, I was finally getting my first blowjob ever. Girl was fairly hot too, she had huge tits and I was all about tits back then. Anyways, she’s goin down on me and everythings great. I’m having the best time of my life, then something bad happens. My dinner is coming back at me… Chili. I’m lying there, clenching my ass has hard as I possibly could when out of nowhere… “ffffffrrrrrrrrt”
HOWEVER, I was in luck! The phone rang at the exact same time, which covered up some of the sound. I wasn’t all lucky though, she gives me this… look. She knew something happened, but not what exactly. So she goes to get the phone which was luckily out of the room when the smell hits me. It was brutal, and I’m sitting there laughing with a hardon still sticking out of my jeans.
I covered up and she comes back and asked me if I farted because she swore she heard it. I deny it completely and within 15min my dong is back in her mouth. I was like… Sweet I’m finally gonna get blown! No luck, she had a brother, who was pretty ‘slow’ or without being nice, he was retarded. We here him yelling to us and he comes in the room as we scramble to cover up quickly. He stays for a good 20min and she was no longer in the mood.
However, being the horny 17 year old that I was I persisted in finishing it off. Well, it didn’t happen untill a few hours later when we were in her washroom. So we finally got back into it and when I go towards the sink counter to lean on it I spot something. A massive log sitting in the toilet. I closed the seat as fast as possible as to not turn her off and she went at it again. All of 5 minutes into it, my Dad calls my cellphone. He’s outside, and I have to go home.
Took me another year untill I would finally get my first full bj.
Fuck my life, at the time.
[quote]MarvelGirl wrote:
Mine’s pretty recent. I have a cousin who is just flat out insane. She cheats on her husband like mad. She blew his best friend from elementary school, she let two of his high school buddies run a train on her, and she blew one of his army buddies while he was on overnight CQ.
Oh, the best part is how she full on shacked up with some guy while he was in Iraq and his money was paying all the bills, and for them to go out and have fun…
The funny thing is, she forgets that she tells me all this stuff. Then she’ll call a couple months later and tell me she thinks he’s cheating on her and get all upset because she “would never do that to him!”
Phone conversations with her have always been awkward because I don’t want to get involved. That’s been my mantra when talking to her, “I’m sorry you feel bad, but I don’t want to get involved.”
So, recently she calls me up and asks me if I’ve ever slept with her husband. I laughed, I live 2000 miles away from them. I told her no. She said they’re going through a nasty divorce and he claimed that he had slept with one of her relatives. This was after she told the courts that he had been abusing their daughter. (She actually giggled when she told me that she made that one up.)
I finally let the bitch have it. I told her what a disgusting, evil person she was, and if every nasty thing she’d ever told me about him was true they deserved each other for both being scum bags. Then I hung up.
Next day I wake up to TWO voice mails. One from her screaming at me for fucking her husband. The other from him telling me that I was getting what I deserved for constantly meddling in their marriage and causing their divorce.
Fuck my Life.[/quote]
Sorry hearing that. Wellm I have experienced a similar situation like yours in the past. Well what I learned was to ditch people like that and talk straight when they show the first signs of ‘unmoral piece of shit’ types. Like your ex-friend. Most of the times I come over as an asshole as a result, but damn its oh so bloody worth it. Saves a lot of hassle later on.