T Nation

Why Do Men Get Married These Days?


#1

I know this question may leave some of you scratching your heads.. but it's something that's been on my mind as of late.

marriage really does not offer any real benefit to a man (besides some tax benefits), but it poses a very high number of life-altering risks.

by being married, a man is basically putting his entire financial state at risk.. men have lost millions..even billions because they chose to get married.
some men have lost everything, and have actually become incarcerated because they can no longer make the 'payments'.

when you consider that the vast majority of children go to their mothers (for some unknown reason), and women comprise the majority of winners in alimony disputes, a man can have 85%+ of his income forcibly taken from him (after having lost half of his net worth in one fell swoop). He will pay his ex-wife thousands of dollars to raise his children, and keep them away from him.

according to the statistics (take them for what you will), 70% of divorces are initiated by women. In Australia, there was a dramatic spike in the amount of divorces once alimony and spousal support legislation was enacted (I know correlation does not equal cause and effect..but...).

On top of that, a man can be forced to pay for his wife's lawyer.. so he's essentially being forced to pay top dollar to screw himself LOL.

in the past 5 years, I have had 2 older friends stay with me because their wives divorced them. for months, they lived on my couch, and scraped together every last penny they had, to pay for alimony, spousal support and child support (they never really got to see their children).

Meanwhile, the ex-wife was working a part-time job, 'raising' the kids (more like trying to re-live her youth vicariously through their daughters), and going out on dates with the new beau.

in some states, a man can be married for just 10 years, and be required to pay alimony for the rest of his life....

hardly seems fair.. doesn't it?

and no, before anyone asks, I am not a misogynist, an MRA, or a MGTOW. this is a criticism of the government's interference in marriage, not of women. Marriage has become a very profitable venture for women, and a very unprofitable venture for men.

also, prenups don't work

some food for thought:

let's try to keep this on point and stay away from fallacies (looking at you, Brick).


#2

Meh.


#3

Some people want the family lifestyle, raise kids and all that.

But seems like more and more these days marriage is more of business deal for some women, as what do I get out of
It if this doesn’t work.

And the whole engagement ring bs, since when does the size or the price of the ring say how much I love you. It’s just something to brag about to their friends and others.

Not all women are like that, but I’d rather have kids and not get married. Funny how the majority of people that I’ve talked to in life that are married or have been say the same thing, don’t get married.


#4

You already got called out on the false rape allegation thread. What exactly do you get out of posting this stuff?


#5

OP you’re a mid 20s virgin

instead of worrying about what other men do, why not think about why you’re such a pathetic loser that you have never even gotten your dick wet once


#6

give the troll posts a rest, Walkway


#7

Marry the right chick.

My wife is my best friend. She’s one of the coolest people I’ve ever met. She’s made me a better person and gave me two wonderful children. My life would suck without her/them.

Again, find the right person.


#8

Can’t get a woman. Hates women as a result. Sad dude


#9

I got married a couple years ago and I probably fit the exact description of what you argue against. I make a good living, I’m the “breadwinner” of the relationship, etc.

I once read, as an argument against pre nuptial agreements, that the woman you’re marrying should be worth more than any future wealth you may have. I agree with that statement, and I think it’s a good question any man should ask himself before popping the question, regardless of one’s feelings about prenuptial agreements.

Given your post history on this site, I’m willing to bet you’ve never had the type of relationship with a woman in which she matters more to you than any future wealth you may have. As a result, I’m not surprised about you’re confusion as to why men get married. And you probably never will “get it.”

That’s not an insult, different strokes and all that. I’m just not sure why you’re so focused on it.

Secondly - given your descriptions of the people you surround yourself with, I think it’s probably in your best interest to never get married. Chances are you are just like them and would end up marrying someone who will drag you through the mud and take every penny you have at divorce.


#10

I’m not married now but anticipate proposing within a year. I suppose I could look at all the bitter divorced husbands or read articles about how broken the law is. I could also watch happily married couples and compare myself to them and see how good I could have it. Or, I could use my own experiences with my own girlfriend to make my own decisions about how we want to spend our lives together.

Your threads all remind me of the scene from Good Will Hunting (I think) where a character says something about how you can see the Mona Lisa in a million books but until you see it in real life you can’t truly experience it. I know that men have been screwed over and will in the future. I might get screwed over, but I doubt it. I’m also not sure I’ve ever viewed getting married as having a benefit.

OP, have you ever read or watched anything about happily married couples or do you limit yourself to your own agenda?


#11

This is a fascinating read - How to Pick Your Life Partner: http://waitbutwhy.com/2014/02/pick-life-partner.html


#12

[quote]Uncle Gabby wrote:
You already got called out on the false rape allegation thread. What exactly do you get out of posting this stuff?[/quote]

how exactly would I get called out here? im not making any of this up. there is a real growing resistance to getting married in western societies. men are waking up, and seeing what a raw deal they are getting.

