T Nation

Workout for Hulk-Type-of-Shoulders Girl?


#21

I’ve blasted you in the past with hard ass responses. I am a former anorexic or as some would say, in recovery. So, I hate to see you killing yourself.

In my circumstances, anorexia was a full-on assault on all battlefields…my cognitive, neural, physical, emotional and social. It was so ALL encompassing, nasty and seductive. Fighting anorexia is not a neat war…in front of opposing sides like cancer! I totally am empathetic that when you are losing you feel you are winning, and when you are winning you feel as if you are losing…

Plz listen to these posts. You really need to self-reflect and pick up that fork that may weigh more than a gazillion lb kettleball. However, if you don’t get help, you could have SERIOUS consequences! Plz don’t perceive as if I am a know it all or a bitch. You need help…bottom line!


#22

Gonna have to echo this, and what I’ve said probably over 20 times.

@itsallaboutfat Anything, that anyone says to you on this site, is something you’re going to twist and bend to pacify your mental illness or ignore to whatever extent.

To be honest I’d prefer if no one gave you training advice, simply because they’re giving it to someone who’s clearly anorexic or bulimic.

Nothing is going to get through anyways, or you’ll sit all the advice we’ve given you on a metaphorical counter for it to collect dust, as you have been doing.

If it isn’t blatantly obvious, me and girlgotguns, have been through this shit already. There’s no rationalizing this.

Every reply you’ve given, you’ve either stated how you’re pretty much afraid to even eat basic vegetables, or you’re steady picking yourself apart and putting yourself down. I’m getting more and more convinced you have the funds to help yourself. You just won’t. Which I understand, but it’s getting under my skin that I suspect you’re doing this for some sort of comfort, or validation. Not in the sense of what others do concerning crappy training, but in the sense that you’re willing to go online, and dance around the fact that you’re sick.


#23

you would be wrong on this.

I’m a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. When I was in my early 20’s, I went to rehab, and I went to Alcoholics Anonymous meetings at least 5 times per week. This is where I learned the phrase, ‘accept the things we cannot change, have the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.’ I have many, many short comings. I’m far from perfect. We all are. I’m not as strong as I want to be, I’m not as fast. And I know that I may not ever reach my goals. And that’s fine with me. I want more, but I have limits as to what I will do to achieve those goals. I will never sacrifice certain things for personal gain. I’ll never sacrifice my family time to train. I won’t put my body through the drug use that some other competitors are willing to. I have drawn lines for myself. And my point in the first place, was that you would be well served to draw lines too. Figure out when enough is enough. Some people chase their goals with ‘whatever it takes’. I stop short of that, because sometimes, whatever it takes is too much of a price to pay.


#24

You’re being vague, which in your situation comes across as evasive.

As far as I remember you were taking 4+ SSRIs/anti-psychotics concurrently, have you changed this? if so how specifically?

By how many grams per day have you increased your fat intake?


#25

FOR EVERYBODY WHO TRIED TO CONVIENCE ME IM ANOREXIC. look! lool at that belly. how’s it even possible? in the morning it can be flat and entire day it’s like forkin’ Alien inside :cry: :sob:
i eat tons of chicken, egg whites, even more then 2 egg yolks. but man, i’m bald. like almost ready to take that razor and play britney meltdawn…


#26

you are so amazing
i wish i’d knew you in real life… or have a friend like you close by…
we don’t have any anonymous meetings, and this is so hard. i feel like i’ve lived through a mental cancer - same cosequences.
i loose my hair. i can’t look at the mirror. and 1,5 year ago i modeled for hair commercial… mesotherapy wasn’t helpful. and now i’m really into shaving or moving to US just to hide from everyone i know. because i destroyed myself. just because of one stupid boyfriend, because of stupid comments, because of my stupid head actually…
is there any point in this entire situation where i start see the reason to recover? to live.


#27

We aren’t trying to convince you of shit.

When you say shit like this, you’re indirectly voicing it yourself.

Bloating. There are instances where very malnourished people look bloated. You’re still very underweight. Bloat or not.


