T Nation

Would You Survive a Horror Movie?

I was watching The Hills Have Eyes (2006) last night and realized pretty quickly that some people are bound to die in a situation like that… mainly dumbasses.

There was a constant emptying of their guns, blindly into the night and moments of pure stupidity… lets take a look, shall we?

  • Big Bob gives a gun to his son, whom I’m pretty sure was never taught how to use a gun proper

  • Big Bob shoots blindly into the night.

  • Big Bob doesn’t check the car (which he left open) as he gets in after being mocked in the night by a voice he’s not familiar with.

  • The kid, much like his dad (Big Bob) shoots blindly into the night

  • The kid runs off into the night by himself (leaving his sister to be mutant-raped)

  • The guy with glasses locks himself in the bathroom while his big ass german shepherd attacks one of the mutants, instead of promptly beating its brains in with the baseball bat he’s carrying.

… see all the human error?

So, that just leaves my question… Would you survive a horror movie?

Yes. I watched the whole thing, and I did survive it.

[quote]BodyByGame20 wrote:
I was watching The Hills Have Eyes (2006) last night and realized pretty quickly that some people are bound to die in a situation like that… mainly dumbasses.

There was a constant emptying of their guns, blindly into the night and moments of pure stupidity… lets take a look, shall we?

  • Big Bob gives a gun to his son, whom I’m pretty sure was never taught how to use a gun proper

  • Big Bob shoots blindly into the night.

  • Big Bob doesn’t check the car (which he left open) as he gets in after being mocked in the night by a voice he’s not familiar with.

  • The kid, much like his dad (Big Bob) shoots blindly into the night

  • The kid runs off into the night by himself (leaving his sister to be mutant-raped)

  • The guy with glasses locks himself in the bathroom while his big ass german shepherd attacks one of the mutants, instead of promptly beating its brains in with the baseball bat he’s carrying.

… see all the human error?

So, that just leaves my question… Would you survive a horror movie?[/quote]

Um, yea, DUH! These movies are more frustrating that scary, like the old Friday the 13th movies. People running and tripping, then scrabling so hard to get up they can’t, Seriously.

V

I love horror movies, and self defense and martial arts are also things I enjoy learning about, so in that context, these people ALWAYS make a shitload of mistakes.

One could attribute this to the fact that the movie needs to be scary, and also the fact that the average person, when placed under a tremendous amount of stress (especially from supernatural or…inbred beings) is going to freeze in their OODA loop over and over.

I’d like to think I would do much better in at least the majority of them against human attackers. I’ve always said that if I was getting hunted by the dude from Scream, he’d have a problem, because I’d be like Arnold in Predator painting my face, making exploding arrows, and setting up booby traps.

“If it bleeds, I can kill it.”

And in the horror movie victim’s defense- a lot of people freeze up when faced with a human attacker…if faced with something that’s of the supernatural variety, they can be expected to freak out completely. Don’t be so hard on’em.

I’m black. I’d die in the first 10 minutes.

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
And in the horror movie victim’s defense- a lot of people freeze up when faced with a human attacker…if faced with something that’s of the supernatural variety, they can be expected to freak out completely. Don’t be so hard on’em.[/quote]

I’d go all home alone on his ass, tripwire hooked to a bucket of marbles. 2x4 with nails in it to swing down on him. You know the match and hairspray flamethrower. Oh yea, I’d be getting my booby trap on.

V

But for realz

Against normal killers(Dude from Scream)

-I’d beat the shit out of him

Against supernaturals(Jason, Michael, Freddy, Pinhead)

-Trip the nearest white person and leave town

I honestly don’t know if Im the confident dude that wills his way to survival or the cocky dude that makes some boneheaded mistake and dies the most horriffic death of the flick. Either way I’m taking you fuckers with me.

EDIT: Wol, I’m too fast. You’d be trying to trip me yelling “Ah, hell naw!?!?” as I ran off.

I’d be the guy that dies in the beginning of the movie after boning the hot chick, then makes the mistake of taking a shower.

I’ve been a fighter most of my life and have common sense so I think I would survive most situations, UNLESS i’m in the shower. Your wet, the floors wet and soapy, in a confined space, and naked. For whatever reason I’ve always felt my most vulnerable in the shower, and never liked the thought of robbers or killers coming while I’m bathing, which is why I take 15 min showers and always lock the door. HAHA

[quote]WolBarret wrote:
I’m black. I’d die in the first 10 minutes.[/quote]

lolz…I wouldn’t want to wear a red shirt either(star trek)

I was thinking about this last night when I saw a movie where the person falls/trips with a pistol in their hand and of course the gun goes sliding across the floor. If I’m in that situation no fucking way is that gun gonna leave my grip, I got to believe the human instinct for survival will MAKE you grip that bastard even if it means gasp I’m gonna skin my knuckles.

