T Nation

Women & Money - Confused

Hey Y’all,

I’ve been seeing the same girl for the past 9 months. We moved in together about 4 months ago.

I do somewhat decent but am by no means well off. I have a middle of the road job (maybe just a little above middle of the road) and was finally able to buy a house recently (I’m 29). Anyways, the other night my GF had her friend and friend’s new BF over for two nights. This guy is f’in loaded. Has a Lambo and makes over 1m/year… I can’t even comprehend that kinda dough.

We were out at Sushi for dinner and my GF’s friend was talking about how she gets pretty much everything paid for by this guy (he’s 40 btw and she is 21). My GF then blurts out, “Ya, I have to pay rent.” I shrugged it off at the moment but started thinking about it the past few days (this dinner was on Saturday night). I mentioned it to her today and said that it upset me. She apologized.

I’m confused on what to do here. I’m thinking about just breaking it off. I’m posting this to get opinions from other guys who have been in similar situations. If you have never been in a similar situation please just read.

Thx guys

[quote]markdp wrote:
he’s 40 btw and she is 21[/quote]

sounds like they have a very healthy relationship. not shallow at all

[quote]markdp wrote:
…She apologized…
[/quote]

Seems to me like she understood where you were coming from and was big enough to appologize for it. Sometimes we can envy what other people have, doesn’t mean we are 100% interested in that sort of stuff. No need to break anything off here imo.

you told her it hurt your feelings, and she apologised. Surely the matter is now closed? Ruminating won’t do you any favours.

[quote]markdp wrote:
I mentioned it to her today and said that it upset me. She apologized.
[/quote]

So?

Where is the problem?

You’re thinking of breaking it off because you feel insecure?

Your girlfriend apologized to you… you realize how important that is right? She actually cares. She’s living with you. She’s actually paying rent (which also shows she cares.)

If she’s actually trying to find some loaded guy to leave you for, that’s one thing to be concerned about. But that doesn’t sound like what’s going on. Sounds like she’s just happy for her friend and vicariously enjoying the idea of a childhood prince charming.

Honestly, I’d just take the way you feel right now, and put it toward bettering yourself and your life with her. If there’s changes you’ve been wanting to make, but haven’t had the courage/energy/motivation to, use this energy and put it toward that.

[quote]Aggv wrote:

[quote]markdp wrote:
he’s 40 btw and she is 21[/quote]

sounds like they have a very healthy relationship. not shallow at all[/quote]

I really want to agree with you, but I’ve actually seen healthy relationships like this.

Simple. Put it in her butt.

[quote]LoRez wrote:
You’re thinking of breaking it off because you feel insecure?

Your girlfriend apologized to you… you realize how important that is right? She actually cares. She’s living with you. She’s actually paying rent (which also shows she cares.)

If she’s actually trying to find some loaded guy to leave you for, that’s one thing to be concerned about. But that doesn’t sound like what’s going on. Sounds like she’s just happy for her friend and vicariously enjoying the idea of a childhood prince charming.

Honestly, I’d just take the way you feel right now, and put it toward bettering yourself and your life with her. If there’s changes you’ve been wanting to make, but haven’t had the courage/energy/motivation to, use this energy and put it toward that.[/quote]

I know that this all probably says a lot more about me than it does about her. I guess I thought that she would understand how saying something like that might be a bit emasculating. And I know I am being insecure; maybe this is all just me being upset about that lol.

[quote]markdp wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
You’re thinking of breaking it off because you feel insecure?

Your girlfriend apologized to you… you realize how important that is right? She actually cares. She’s living with you. She’s actually paying rent (which also shows she cares.)

If she’s actually trying to find some loaded guy to leave you for, that’s one thing to be concerned about. But that doesn’t sound like what’s going on. Sounds like she’s just happy for her friend and vicariously enjoying the idea of a childhood prince charming.

Honestly, I’d just take the way you feel right now, and put it toward bettering yourself and your life with her. If there’s changes you’ve been wanting to make, but haven’t had the courage/energy/motivation to, use this energy and put it toward that.[/quote]

I know that this all probably says a lot more about me than it does about her. I guess I thought that she would understand how saying something like that might be a bit emasculating. And I know I am being insecure; maybe this is all just me being upset about that lol.
[/quote]

CAUTION GENERALIZATION UP AHEAD

Women aren’t that great at knowing what’s emasculating, almost by definition of the word! She now knows that this particular comment hurt you (although it could have even been said in jest). Don’t feel insecure man. The other dude might have millions of dollars to offer his girlfriend but there are more than enough things you can offer your girl without having to spend a dime.

If women were only in it for the money, they would marry a vault. (This may be the worst analogy i’ve ever come up with…)

[quote]setto222 wrote:

[quote]markdp wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
You’re thinking of breaking it off because you feel insecure?

Your girlfriend apologized to you… you realize how important that is right? She actually cares. She’s living with you. She’s actually paying rent (which also shows she cares.)

If she’s actually trying to find some loaded guy to leave you for, that’s one thing to be concerned about. But that doesn’t sound like what’s going on. Sounds like she’s just happy for her friend and vicariously enjoying the idea of a childhood prince charming.

Honestly, I’d just take the way you feel right now, and put it toward bettering yourself and your life with her. If there’s changes you’ve been wanting to make, but haven’t had the courage/energy/motivation to, use this energy and put it toward that.[/quote]

I know that this all probably says a lot more about me than it does about her. I guess I thought that she would understand how saying something like that might be a bit emasculating. And I know I am being insecure; maybe this is all just me being upset about that lol.
[/quote]

CAUTION GENERALIZATION UP AHEAD

Women aren’t that great at knowing what’s emasculating, almost by definition of the word! She now knows that this particular comment hurt you (although it could have even been said in jest). Don’t feel insecure man. The other dude might have millions of dollars to offer his girlfriend but there are more than enough things you can offer your girl without having to spend a dime.

