T Nation

WTF would you do?

Hey T-gang whats up? This past halloween my car was treated to a trick. Someone poured syrup on it and also smeared a bar of soap on the windows. While it was only a minor problem to get clean, I am still quite upset. I know who did it, I am 100 percent sure. It is not a hunch. They are also unaware of the fact that I know this. Unfortunately I am 18. I do not want to go to jail for assault, but I am thinking about roughing this person up a bit. I was curious as to what you fine folks would do if you were in my situation. I am really looking for some alternatives but I do not want to stoop to the level of messing with someones car. All flames, responses, and suggestions are appreciated.

When the person is not looking, use a slapstick or other method to quickly knock them out. Take them to a public restroom and leave them sitting on the side of the toilet with the flusher up their asshole.

I don’t know, F…it always seems like retaliation is a losing proposition…

Clean up the car…let the guys know you’re aware…and move on…you’re 18 with a full life in front of you…an assault charge just ain’t worth it…


So why did that person do that to your car? That might help us suggest some courses of action. However, revenge taken out of pure emotion will never help you in the long run. For now, be the better man, but remember the person who did this (I doubt you’d be able to forget anyway), and if a great opportunity ever arises to get him/her back later, take advantage of it. Don’t just lash out. I also believe that there would be better ways to get this person back without physically hurting them. That pain will only be temporary. It will also surprise them greatly if you take your time to take your revenge, as they will think that they got away with screwing with your car. And if you do anything which could land you in jail (I STRONGLY advise against that), do NOT get caught. Even a simple assault charge could screw up a lot of things for you.

Mind games work much better. Go to a book store, get the magazine subscription cards from all types of mags and sign him up.In a couple of months mail a change of address card to the post office for him.Place for sale ads in the paper with his phone #.Make sure he gets to take advantage of ever free offer you cand find,free vacation,time shares plans ,things like that.
This should keep him busy for a while.

No response is usually the best response at all. You stay out of trouble and the other guy never gets any satisfaction from seeing you get angry.

Whipping ttheir ass isn’t going to solve the problem and may start a domono effect although I can certaintly see why you would want to.If there is any way you can possibly get this person in your car without them knowing you know the dirty deed they did, tell them you want to ride around and drink some brew or another tale and take them about 20 miles away from home and find a reason for them to get out, preferrably near some woods and then ditch them. After leaving them there proceed to call the police and tell them you passed a man about a couple of miles back and he was flashing vehicles as they passed. Describe exactly what he was wearing.

Banging his girl would probably work.

I cut and pasted this from a previous thread. It was written by a sick individual named Jim Kubler. Do an author search on the forum for his name:

Re: Problems at work
Jim Kubler 2002-01-10 01:26:00
I worked in the corporate arena for a number of years and in that environment you need to either have a thick skin, or a thirst for cold hard revenge. From now on you must not consider this person to be a human being. He is now ‘your mark’. Befriend him, attempt to appeal to his sense of humor on a 1 on 1 basis. Allow him to believe you are his bitch and don?t mind it that way. Do your best to figure out his daily routine at work. Follow him home or find another way to discern his home address discretely. When you figure out his home address, drive past his house every night during the week (either very early in the morning or late at night) and discern which day his garbage is taken. Begin stealing his trash and searching it. Look for credit card, birth date, bank account and credit card #'s. I once found nude pictures of a mark and had 30 copies printed up with the their phone numbers (office and home) on them, which I discretely posted around the office, and on random cars in various parking lots. Take the information you get and shut off his electricity, phone, water, gas, and other utilities. There is a minimum of roughly $50 to turn these back on, plus the hassle. Cancel his and his roommates credit cards and have their bank accounts closed (you can tell some banks to send him a cashier’s check in the mail). Radio Shack as some high end voice sramblers which are typically made for women who don?t want unknown callers to know they live alone. They sound very realistic. Buy one. Before you cancel the credit cards, order up things to his house (and work), things that he might ‘like’, such as gay porn, Tony Little’s Gazelle, magazine subscriptions, Craft Matic Adjustable beds, and more! Then cancel the card a week later and inform them to send him the bill of the remaining balance. Slash the tires on his car, go to Home Depot and buy the “oops paint” (They sell gallons of mistakenly tinted paint and many desirable colors such as pink, pastel blue, brown…). Being a low class piece of white trash, I’m sure he has a really pretty car (and nothing else in life). Make it prettier. A Big Gulp size cup of Paint remover works wonders as well. When you eventually meet trusted friends in your area, have them call your work, more specifically his direct supervisor at all hours of the day asking for him. Make sure they’re very rude to whoever answers the phone. By very rude, I mean “Tell that little fuck that if I don’t get the money for the COKE I fronted him last week, I’m going to come in there and break his fucking legs BITCH!” (payphone) Buy a Playgirl and cut out the most graphic pictures and send it to the big boss "from? your mark. It would help to get a handwriting sample with his signature on it. Use tracing paper for the signature. Buy some pot, heroin, or other controlled substance and ups it to him. Make sure he is required to sign for it. Make sure you write on the outside of the package ?This week?s delivery?. Include a note on the inside stating that you weren?t able to meet him this week and that this was the only way to get it to him before the big sales this weekend. Make sure to divide up the drugs into several different Baggies. Coke is good because you can cut it down with baby powder and increase the weight. Even if there is tested to be 1/100th of a percent of coke ?vs- Baby powder, he will be charged with distrobution of the total weighed. Then call the police from a payphone and ask to speak with a narcotics detective. Inform him that he ?your former friend? has been a major supplier of cocaine in town for some time and he is expecting a package in the mail in a few days. Give the detective the tracking number. Make sure when you mail the package it?s from at least a 2 hour drive away and send it from a place without video cameras. Put the big boss?s name in the ?from? category. Here are the RULES. ALWAYS use payphones. ALWAYS use rubber gloves (dishwashing gloves work fine and come in large sizes). ALWAYS buy your materials at least two towns away. ALWAYS pay in cash. NEVER lick to seal an envelope. NEVER use your own handwriting, use block characters. NEVER tell anyone that you did this, not even friends until many MANY years later. Friends today can easily become enemies tomorrow. WHENEVER on field operations ALWAYS park at least a block away, wear some sort of disguise, and carry pepper spray. You now have the power to destroy your enemy. I suggest you practice with the little stuff and progress from there. Study books such as the Art of War (Sun Tzu), Book of Five Rings (Musashi) and On War (Clauswitz).

