T Nation

You Are a Stinking Hypocrite.

Hello, friends! Lets take a minute to think about hypocrisy today, shall we? Hypocrisy means different things to different people, but for the most part we all consider it to be a bad thing right? After all, a hypocrite is someone who thinks one thing and says another, or who criticizes someone for an action of which they themselves are guilty, or who pretends to have higher morals than they really do. All of these are horrible, aren’t they?

Well, maybe.

Consider this: when you are sitting around with your friends, or typing in your favorite online message board, or chatting online, or sitting in a public restroom, how is your language?

Do you frequently catch yourself using words such as “Shit”, “Pussy”, “Goddamn Cornholer”, “Cockwhacking”, “Badger-Raper” or “Skull-Fuckalicious”? I know I do, constantly!

But if you are anything like me, then if your mother, grandmother, or children were within a half-mile of you then you would probably not use such language, would you? Doesn’t that qualify as hypocritical? Sure it does! But is it wrong? Hmm…makes you think, doesn’t it? It doesn’t??? Well screw you then, lets move on!

Here are some more examples from my own personal experience:

Everytime I see my pal/roomate Bob, I greet him with a friendly extended middle finger. Then we share some buddyriffic banter like this:

Me: “You know Bob, if you could stop being so damn gay for 10 minutes or so, we have some serious business to discuss!”
Bob: “Oh yeah? Like what, asslicker?”
Me: “…”
Bob: “…?”
Me: “Suck my dick.”
Bob: “Oh no, I’m not falling for that one again!”
Me: “I’ll give you a dollar!”
Bob: “Really? Sweet!”
Me: zzzzip!

See, we’re cool like that, but if my roomate was, oh, say… the Dalai Lama, our conversations would be more like this:

Me: “Your Holiness, what is the true path to Enlightenment?”
Dalai Lama: “Enlightenment is not a destination my son, but a journey. It is not to be reached, but to be experienced.”
Me: “And how may I experience it?”
Dalai Lama: “You must think the thought that is not thought.”
Me: “How long will it take, Holiness?”
Dalai Lama: “If you are worried about how long it will take to reach the goal, then you are on the wrong path.”
Me: “Is there a quicker way, teacher?”
Dalai Lama: “Yes.”
Me: “Can you show me?”
Dalai Lama: “…”
Me: “…?”
Dalai Lama: “Suck my dick.”
Me: sigh “Stupid Karma.”
Dalai Lama: zzzzip!

I never knew the Lama was into that stuff, but hey, if it’ll get me out of this vicious cycle of suffering, what else can I do, right? Anyway, you see the difference. Behaving differently in the presence of one person than you would in the presence of another person is a small form of hypocrisy, but wait ~ there’s more!

Can you think of some more instances of hypocrisy we see on a daily basis? Sure you can. Take, for example, this completely hypothetical situation:

Let’s say that there is this group of female vocal artists. Just for the sake of argument, let’s call them the “Cuntry Carpetlickers”. So, these singers are disatisfied with the emperor of their particular country, so while they are in a different country, they talk about how they are ashamed to be from the same state as their country’s leader.

No problem so far, right? They are just exercising their freedom of speech! The leader in question is unfazed by the comments, but some of the people in the country who believe the leader is doing a good job are offended by the girls’ comments, and they raise protests, and some radio stations refuse to play their music.

And perhaps these people also ‘boo’ loudly whenever the name of the Carpetlickers is mentioned at awards shows. Well, the singers become perturbed and criticize the people, and try fantastic stunts like appearing naked on magazine covers in order to try and salvage some of their fanbase.

See any hypocrisy there? Sure, but who is guilty, the people, or the Carpetlickers? Well, the people are exercising their freedoms by protesting the singers, smashing their albums, and burning them in effigy.

These are all things that you or I may do, regardless of any statements made by some airheaded singers. Then the artists are turning around and saying that the people have no right to treat them that way, so depending upon your particular perspective, one, both, or neither party may be guilty of hypocrisy. One thing we can all agree on is that the Dixie Chix suck Dix. Hypothetically.