If women were only in it for the money, they would marry a vault. (This may be the worst analogy i’ve ever come up with…)[/quote]

I have nothing to add. This was a good post.

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]Aggv wrote:

[quote]markdp wrote:
he’s 40 btw and she is 21[/quote]

sounds like they have a very healthy relationship. not shallow at all[/quote]

I really want to agree with you, but I’ve actually seen healthy relationships like this.[/quote]

It’s possible, however based on the OP’s story about her bragging about not paying for anything, and the old rich guy driving a lambo (cant get much more flashy attention whore a car than that, especially if it’s in some neon color) it just sounds very shallow to me.

Question tho: if she just wants some rich dude to buy her stuff, and he just wants a hot piece of ass for arm candy; is it not a healthy relationship?

I’d rather have the girl who is willing to help with bills, and big enough to apologize.

[quote]Aggv wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]Aggv wrote:

[quote]markdp wrote:
he’s 40 btw and she is 21[/quote]

sounds like they have a very healthy relationship. not shallow at all[/quote]

I really want to agree with you, but I’ve actually seen healthy relationships like this.[/quote]

It’s possible, however based on the OP’s story about her bragging about not paying for anything, and the old rich guy driving a lambo (cant get much more flashy attention whore a car than that, especially if it’s in some neon color) it just sounds very shallow to me.

Question tho: if she just wants some rich dude to buy her stuff, and he just wants a hot piece of ass for arm candy; is it not a healthy relationship?

I’d rather have the girl who is willing to help with bills, and big enough to apologize. [/quote]

Ya, but you are not pulling one mill a year.

“getting help paying the bills” is probably not his first priority.

Nor his second.

Well, tell her that it was emasculating and the only way she can make up for it is to make a sammich and a blow job.

Seriously, she’s fine. She had a brief “shit I wish my BF was rich” moment. Well, the other girl had a brief “I wish my BF wasn’t 40 and took Viagra” moment that weekend, too.

Everybody is not as good as somebody at something and vice versa.

(For example, I have offended the moderator gods somehow and have to be approved before posting. Annoying as fuck because I am not sure what I did. Probably posted tits, but I can’t remember.)

I guess it is also just hard to contemplate making that kinda money. The strange thing is they stayed at our place for two nights; the first night they didn’t even have their own bed and slept on pads. When I saw the picture of his Lambo on his cell phone the next morning at Starbucks I almost shit my pants.

[quote]markdp wrote:
I guess it is also just hard to contemplate making that kinda money. The strange thing is they stayed at our place for two nights; the first night they didn’t even have their own bed and slept on pads. When I saw the picture of his Lambo on his cell phone the next morning at Starbucks I almost shit my pants.[/quote]

Ah, so he is not defined by his money.

WHich would mean she does not bang him for it either.

Or he is lying.

[quote]Aggv wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]Aggv wrote:

[quote]markdp wrote:
he’s 40 btw and she is 21[/quote]

sounds like they have a very healthy relationship. not shallow at all[/quote]

I really want to agree with you, but I’ve actually seen healthy relationships like this.[/quote]

It’s possible, however based on the OP’s story about her bragging about not paying for anything, and the old rich guy driving a lambo (cant get much more flashy attention whore a car than that, especially if it’s in some neon color) it just sounds very shallow to me.

Question tho: if she just wants some rich dude to buy her stuff, and he just wants a hot piece of ass for arm candy; is it not a healthy relationship?

I’d rather have the girl who is willing to help with bills, and big enough to apologize. [/quote]

Heh, I guess I don’t think of a 40yo as an old guy.

My take on “healthy relationships” has changed over time. At this point, as long as both people are happy with their own lives, whether they get that through the relationship or not, and that they’re both on the same page as far as what they expect to get through the relationship, that seems pretty healthy.

Whereas if either person is relying on the other for their own happiness (there’s a difference between “he makes me happy” and “I can’t be happy without him”), or if one wants more out of the relationship than the other, then I’d say that’s unhealthy. I think a lot is just trust, empathy, and good communication. You can have that even in a “shallow” relationship. If all he really wants is arm candy, and all she really wants is money, and they’re both clear on that, I’d say that’s still healthy. It’s just not something I’d want.

You want to “call it off” because she hurt your feelings?

Holy fuk. Grow some.

Being 40, dating a 21 year old and having a lambo tells me a whoooooooole lot about that dude.

Sounds like someone needs to go to India for a few weeks to see what life is really like.

Well, you got some work to do if just an off the cuff comment like that made you upset. And you tipped your hand to your GF by actually TELLING her that she was able to upset you. She now KNOWS that you are an insecure person. You might as well break it off with her now.

Predictions: She will now TEST YOU to see how deep the fault lines of your insecurity are. She will challenge your sexual prowess or size or compare you to someone else SUBTLY, and watch for your reaction. Given your level of insecurity (that you would actually break up with someone for a remark), you will fail the test and further kill any attraction that she has for you. She may drag it on a while, because she seems like a nice girl who cares about you. But she’ll move out in six months or so after you continue to kill the attraction with your rampant insecurity. Or she’ll tag you as a beta and want to settle down and marry you.

You need to fix this. (meaning your insecurity, not the relationship - that damage is already done)

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]Aggv wrote:

[quote]markdp wrote:
he’s 40 btw and she is 21[/quote]

sounds like they have a very healthy relationship. not shallow at all[/quote]

I really want to agree with you, but I’ve actually seen healthy relationships like this.[/quote]
He buys her shit, she has sex with him. Youth for money, seems a ok to me.