#28

Here’s my too long of a post reply :
I was very body image obsessed in my late teens and started to believe i had to have a perfect body in order to be worthy of a man.
I ended up getting pregnant at 19. I was tiny and my baby was almost 9lbs. I got horribly damaged abdominal muscles and despite eveyone telling me I would “bounce back” my abs never went back together .
I was always uncomfortable . I spent every waking moment obsessing over my disgusting stomach. I began obsessive, excessive cardio so I could justify feeling comfortable while I ate. I ran marathons to mask a disorder .

I then got into powerlifting to try and once again feel as though I was allowed to be comfortable eating because I was “doing it for the sport” . I used powerlifting to mask a disorder .

I decided to cut to an extreme and got to a very low body fat level. I lost my period for years and my sex drive, and was completely fucked up hormonally and mentally. I would binge eat pounds of vegetables because I was starving and I stopped being able to go out in public at night because my vegetable binge made my already protruding stomach look like 2nd trimester .
I was still uncomfortable eating despite having a very low body fat.

I wasn’t uncomfortable because my stomach stuck out I was uncomfortable because I had a disordered mind that distorted reality.
I looked fine then
I look find now
But a mind clouded with a chemical imbalance will not see the truth .
The comfort you are seeking will not be obtained by a flat stomach, but rather from ridding yourself from the demons that live within your mind.


#29

Ty for sharing something so personal and relevant. I hate to say it, but she’s not ready and honestly we are the lucky ones. We see the clarity.

Unfortunately my heart is still having problems none of this due to my anorexia, but I may have to have a pacemaker/defibrillator combo put in. I’ll know at the beginning of next month. Sleeping, eating, keeping stress low, and moderate exercise and fun are what I’m focusing my energy on.


#30

You can’t drink from an empty cup! Take care of yourself first


#31

oh God… really? i’m so sorry… you have a real problem compare to me. i’m sorry, really. i hope you will make it, and easily without any pacemaker/etc stuff.
you were so helpful to me all the time, i want to be useful back. if you have any stressful thoughts and just don’t want to bother the closest one people with it (as can i say you’re really mentally powerful women), i will be glad to share email or whatsapp so you can use me as your diary and text me all your troubles :slightly_smiling_face: :angel:


#32

Appreciate the gesture, but you need to worry about yourself. Yes, I’m quite nervous but what can I do? Enjoy my life. You should try the same. Let go of the control and eat, and I’ll let go and let my drs and body decide.


#33

Hope everything gets better.

I used to pop Ehpedrine tablets like skittles, and I had some arrhythmias going on for what felt like a pretty long time.

Round about almost 3-4 years I’ve been lifting and now only occasionally do I get a flutter here and there.


#34

I have long qts. So, it makes it so I can’t even take a Benadryl without having problems. It’s a very difficult situation. Hubby’s new insurance starts at the beginning of the month. Until then I’m taking it easy. Thnx for caring :hugs:


#35

This reminds me of another story from my life.

I was married for 5 years. A little over 2 years ago, my wife (who is now ex wife), told me I was no longer attractive to her, and that was why she was not affectionate towards me anymore. I grew up having a lot of self confidence issues, but in my 20’s, I had learned to be more confident. But then, in one instant, this one comment from one person shattered what I had built over a decade of trying to love myself. I felt like shit.

Since then, I’ve learned to love myself again, but it was hard. Words of others hurt, especially when they come from people we care about. But you have to keep moving forward, and you have to realize that the other person was wrong about you. You’re clearly a beautiful woman. No question about that.

If you’re on instagram, you can follow me at Tiptonstrong. and we can talk more. Hoping the best for you, keep your head up!


#36

I understand how you feel because my hubby called me repulsive and disgusting which cut to the bone. Edit (when I was anorexic) He was making it worse. I’m sorry that people have trials in life! We each have our own and must battle within ourselves…a silent battle that is so draining and emotional. If we really want to live life, we have to do it on those terms. But we can either ask for help to get better or DIG deep inside and find that strength to move forward. I love to be in control, but everything really is out of my control other than loving and respecting myself and others.