[quote]CroatianRage wrote:

OP, have you ever read or watched anything about happily married couples or do you limit yourself to your own agenda? [/quote]

I know a few happily married couples yes.

about half of them are ‘happily’ married couples, if you catch my drift - the wife has essentially pulled the rip cord and inflated into a life raft, forcing the husband to basically roll her around in flour until he can find the wet spot. seems like women have a tendency to do that… maybe its because they know that the men can’t leave them without losing everything in court.

it just seems like a gamble in which the odds are firmly stacked against the man.


#13

Two observations:

  1. The inability to get laid is a vinegar that melts the brain and pickles the soul.

  2. One can understand and even agree with some of your specific points without being a whiny, unconcealedly-envious professional victim entirely preoccupied by a single issue and entirely comfortable with generalizing to big stupid fallacies.

Change course now and you’ll thank yourself endlessly within a year’s time.


#14

Lanky crushed it

/thread.


#15

[quote]usmccds423 wrote:
Lanky crushed it

/thread.[/quote]

You know, when I wrote it I was pretty proud of it and was specifically hoping to get an /thread comment.

So thanks for that. :slight_smile:


#16

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

Given your post history on this site, I’m willing to bet you’ve never had the type of relationship with a woman in which she matters more to you than any future wealth you may have. As a result, I’m not surprised about you’re confusion as to why men get married. And you probably never will “get it.”

That’s not an insult, different strokes and all that. I’m just not sure why you’re so focused on it.

Secondly - given your descriptions of the people you surround yourself with, I think it’s probably in your best interest to never get married. Chances are you are just like them and would end up marrying someone who will drag you through the mud and take every penny you have at divorce. [/quote]

my confusion is not a result of my relationship history… I have had a couple meaningful relationships yes… and you are correct in assuming that they were not worth as much to me as my future earning potential.

women can change overnight… ive witnessed this happen numerous times. I just can’t wrap my head around why a man would put his financial future at risk to engage an in institution that doesn’t benefit him at all.

I know there is a long time member of this site who is feeling the financial pain of divorce.


#17

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:
women can change overnight… ive witnessed this happen numerous times. [/quote]

Ah, but then the man also deserves plenty of blame for not doing it right.

And I don’t mean sex, but rather fostering the ongoing attraction that is invariably present in healthy relationships.


#18

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

Given your post history on this site, I’m willing to bet you’ve never had the type of relationship with a woman in which she matters more to you than any future wealth you may have. As a result, I’m not surprised about you’re confusion as to why men get married. And you probably never will “get it.”

That’s not an insult, different strokes and all that. I’m just not sure why you’re so focused on it.

Secondly - given your descriptions of the people you surround yourself with, I think it’s probably in your best interest to never get married. Chances are you are just like them and would end up marrying someone who will drag you through the mud and take every penny you have at divorce. [/quote]

my confusion is not a result of my relationship history… I have had a couple meaningful relationships yes… and you are correct in assuming that they were not worth as much to me as my future earning potential.

women can change overnight… ive witnessed this happen numerous times. I just can’t wrap my head around why a man would put his financial future at risk to engage an in institution that doesn’t benefit him at all.

I know there is a long time member of this site who is feeling the financial pain of divorce. [/quote]

Divorce negatively impacts both partners financially - but that is because in a fiscally healthy marriage both partners are better off than either will be alone, at least in the short term.

Of course, if you marry a gold-digging ho because you prioritize looks and other surface traits over substance, well, “you get what you get and you don’t get upset.”


#19

[quote]chillain wrote:

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:
women can change overnight… ive witnessed this happen numerous times. [/quote]

Ah, but then the man also deserves plenty of blame for not doing it right.

And I don’t mean sex, but rather fostering the ongoing attraction that is invariably present in healthy relationships.

[/quote]

Agreed. Almost nothing changes overnight. The culmination of thousands of moments that go unnoticed in isolation may one day manifest itself as an overnight polar shift. Life is composed of all the small choices, not the big ones. In fact, the big decisions are usually almost predetermined by the little ones, by then we’re along for the ride.

That said, if you marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons, you’re probably screwed. However, you can marry the right person for the right reasons and still end up screwing yourself through complacency and neglect.


#20

[quote]Mr. Walkway wrote:

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:

Given your post history on this site, I’m willing to bet you’ve never had the type of relationship with a woman in which she matters more to you than any future wealth you may have. As a result, I’m not surprised about you’re confusion as to why men get married. And you probably never will “get it.”

That’s not an insult, different strokes and all that. I’m just not sure why you’re so focused on it.

Secondly - given your descriptions of the people you surround yourself with, I think it’s probably in your best interest to never get married. Chances are you are just like them and would end up marrying someone who will drag you through the mud and take every penny you have at divorce. [/quote]

my confusion is not a result of my relationship history… I have had a couple meaningful relationships yes… and you are correct in assuming that they were not worth as much to me as my future earning potential. [/quote]

Then I assert your “meaningful relationships” were not as “meaningful” as the relationship I share with my wife. Hence your lack of comprehension.