Holy fucking shit, man! I would have to be pretty pissed off at someone to go through all that trouble.

Yeah, Jim Kubler was a sick puppy. On the other hand, if you’re out for revenge…

I agree with Jason that it never pays to get angry. However, I guess I’m a little more vengeful than (or maybe just not as mature as) he is, 'cause I’d want to even the score if I were in your position. In this case, not giving the guy the satisfaction of seeing you angry loses its frustration appeal because he thinks that you don’t know he did it. So you have two choices. One, let the guy (and anyone else who might be a mutual friend) know that you know - then do nothing. This would be good for mental anguish, because at your age he probably won’t believe that there’s no payback coming. He’ll worry about it for weeks, if not longer.

The other way would be to act like you don’t know, and be sure to find a way to make friends with the guy. Act perfectly natural for at least six months. If you become friends an opportunity for revenge will present itself, guaranteed. After you take it, and the guy can’t believe that his “friend” screwed him like that, THEN you can tell him that you knew about the car incident, and that payback’s a motherfucker, huh? This will give you the most long-term satisfaction, and will make him very wary of messing around with you in the future.

Of course, after six months of hanging around together you might actually find that this guy is a pretty decent fellow, and that the car thing was just a one-time aberration. If it happens that you really become friends, then you might forget about the revenge thing altogether and make a new and productive relationship out of the whole thing. And wouldn’t that be a shame?


Dude, it was HALLOWEEN. You got the “trick” part of “trick or treat”, and you do not need to beat somebody up over this. It’s not like he busted out your windows. If you make a mess on this other dude’s car, wait until next year, when it is HALLOWEEN. If this was happening on some random day or repeatedly, then you might start thinking about a payback. In the meantime, take your car to the car wash, problem solved.

word, dont be like me and get pissed, and get arrested. Believe me it ant worth it my man!

I thank you all for your advice and input. I am going to wait a bit and cool off. I do not want any strong emotions to cloud my judgement. Thanks again.

It turns out that there is actually a science to revenge. It’s covered in game theory. You need to reply in kind, but at a precisely calculated 90% of the original intensity. The intelligent person will realize that 1) you know who did it, and 2) you COULD have gone a lot farther, but you purposely chose not to. Of course, the basic assumption is that people are rational, and we all know that just ain’t true.

Izzieable had the ticket. Get the subscription inserts from some strategically selected magazines such as Gay Times, Playgirl, and other magazines of the such and fill them out with homeboys address on them. Just picture him trying to explain that shit.

Get a Magazine subscription to a Gay Porn mag in his name but with his next door neighbors address. Get another with a equally distasteful mag for his other neighbor address with his name on it.

I seen this played out over a couple months where the guys neighbors shared the secret with the whole neighborhood. Everyone ignored him and stopped talking to him completely.

get a local swingers magazine. Collect all the info you can about your target, then start answering the ads in the back posing as the target. Be sure to include lots of info like where they work, etc. Try to have a pervert per day contact them for a month. Take care not to have this tracable. Make calls from a pay phone. Use a PC at your library for any letters. Wear gloves when handling any paper.
tell no one.