T Nation

Wiping Ass

I’m with Vegita on this one. I use mostly flushable wipes. Always at home. Only toilet paper when I have to. It just don’t clean the spot. Then you got to wipe 50 times just to get as much as you can. Toilet paper…bad way to clean up.

ok, i wipe sitting down and towards my sack, my mate wipes away from the sack…also, one thing in this fkn country is that your toilets dont have a powerful flush, in oz you can flush a car down the toilet and it wont clog, here you spit in the shitter and the fkn thing overflows and clogs and you have shit all over the place…i should go into business selling plungers then i can party on my own private island with as many slutty sluts as i can feast on

[quote]Vegita wrote:
Standing, not sure why, I just do. And when i’m home, the last wipe is with a baby wipe, I keep em by the TP. Makes your butt feel nice and clean.

V[/quote]

does mummy also dress you? :wink:

That’s why God made Bichon Frise…

I like serveys like that.

I found this to be a little disturbing though:

“Have you ever tried to fart but pooped in your pants instead? Percentage Number Of Votes
Yes 39 % 425234”

I also heard of some people using wipes instead and they said it was much cleaner. I might give that a try.

To answer the question of the thread, I also lean to one side while sitting; front to back. I don’t want brown balls.

Sitting.
On a note about baby wipes; my father got a fungal infection in a hemmorroid because of them. (seriously). Apparently the type he was using had a pretty high alcohol content, which managed to kill off a bunch of the good bacteria that lives down there and yeast set up shop. Painful, and particularly disgusting. Might want to check the brand of wipes you’re using!

[quote]TQB wrote:
That’s why God made Bichon Frise…[/quote]

True. Is it OK, though, to occasionally substitute a Dandie Dinmont? I find that they have just the right abrasiveness without causing discomfort or irritation.

Who gives a shit!?!?!?! Pun intended.

This is a true story:

When I was in 6th grade, I had a friend and his family had this little yappy, piece-of-shit dog. And this kid (no lie) would lay down on the living room floor to watch TV lying on his side, he would pull his pants down past his ass and this fuckin dog would sit there and lick his asscrack for 20 minutes on end. I dunno if he got sexual enjoyment from it or if he just thought the fact that his dog was licking his ass was pretty cool. Anyways, one day I was over at his house playing video games or something and his mom yells down to us from upstairs and says,

“DANNY! WHY THE HELL DOES THIS DOG’S BREATH SMELL LIKE SHIT?!?!?”

He just said “I don’t know” and then we fuckin busted out laughing as hard as we could. Oh man, that was one of the funniest things thats ever happened in my life.

[quote]JimmyOZ wrote:
ok, i wipe sitting down and towards my sack, my mate wipes away from the sack…also, one thing in this fkn country is that your toilets dont have a powerful flush, in oz you can flush a car down the toilet and it wont clog, here you spit in the shitter and the fkn thing overflows and clogs and you have shit all over the place…i should go into business selling plungers then i can party on my own private island with as many slutty sluts as i can feast on[/quote]

What I don’t understand is how people can have a toilet without a plunger anywhere in the fuckin house. What? You only shit little popcorn-size turds that smell like roses? You’ve never flushed and had that scary-ass feeling like “oh shit, is this gonna go down?” And you’re standin like one of those spaghetti westerns with your hand 6 inches from the plunger gettin ready to go to war with the fuckin toilet? And its not like these people have high-powered flushers that would take away an elephant, they got those gay fag toilets. I don’t understand these people, I’d rather play Russian roulette than gamble with somethin like that.

How do you wipe a hairy ass effectively?

The larger my muscles get, the harder it is to reach over the right hip and wipe.

a good joke…no doubt you have heard it b4 but i love it

a bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods…the bear turns to the rabbit and says “do you have problems with shit sticking to your fur?” the rabbit replies “no”

so that bear wipes his ass with the rabbit.

thank you, eddie murphy ‘delirious’

PS: the site of shit overflowing from a clogged toilet onto a nice rug at your fiance’s best friends parents house in their nice upscale chicago home scared the fuck out of me…now i courtesy flush coz i am the kinda guy that will shit bricks and build a shit house.

[quote]Rockscar wrote:
How do you wipe a hairy ass effectively?

The larger my muscles get, the harder it is to reach over the right hip and wipe.

[/quote]

i hate it when shit dries in the hairs and you have to pull it off and it rips hair out…that hurts…

[quote]chrismcl wrote:
JimmyOZ wrote:
ok, i wipe sitting down and towards my sack, my mate wipes away from the sack…also, one thing in this fkn country is that your toilets dont have a powerful flush, in oz you can flush a car down the toilet and it wont clog, here you spit in the shitter and the fkn thing overflows and clogs and you have shit all over the place…i should go into business selling plungers then i can party on my own private island with as many slutty sluts as i can feast on

What I don’t understand is how people can have a toilet without a plunger anywhere in the fuckin house. What? You only shit little popcorn-size turds that smell like roses? You’ve never flushed and had that scary-ass feeling like “oh shit, is this gonna go down?” And you’re standin like one of those spaghetti westerns with your hand 6 inches from the plunger gettin ready to go to war with the fuckin toilet? And its not like these people have high-powered flushers that would take away an elephant, they got those gay fag toilets. I don’t understand these people, I’d rather play Russian roulette than gamble with somethin like that.[/quote]

SO FKN TRUE…i can just picture myself ready to grab that plunger like im about to whack and intruder with a baseball bat…LOL!!!

[quote]JimmyOZ wrote:
Rockscar wrote:
How do you wipe a hairy ass effectively?

The larger my muscles get, the harder it is to reach over the right hip and wipe.

i hate it when shit dries in the hairs and you have to pull it off and it rips hair out…that hurts…

[/quote]

The Europeans must have had very hairy assholes. They invented those revese squirting toilets to get it cleaned better and reduce the dingleberry butt syndrome.

I have to admit when the neighbors dog isn’t out side I waddle back to my place with my shorts down around my ankles, go inside and use my little boy’s ass wipes, They’re about the comfort equavalent of a freshly groomed poodle, and so much better than dry ass paper,

[quote]chrismcl wrote:
This is a true story:


And this kid (no lie) would lay down on the living room floor to watch TV lying on his side, he would pull his pants down past his ass and this fuckin dog would sit there and lick his asscrack for 20 minutes on end.
…[/quote]

After reading that other thread with the pit bull, that doesn’t strike me as a good idea…

[quote]JimmyOZ wrote:
Rockscar wrote:
How do you wipe a hairy ass effectively?

The larger my muscles get, the harder it is to reach over the right hip and wipe.

i hate it when shit dries in the hairs and you have to pull it off and it rips hair out…that hurts…

[/quote]

I have trimmers specifically for this purpose.

My wife trims my back hair for me, and one time she used the wrong trimmers…

I have grown fond of those new moist wipes. I use the cottonelle ones. They really clean you up better and you use less of them than TP.

Sitting down is the best way to wipe it keeps stuff from sticking together.

As for people that dont have plungers, I dont have one. Of course I have an old 20 gallon per flush toliet, with 4" pipe going to the city sewer sytem. If you clog it up you are going to need more than a plunger.

Have you guys ever had to take a shit after one too many MR shakes, and it felt like you were shitting a beach towel? Then when you wipe you look down and there’s not even a streak on the paper, makes you wonder for a second if it’s really possible to wipe and miss your asshole entirely…