T Nation

Why Do Westerners Abandon Their Parents?


#1

I understand they get cranky but they're only depressed most of the time. Clint eastwood in gran torino was a perfect example. He was always angry, his kids wanted to put him in a nursery home, and his in laws wanted to be on his will. Isn't it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? This video perfectly explains this.


#2

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
Isn’t it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? [/quote]

If they were good to us, then yes… if they weren’t, then they aren’t entitled to anything.


#3

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
Isn’t it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? [/quote]

If they were good to us, then yes… if they weren’t, then they aren’t entitled to anything.
[/quote]

Yup.


#4

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
Isn’t it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? [/quote]

If they were good to us, then yes… if they weren’t, then they aren’t entitled to anything.
[/quote]

Well define not being good to us. Beating you senseless for not taking out the trash or being invisible?


#5

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
Isn’t it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? [/quote]

If they were good to us, then yes… if they weren’t, then they aren’t entitled to anything.
[/quote]

Well define not being good to us. Beating you senseless for not taking out the trash or being invisible?[/quote]

Any kind of abuse is reason enough to leave a relationship. The difference is children can’t leave parental relationships and are far more vulnerable to their parents than a lover or spouse is, so parents are no exception.


#6

[quote]TooHuman wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
Isn’t it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? [/quote]

If they were good to us, then yes… if they weren’t, then they aren’t entitled to anything.
[/quote]

Well define not being good to us. Beating you senseless for not taking out the trash or being invisible?[/quote]

Any kind of abuse is reason enough to leave a relationship. The difference is children can’t leave parental relationships and are far more vulnerable to their parents than a lover or spouse is, so parents are no exception.[/quote]

lets be honest only a small percentage of parents are abusive. Majority of people can and should take care of their parents but they abandon them because they’re no use to them anymore which is quite sad and pathetic.


#7

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

[quote]TooHuman wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
Isn’t it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? [/quote]

If they were good to us, then yes… if they weren’t, then they aren’t entitled to anything.
[/quote]

Well define not being good to us. Beating you senseless for not taking out the trash or being invisible?[/quote]

Any kind of abuse is reason enough to leave a relationship. The difference is children can’t leave parental relationships and are far more vulnerable to their parents than a lover or spouse is, so parents are no exception.[/quote]

lets be honest only a small percentage of parents are abusive. Majority of people can and should take care of their parents but they abandon them because they’re no use to them anymore which is quite sad and pathetic. [/quote]

Where’s your evidence of this claim. Do you know the statistics on how often mothers hit their kids out of anger and how often they regret it immediately afterwords?
For example, 80%+ of British mothers spank their infant children before the age of 1 year old.

The average toddler gets hit 900+ times a year by their parents.
The difference is that unlike in Sweden(just an example) where all physical hitting by parents is considered the same as any other assault, in most of the world it’s brushed off as punishment for acting “bad”.

The reality is that most spanking isn’t done as punishment, but instead re-actively out of anger when parents feel stressed, tired, etc…

You wouldn’t apologize for that kind of bullshit excuse for a man hitting his wife and you wouldn’t question for a minute why she left him. It’s no different morally for parents.


#8

[quote]TooHuman wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

[quote]TooHuman wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]Justliftbrah wrote:
Isn’t it our duty especially men to take care of our parents? [/quote]

If they were good to us, then yes… if they weren’t, then they aren’t entitled to anything.
[/quote]

Well define not being good to us. Beating you senseless for not taking out the trash or being invisible?[/quote]

Any kind of abuse is reason enough to leave a relationship. The difference is children can’t leave parental relationships and are far more vulnerable to their parents than a lover or spouse is, so parents are no exception.[/quote]

lets be honest only a small percentage of parents are abusive. Majority of people can and should take care of their parents but they abandon them because they’re no use to them anymore which is quite sad and pathetic. [/quote]

Where’s your evidence of this claim. Do you know the statistics on how often mothers hit their kids out of anger and how often they regret it immediately afterwords?
For example, 80%+ of British mothers spank their infant children before the age of 1 year old.

The average toddler gets hit 900+ times a year by their parents.
The difference is that unlike in Sweden(just an example) where all physical hitting by parents is considered the same as any other assault, in most of the world it’s brushed off as punishment for acting “bad”.

