T Nation

Wife and a Empty Nest


#1

Oldest goes back to school today… we took the youngest last week. Wife is not dealing with the thought of a empty nest very well along with going into mother hen mode. I guess I just dont get it … since its not like they are getting married and moving away . I mean they are only a hour away max and its not like shes isnt going to have contact with them daily . I guess, I just dont get it because i am a dad and I have sons… would assume if I had daughters it might be different and I would be over protective.


#2

Women are just wired differently. My youngest of two sons just graduated college, got a decent job and moved to an apartment not too far away from our house. My wife is going through the same. For me, it’s party time! We did our job! We raised two boys to be men and both graduated college and seem to be on there way to being productive members of society. I say it’s time to enjoy our time, travel and wait for grandkids someday.


#3

She has spent most of her life “taking care” of them. Making sure they were fed, clothed, schooled, etc…
Now there is a big gaping hole. Instead of making 4 steaks for supper, now it’s only two. Instead of six loads of laundry, only a couple. Everything she does will remind her of them being away. It will eventually sort itself out, it’s just going to take some getting used to.
Maybe there is something that she has wanted to do and never had time, a hobby. Learning to paint, sew, write or whatever. Encourage it now, even if it’s odd, like folding tea bags ( yes this is a real thing). She may have to try several before one clicks and she gets the hang of it. Be patient! It will pass.


#4

I have a 1 year old and a 3 year old that is currently crawling all over me and my mouth is watering at the thought of them being at college.


#5

When our kids went away to college, I had empty-nest syndrome much worse than did my wife–further evidence, I suppose, supporting her contention that I am a very high-maintenance husband.

I remember that feeling, but now can say in hindsight: Careful what you wish for, my friend. I’ve told the following story on TN before, but it’s been a while…

One evening when our kids were 7 and 3, we took a family trip to the grocery store. As my wife parked the van, the kids and I held hands and skipped across the parking lot, laughing and cutting up. When we got to the door, I let them go and they raced off into the store, still laughing. An elderly woman–‘elderly’ to me at the time; in retrospect, she wasn’t much older than I am now–standing near the entrance who had watched us cross the parking lot stepped up to me and said somberly, “You’re going to blink, and they’re going to be gone.” Then she turned and walked away.

She was right. I blinked. They’re gone.


#6

I’ve heard it many times, and I know it’s true because I had one newborn in my arms, then I blinked, and now there are two toddlers tearing up the house. I really don’t mean it when I say it - but we got pregnant while we were engaged so enjoying married life as just the two of us is something we have yet to do, and won’t get to do for the better part of a couple decades, so while I love them and they’re the most fun little dudes in the world, Im excited for the future too.

By the way, thanks for sharing that. Maybe it sounds a little sad, but its also evidence of a life well lived.


#7

LOL Don’t worry, it gets better. For me they’re great as soon as they get past 2 years (24 months). When my youngest had her 2nd birthday I was like “whew, glad that’s over”.


#8

Don’t know man … we just had one about 7 weeks ago - a boy. There does seem to be differences in expectations at this point wrt milestones. She’s of the mind he’ll live with us into his 20s…I’ll consider it a success if he can handle being on his own at 18 (like moved out for good and making ends meet).

Can’t really say how I’d feel if we had a daughter…I like to think I’d feel the same but I kind of doubt it haha


#9

Enjoy it while it last. The time really does fly and when it’s over it’s over!


#11

Just start making a lot of noise and eating about 3 times as much as usual. Or get a couple of pet raccoons.

For real though, congrats on bringing your kids to adulthood. My kiddo is about to start kindergarten and I’m loaded with all kinds of emotions about it.


#12

I’d have been like “kids! Get back in the van! Some old lady just threatened to murder you!”


#13

I also read that as a threat!


#14

I bet you get a lot of youngsters this way you sick fuck


#15

Develop yourself a solid dad bod and we’d basically be the same person, lol…


#16

a man has needs!


#17

When our oldest left for freshman year of college (at a junior college 35 minutes from home) my wife and I fought for about three months over “nothing”. It finally came to light that she was suffering from something like this. I hesitate to call it “empty nest” because we still had three more at home. But when we finally figured it out and talked it out things were great. We are now almost FULLY empty-nesters. Our third daughter returns for her senior year at Mississippi College this weekend, and our oldest two are married with careers. Our son is in his second year of working at Ingall’s Shipbuilding. So, he still lives at home, but he is independent for the most part. We are loving this stage of our life! We both have hobbies apart from each other, and we enjoy the time we do spend together. We take more weekend trips than we ever have, and we genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Our latest challenge is menopause; it seems like life always has something to throw at you. I have the utmost respect for my wife, and I don’t envy the challenges she faces (not the least of which has been tolerating me for 27 years).


#18

I sorta got the same mind set… but I have a few more years of college with them yet.

I been saying that to her for the past six month… Part of the issue she has been the team mom for two different High School sports for several years. With neither boy in school that outlet is gone for her. So shes got some adjusting she going to have to address in that regards.

Take my word for it …in a few more years your kids will hit the cool age than when the hit the teenage years than you will be ready to send them packing.

My view point im good with them living with us until they are done with school and get themselves established…
Ill be honest IF I had a daughter I would have been one of those dads who would have made sure to put the fear of GOD into any boyfriend

Thanks

At the moment im keeping my mouth shut and head down and watching my step around her.


#19

This is my wife and shes missing her cubs at the moment…


#20

Have you considered that it is less about the kids going and more about who she has to have one-on-one time with each evening now? :stuck_out_tongue:


#21

There were portions of the baby phase I wished would have gone a little faster but now that my daughter started kindergarten things need to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN.

And yeah, @bulldog9899, you’d be absolutely terrifying to any potential boyfriends. This is one of my side-goals in lifting, thankfully I’ve got a while.