So, we can see that hypocrisy, good or bad, can permeate all levels of our lives. But what about the Justice System? Isn’t it completely free from hypocrisy? Oh, you weak-minded simpleton! Of course it isn’t!

When a police officer can hit a man while speeding through a school zone and walk away without so much as a fine, even the blindest of ladies holding up scales will have to shed tears of fury! And when a rich man can cut off the head of his lover and her boyfriend, then walk away scott-free because he can afford to throw millions of dollars at a panel of lawyers who get him off by wiping their ass with a giant, gold-plated RACE card… Well, its enough to make me wish I was rich.

How about beings of Supreme Power? According to the precepts of the Christian faith, we were all created by a singular GOD, who loves us and gives us the things that we need in order to survive in this crap-filled wasteland of a planet.

This God is supposedly equivalent to LOVE, which would, in theory, make him a total hippy. But, if you don’t obey His every command, and do just as He desires, then He will go out of His way to make your (after)life completely miserable! Which, as coincidence would have it, also makes him like a two-faced, passive-aggressive hippy.

As you can see, the chain of hypocrisy continues unbroken from the lowliest public restroom to the immortal halls of Omnipotence. It is all around us and in some cases it serves a very important role in our lives. Do not shun Hypocrisy, for it is good for the soul, and it gives us something to bitch about. And in the end, isn’t that what really matters?

So remember kids, be a non-conformist. Everybody’s doing it.

Get some sleep, friend.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

The first half of your post was hilarious!

So I was sitting around smokin mad budz, thinkin about the dali lama and blow jobs…

Sorry, can’t do it.

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice

Where’s the picture of the bunny with a pancake on its head?

If we get more posts like this, I’m going to have to start getting high at work.

He has totally captivated this family of owl monkeys.

Quite brilliant.

http://images.t-nation.com/forum_images/2/7/2726f-I_Have_No_Idea_What_You’re_Talking_About.jpg

Here 'ya go, Doug!

Mufasa

[quote]malonetd wrote:
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice[/quote]

Right about here… “big hitter, the Lama” I start wetting myself, when I watch that movie. It’s just the way he slides that in there, hilarious.

[quote]malonetd wrote:
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice[/quote]

.

[quote]malonetd wrote:
So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I’m a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald… striking. So, I’m on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga… gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he’s gonna stiff me. And I say, “Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know.” And he says, “Oh, uh, there won’t be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness.” So I got that goin’ for me, which is nice[/quote]

Sh*t, previous post was the wrong pic. Here’s the right one.

WTF @ thread.

Don’t know if this was already posted or not… There’s a lot to read. >.>

[quote]Do you frequently catch yourself using words such as “Shit”, “Pussy”, “Goddamn Cornholer”, “Cockwhacking”, “Badger-Raper” or “Skull-Fuckalicious”? I know I do, constantly!

But if you are anything like me, then if your mother, grandmother, or children were within a half-mile of you then you would probably not use such language, would you? Doesn’t that qualify as hypocritical?[/quote]

No. It doesn’t. I could do it online and not do it offline without being a hypocrite simply by saying that it’s okay as long you don’t it around certain people.

Are you a hypocrite for sleeping with your wife and not with your mother? Not as long as you say that this certain action are acceptable with/around certain people.

If you say that sex is always bad, then you’re a hypocrite. If you say it’s only bad with certain people, then you’re not acting against your own words, which means you’re not being hypocritical.

I do co-CAINE! Guh guh guh YE-AH!

Are you a hypocrite for sleeping with your wife and not with your mother?

WOW!! so, you want to sleep with your mom?! your sick grew7.
Hmmm… just grew7inches myself now. nice.

nice rant.

Lol Metalocalypse <3

[quote]i.g. wrote:
Are you a hypocrite for sleeping with your wife and not with your mother?

WOW!! so, you want to sleep with your mom?! your sick grew7.
Hmmm… just grew7inches myself now. nice.

nice rant.

[/quote]

Oh shit, now my secret is out.