Women, why so difficult?

If you aint married, forget it. If you really want to show her, if you have family with an infant, see if you two can baby sit from say Thursday night until Monday early AM.

WTF??? I’m 23 and cant even think about even gettin married right now. SHITTT, you all gotta figure yourselves out before you jump into marriage and kids, or you all are gonna be findin yourselves divorced a month later.

Dude, I don’t know what part of the country you live in, but if you can, tune into Tom Leykis- he’ll set you straight. To me, it sounds like your girlfriend is trying to map every detail of her future out exactly as she would ideally like it to be. In reality, however, some thinngs must wait if you hope to accomplish others. Tell her to relax. If the two of you do get married- and go to law school- and start new careers- and have kids… what I’m trying to say is, sure, set high standards for yourself, but relax a little and have a good time. You only live once- and one last thing- If you are aprox 21 or 22, why are you planning on getting married? If your girl is pressing the issue, which I bet she is, take a step back and remember that there is no need to rush into getting married. And tune into Tom Leykis!

Well, my wife and I got married when we were 32. Had our first child at 35 and our last at 41. In between were two miscarriages. Our last was a set of twins; one died in utero and the other almost did not make it and this was in the middle of graduate school (clinincal psyche for her). Now don’t freak out at all of this, because my brother got married at 22, had his first at 23 who was born with a birth defect (blind), had his second at 25 (normal-what ever the hell that really is), and then got divorced at 28.
The real issue is communications. It does not matter when the kid thing or marriage happens. What matters is the communications. Talk to her and find out what the hell is going on. Explore all the options–you’re in college–use your brain and do research–the last time I was there that was one of the things I spent a lot of time doing…a triple bachelors: philosophy, east asian studies and economics.
Find out about your options, become an options trader, your a t magger, use the brain. It is what seperates us from the bfl, weider groups.

But, bottom line, communicate…

I’m a lawyer married to a lawyer, and we have three kids, so I guess that qualifies me to give advice here. My wife had one baby during law school and two later – all before the age of 30.

First of all, don’t think that going to law school is the key to happiness and success – it’s not. Most lawyers that I know would love to do something else, but they don’t know how and they don’t want to take a pay cut, so they just keep on being miserable. The hours are ridiculous (60-80 hours a week), and most young lawyers are let go before it’s time for partnership decisions to be made.

Before you put off having kids, just remember that you’ll be paying for college later in life – like maybe when you’d prefer to be retired. I will be paying college tuition until I’m 60, maybe longer, if my kids go to grad school. (My wife’s a lot younger than I am.) Then I’m going to have to work for about another 10 years just to get in position to retire.

My wife worked as an editor at a legal publishing company instead of practicing law - six years ago, we decided that the extra money wasn’t worth the stress, and she quit to become a fulltime soccer mom. It was the right solution for us, but everyone gets to make their own choices on these things.

High stress double professional marriages are really difficult. Both partners are really, really busy. It’s hard on the couple and it’s hard on the kids. So think it through before you two try to have it all. A lot of people discover that when they get it all, “it” wasn’t what they really wanted, after all.

I am 34 and Patricias 36, i don’t think there is anything wrong with having kids later in life. My dad was 58 when I was born, and I have a younger brother and sister (not that I want to wait that long). And I intend to be in good shape at 50 (we are t-men right?) so i will be able to play ball with my kid.

Hmm, interesting thread! It’s been said that if you wait til you’re really ready to have children, you never will (same with marriage!). My wife & I are starting now - we want 3 or 4 kids, we’re 28, and that biological clock ticks loudly.

It’s a cruel myth that families and women can have it all: high-powered careers and families. I think your gf there must choose between making the top of the lawyer ladder in a shorter time (delaying or eliminating children) or slowing down or taking a break from it for a while. With 40+ years of working ahead of her, I firmly believe there is room for both the career & kids, but just not at the same time. (substitute father for mother in your head as you read that - I’m not trying to be sexist). Heck, you can trade off after a few years.

Raising your children by day care ($500+/week where I live, per kid), after school activities, and ‘quality time’ (1/2 hour in the evenings) because both parents have full time jobs is a shitty thing to do unless finances absolutely leave you with no choice. For a fair amount of the married middle class and for pretty much everyone above that, it’s a choice you & your partner can make.

My parents were 34 when I was born. No complaints here, they were responsible adults and decent role models growing up. Maybe there was a bit of a generation gap, but that seems normal enough.