T Nation

Why do proteins bars always mimic candy bars?

I forgot to bring a Grow bar with me to work today, so I was in our canteen looking at the other crappy protein bars for lack of any other food. We’ve got chocolate, strawberry cheescake, blueberry, and even a smores flavored bar among the selection. And they all taste pretty bad. It occurred to me, if it’s that hard to make a protein bar taste like candy, why not make it taste like, well, protein?

How about a turkey flavored protein bar? Or maybe smoked salmon? I love smoked salmon. I’d eat a smoked salmon protein bar. Maybe beef flavored? Or chicken?

Has Biotest ever thought about this? Is there a market?

They’re called “Jerky”.

Yeah, but jerky is usually pretty thick and chewy, and greasy in my experience. (Maybe it’s just the brand.)

Besides, a simple answer like that takes all the intended humor out of this post.

So how about Grow brand jerky then?

I was trying to play along. I guess I have a bad sense of humor…it wouldn’t be the first time that has been said about me!

Of course, if Biotest made a smoked salmon flavored protein bar, they could only sell it as “The Poontang Bar”.

An old idea of mine was to make “meat tea”. No, not bullion, but instead a tea composed of a mixture of finely ground dried meats instead of leaves.

Another idea was a meat based liquer (if that’s possible). Fermented meat juice couldn’t be any worse than grappa.

This is the sort of shit I come up with when I have way too much time on my hands. Yes, I know I’m weird.

Most protein bars contain soy! WHY???