The reality is that most spanking isn’t done as punishment, but instead re-actively out of anger when parents feel stressed, tired, etc…

You wouldn’t apologize for that kind of bullshit excuse for a man hitting his wife and you wouldn’t question for a minute why she left him. It’s no different morally for parents.[/quote]

So you’re blaming it solely on parents and not on the selfishness of offspring’s? In China now that the country is becoming more and more westernized they are abandoning traditional Confucius values. So have parents begun abusing their kids in China? Is that the reason why they are abandoning them? Or is because they too have begun adopting westernized culture and therefore abandoned traditional values.


#9

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#10

I think you are asking two separate questions that are connected but not identical.

  1. Why do western children abandon their parents?

  2. Is it morally justifiable to abandon your parents and if so, what conditions have to be met?


#11

[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
I think you are asking two separate questions that are connected but not identical.

  1. Why do western children abandon their parents?

  2. Is it morally justifiable to abandon your parents and if so, what conditions have to be met?[/quote]

Don’t forget the huge underlying assumption that Western kids actually “abandon” their parents, which we’ve seen no evidence for. Or certainly, no evidence that kids in the west “abandon” their parents any more than in other cultures.


#12

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]nighthawkz wrote:
I think you are asking two separate questions that are connected but not identical.

  1. Why do western children abandon their parents?

  2. Is it morally justifiable to abandon your parents and if so, what conditions have to be met?[/quote]

Don’t forget the huge underlying assumption that Western kids actually “abandon” their parents, which we’ve seen no evidence for. Or certainly, no evidence that kids in the west “abandon” their parents any more than in other cultures.[/quote]

Point taken. I guess we could simplify the discussion by asking “Why do some western children abandon their parents?”

Personally, I think it’d be a lot more productive to discuss the way society as a whole treats aging people.


#13

And you have the skill set and time available to look after an 83 year old man with dementia and incontinence?

What happens when your 87 year old auntie takes a shower and slips while your at work?

Perhaps OP we didn’t ‘abandon our parents’, perhaps we made an informed decision that gave our parents the best possible treatment that will keep them comfortable and safe for the rest of their lives. And hey guess what, we do visit them, we do send them letters and keep them in our lives.

Your tone and subject line are very offensive to those of us who have been put in this position. Have you ever had a conversation with a doctor and the head of the aged care facility about how the end will be approached? They actually ask you questions like ‘What sort of music would you like played?’

So don’t BS me about ‘abandon’ until you’ve been there.


#14

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Oh for fuck’s sake, here we go again.[/quote]

lol… That’s exactly what I was thinking.


#15

For clarification, this culture isn’t entuirely throughout the west. In Canada, for example, it is much more common to live with extended family throughout early adulthood.

Personally, I think it is a much better lifestyle. Yeah, I don’t like my family, but if I did like them (or at least respected them enough to tolerate them in the same room) I would see emotional, financial and physical benefits from living together. I think today we have the opposite problem where people lack a support system in real life, yet rely on shit like facebook or twitter as a “substitute”.

EDIT:
From a legal perspective it is in the child’s best interest to ditch the parents in old age. The healthcare system in the US is so disgusting. For example, to put a loved one in a home requires the individual to surrender all of their assets except 1 car and a place to live. Anything they make over 30 grand is taken as an “expense” towards full time care. I can only pray the people who made those policies die of kidney cancer.


#16

probably because of family issues like… they prolly didn’t get along well with each other or cuz the parents didn’t understands what the son/daughter wants so i’d reckon it would be a lot better to move out when you didn’t get along with your mum and dad.


#17

Are you saying putting a crazy old man in a nursing home is “abandoning” them?


#18

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Oh for fuck’s sake, here we go again.[/quote]

lol… That’s exactly what I was thinking. [/quote]

X3


#19

Holy clusterfuck batman

So far I see three or four different discussions forming … and it’s not even on the 2nd page yet


#20

[quote]Aero51 wrote:

EDIT:
From a legal perspective it is in the child’s best interest to ditch the parents in old age. The healthcare system in the US is so disgusting. For example, to put a loved one in a home requires the individual to surrender all of their assets except 1 car and a place to live. Anything they make over 30 grand is taken as an “expense” towards full time care. I can only pray the people who made those policies die of kidney cancer.[/quote]

Can you source this? I’m pretty sure if Medicaid is used it is just the assets of the individual and their spouse (if they have one) and I’ve never seen this $30K figure.

I’m not saying you’re wrong, but I’m in a situation where this could totally fuck me so I’d like to read about it.