T Nation

Wife Not Supportive


#1

Have any of you married guys started working out and found your wife to be unsupportive or even hostile to your working out & improving your physique?

Why do you think that was & how did you resolve it?


#2

What do you mean not supportive? Does she tell you that you are wasting your time? Chastise you in public? Refuse nookie?
Didn't give us much to go on but she might resent you for other reasons or she is just a bitch. Sorry, but it could be true.


#3

It could be that she is jealous of you improving yourself. She may want you to remain at your current level of fitness so she doesn't feel threatend. She may think that you will get a better body and decide that you want someone else.

It could also be something as benign as your workouts cutting into your quality time. If that is the case then suck it up and work out while she is asleep.


#4

She's probably just jealous and wants more of your time. Where are you and what are you doing when you're not wokring out? And before you started working out, what did you do with that time.

Women have a harder time with change then men do, especially when it causes inconveniences to them. You need to make sure that your Gym time does not affect the your ability to be a good husband. Doesn't make sense to build a better body to live longer if you'll be living alone...


#5

Excuse me but I am blunt. I mean no offense.

Is your wife fat? Out of shape?

Are you?

She may feel confortable that you are both in that condition or even if you are in just better condition than her she may feel threatened by your improvements and as you feel better about yourself and are exposed to fit women you may stray which frightens her. Though she would never admit jealousy.

Do you have a history of Cheating?

She may see this as another opportunity for you to get back to your old habits of taking up a hobby to stay away and play.

Or are you just unrealistic and because she doesn't feed into your delusions about your looks, developement, or aspirations you say she is not supportive?


#6

I had that problem with my girfriend i know, it may not be the same but hey if it help me maybe it will help you too.

I've always been in sports so like you it was about improving the way i looked but also endurance. But she started to be a real pain in the ass almost asking me to decide the workout or her. So i try to analyse what was going on hr head, and later on we talk about it.

1) She saw that me trying to improve would change the way i feel for her (ie going for someone hoter)

2) I would spend much less time with her

3) i was bored of her and working out was my scape goat.

So what did i do? I talked to her, and i made her part of my training, helping me, and also training side to side with me. At the end she started having lots of fun especially when i dragged her on a tire around while running (like running with weight) or when i would run with her on my shoulders or when she got to punch me or learn submisions. Also i would switch to playing tennis, basket, soccer to not have the same workout or same activity.

I also made her understand that the decision i made was so that i feel better (healthy and mentally) and if anything i was doing it for her etc etc. So talk to her and made her part of your effort to change yourself, i know they say that they like just the way we are but like my gf said "adding some six pack does not hurts either."

So let her know what is going through your head, women hate when we leave them out on certain decisions, and if you have kids you can do the same. I hope this helps, good luck!


#7

Some good ideas above.

Also, she might feel pressured now that she should do something too, but not have the time, energy, interest or motivation to follow suit.

Just tell her it is good for your health in many ways and that you feel it is important (for you) to be proactive in this way. That's a bunch of positives that are hard to argue against, though she may still have issues with it.


#8

Ouch...Bodyguard men don't cheat we just crush a lot... ; )


#9

Have you honestly analyzed the situation? Do you have kids? How much time are you spending away that you used to spend at home, with her?

I have yet to see a wife or SO not be supportive in the whole. Yah, there are probably some issues, but my guess is this is not as big a deal to her as you are trying to make it out to be to us.

I mean, if you are now head into this and spending 10-15 hours a week occupied by it, it can be frustrating to the other. Do you eat the same meals with her? Did you even talk to her before trying it out on the boards?

What is bothering you about my new goals? Oh, I see, we can work that out.

Much ado about nothing if you ask me. If--IF, you have made any effort at all to communicate your newfound desires and goals, I bet there is only a small small small percentage of women who would then still be frustrated and upset with you..

If she's still upset, then what? Another post? Communication my friend, communication.


#10

Is she toxic?

http://www.T-Nation.com/findArticle.do?article=05-atomicdog-020


#11

Never fails: ask a question about people's experiences in a situation, and get a couple dozen Dear Abby responses. :wink:

Yeah, I hear where you're coming from. My wife says she supports it, and even keeps the grumbling to a minimum when I spend money on protein powder (and has even quit complaining about creatine, how unsafe it is, etc)... but man, does she ever get cranky if I actually eat.

It's too expensive for me to eat extra servings of meat, cottage cheese, etc. But apparently we can afford a couple extra bags of doritos or pretzels a week, coffee from coffee shops several times a month, the periodic fast food fix... that whole rigamarole.

Now, she's gotten better about it. There used to be a time when she'd completely flip out if she saw me putting more than two slices of meat on a sandwich, but we've still got a looooong way to go. When I actually go through with implementing Precision Nutrition after my current work jag slows down, there's going to be some fireworks around this house.

Maybe I'll take up smoking, drinking, and gambling. Really give her something to bitch about. :wink:


#12

Like her:


#13


Or like this guy.


#14

I've found it the other way around. After my wife had our second child, she lost weight got her boobs lifted, and looked HOLY SHIT HOT and showed it off too.

I hated her for that since I'd let myself shrink and drink into a prune. This went on for about 2 years and got ugly for me.

So what I did is obvious. I needed to feel like I could again stand next to my woman and feel like I'm 100% fitting the bill as a man who could definately be in the same "class" ...if you will.

It's totally psychological and has to do with self esteem.

One of the triggers and red flags that your partner is not satisfied with something is when they change start changing their wholesale appearance by hair, clothes, attitude and body.

I did it to catch her eye again, but it has brought more benefits than that.

She probably feels like you are getting more attractive or looking to be more attractive....and that means other women...and competition...in her mind.


#15

Ya, I think most of the time it is due to jealously that your wife would be unsupportive. Mine is sometimes like that because she thinks that I'll get buff enough that I will bang other chicks.

What makes me laugh is that no exercise will fix my face. :slightly_smiling:


#16

Looks like Eddie.


#17

Hahahaha... That's pretty damn funny. Too bad more people don't think that way!


#18

Yes, I agree. This is generally the case.

Try and convince her to join you in your quest. Get her to come to the gym with you, etc.. Get her involved and she might actually start enjoying this new life style herself.

However, as someone else said, talk to her. Ask her why she is so against your new life style...


#19

oh big time. first she thought it was all for the Laydehs.. which is partially true, but you would never admit that!! I basically told her about how this is your most bang for your buck, in terms of staying fit, and all the benefits, and I even got her on TBT now! ha!

so hang in there!


#20

I have a very good friend who had the same issues. He was over 300 lbs, had no energy, whole nine yards. We met when he signed up for a year of martial arts at the school I taught at. After the first couple weeks, he was down at least 5 pounds. By the end of the first month a good 10 pounds, and had added strength workouts to his lunch hour, his office had a small gym. After 3 months he had lost a considerable amount of body fat, toned up nicely with his strength workouts and his confidence was flying high. It was this time that his fiance came in complaining, why do you need to workout after work instead of see me? Why don't you eat what I eat anymore? Since when did you wear a 38" waist?

It took my friend a good year of back and forth battling with her to get her to see that this was for him, and his health, and their future. They are married now, and he is still working out. Moral of the story is don't back down when your significant other gives you grief over improving, just explain, maintain your schedule and apologise later.