#37

Sorry, I’ve been on vacation. I meant to respond to your reply.

I’m not sure where you read about these vegetables here at TN, or in what context, but there are men who come here who have orthorexia and body image issues themselves.

AND there are 200 lb men who are trying to temporarily get very lean for a contest. What they do to deplete carbs, manipulate water, or get very lean for a period of a few days has ZERO, and I mean ZERO application to you. If they knew that a 90 lb woman was listening in to their conversations about carb depleting and manipulating water and such, they’d be SHOCKED, and they’d all tell you to please take care of your health and that you’re too thin.

Honestly, those conversations can be dangerous to you. Stay away from threads like that, and also stay away from images of very thin women or those proana sites where other eating disordered people criticize women’s bodies, praise unhealthy thin ideals, and reinforce their illness.

I’ve seen this before where people obsessed with food, or who want to be UBER lean will get fixated, try to adapt contest prep strategies as long term habits, based on what body builders or figure and bikini competitors might do for a few days. That’s very dangerous.

The leaner you are, the more simply eating lunch, or drinking a drink, or needing to pee are going to make your belly round forward a bit.

Fluctuations in how your belly rounds forward is normal. Your waist should swell a bit during the day, and there’s no way to eliminate this if you’re eating and drinking water. It’s simple anatomy and it’s not a problem.

You were 91 pounds in your last thread, and you’re now 100 lbs at 5’5"? Is that correct? If so, congratulations on the progress. Keep going. Looking at the recent picture of your hips and upper thighs, you’re still incredibly thin and frail, by any standard.

I don’t know what your doctor has advised is a healthy weight, but reaching that goal is your first priority.

You have not yet accepted the fact that your perceptions are not accurate. As @Spock81 and others mentioned, your mental picture of yourself is very broken.

Regardless of what a previous boyfriend said to you, you’ve now become the tyrant for yourself. You think you know best, are holding yourself to an impossible ideal, as if you’ll be happy or be worthy of love once you reach it. I know it’s an obsessive compulsive behavior, and even if you recognize that it’s irrational, you’re doing to have to work, work, work, to let it go and move forward. Our minds want to keep circling things, and disrupting these obsessions usually takes therapy. You’re going to need help from a physician and therapist since you can’t trust your own perceptions right now.

BTW, I recently had this conversation with Brute. Thinking you know best is a twisted form of pride. Being discouraged is not humility. It’s being mad or sad that you can’t reach your impossible and unhealthy goal. You need to get really humble, and accept that you need to trust a doctor and therapist to know what is best for your health.

Sincerely, keep gaining weight. Let us know when you’ve been able to put on another 5 pounds. I’m guessing that at 5’5", you need to be at least 110-115 to get out of dangerous territory for your heart, bones, metabolism, hormones. That means that when you were at 90 pounds you’re likely 20-25 pounds underweight. Depending on your bone structure, you may need to be closer to 125 just to get to a good healthy place.

Wishing you the best.

Puff

Edited for clarity.


#38

Wow, I must’ve been in a fog…you as my diary. Hun, I’ve reached deep within and found peace. You need to focus on yourself. That eating disorder will always be with me and I hate it…that I can’t erase those psychotic days, but I know that I can only move forward. I’ve been a bitch in the past because I felt I had to be in control of everything because I really had control of nothing BUT what I spend my energy on. I’m sick of running from myself. I had lost myself and am rediscovering what makes me laugh, smile and love. I don’t want to chase that perfect number on a scale. I just want you to know you can face your disorder and either lose it all or gain a healthy life that can bring you happiness and joy. The ball is in your court.


#39

Thnx for your broad spectrum approach it was very insightful. I see posts and threads in a new perspective. Hope you had a good vacation!


#40

Thank you. And I appreciated your posts. You have a lot of experience here, and you’re just doing so beautifully. I think it’s very hopeful.

@Spock81 and @planetcybertron, and @flipcollar, it was very nice of you all to share personal things here. I always like people more when I know about the things they struggle with, see their humanity. I admire people who overcome things.

Have a nice summer!

Puff