I’ve always dreamed of being the star of a horror flick. I’d be the dude that ends horror movies in one 90 minute film. With Jason, I’d kill that motherfucker with a machete. Take his head off, as most people don’t seem capable of doing this.

With Michael, same.

Freddy, he would kill to get OUT of my damn dreams.

Pinhead… yeah…leave him for the white folk that keep messing with him.

Normal people, ie-Scream, like Wol, I would beat the piss-poor sadness out of them. Then take their head off. With my machete.

[quote]AndrewG909 wrote:
I’d be the guy that dies in the beginning of the movie after boning the hot chick, then makes the mistake of taking a shower.

I’ve been a fighter most of my life and have common sense so I think I would survive most situations, UNLESS i’m in the shower. Your wet, the floors wet and soapy, in a confined space, and naked. For whatever reason I’ve always felt my most vulnerable in the shower, and never liked the thought of robbers or killers coming while I’m bathing, which is why I take 15 min showers and always lock the door. HAHA

[/quote]

Fuck that. I’m going Ken Jeong on that bitch! Open my shower curtain if you want to! I’ll spidermonkey that bitch!! LOL!

“Night of the Demons” the most honest of all human reactions I have ever seen in any horror movie.

It was only by one character but it was what I thought I would do if demons came out of the walls and people started turning into demons…RUN.

It was funny at times because he didn’t even warn them a demon was coming at times he would be standing right next to someone talking he seen a demon coming there way and took off ahahahah No warning, nothing just teekow running like a track star.

Where would I fall here?

Would I be the villain? If so, could I last through the movie…I’m black.

[quote]WhiteFlash wrote:
I honestly don’t know if Im the confident dude that wills his way to survival or the cocky dude that makes some boneheaded mistake and dies the most horriffic death of the flick. Either way I’m taking you fuckers with me.

EDIT: Wol, I’m too fast. You’d be trying to trip me yelling “Ah, hell naw!?!?” as I ran off.[/quote]

White Man Fast = Black man slow

Black Man Fast = White man can’t keep up

I’d like to think I’d outsmart the sumbitchs. However, in the Hills Have Eyes scenario you’re just about screwed if you find yourself in that situation.

Me? I wouldn’t trust some old crusy toothless gas station clerk in the middle of nowhere about some old abandoned dirt fucking road to begin with. You have to think to yourself at one point: It’s an abandoned road. It’s abandoned for a fucking reason. I’ll stick to this road so I can get to San Deigo without being tied up to a tree and burned alive.

Honestly, Big Bob got what he deserved for putting his family in that situation and talking all that smack about being a true blooded American and wielding a big gun but not knowing how to fucking use it in the first place. The kid didn’t know better. He’s a kid. Scared shit less. He held his own in the end. So did the pansy liberal guy. He pwned them. So did the chick from Lost.

In the Scream scenario, you have the upper hand regardless if you’re being stalked. Yea you might get a little freaked out but you’d know your house better than the douche on the phone does. Go find your spot with a bat or a gun (depending on what kind of weapon you have) and wait for that fucker to stumble on you. Then kick the ever loving shit outta him or shoot his balls off. End of movie.

The Freddy’s and Jason’s and Pinheads of the world. Man, that’s a whole different scenario all together. With Jason, you can either trap him and kill him but he’s got that zombie retard stregth so I’d find a hole deep enough to trap him in where he can’t get out or have him walk through a pit of gasoline (you’re at a camp site … there’s gonna be gasoline in a portabel container. make a puddle and light that bitch UP man). Pin-Head, just dont’ fuck with him. period. Freddy. Man, come on. Dudes in YOUR dream. Fuck that frech-fried weiney up!!

[quote]four60 wrote:
“Night of the Demons” the most honest of all human reactions I have ever seen in any horror movie.

It was only by one character but it was what I thought I would do if demons came out of the walls and people started turning into demons…RUN.

It was funny at times because he didn’t even warn them a demon was coming at times he would be standing right next to someone talking he seen a demon coming there way and took off ahahahah No warning, nothing just teekow running like a track star.[/quote]

You and I are the only mother fuckers who have seen that movie.

“You won’t get me” jumps out of a window

Of course Vegita would survive. He walks around with a broadsword strapped to his back on a day to day basis.

Me? I’d like to think I’d survive. I sure as hell wouldn’t fall down running away, Zombies look easy to kill and I wake up from scary dreams.

It’d depend on whether the writer wanted my character to die or not.