T Nation

Why do men cheat???

I just went through what was probably the worst night of my life…I found a condom missing from my boyfriend’s drawer even though I am on the pill (Ijust put them there in case I miss my pill)and he lives alone and has had no visitors. When I confronted him, he repeatedly denied cheating on me. He told me that it must have gone in the garbage along with some papers he had thrown away. I let it go thinking that I really didn’t have any actual evidence. Later on last night, I thought I’d rip open a condom package and pretend that I’d found it behind the gargage can. When I did this, he froze and then it all came out. Although I have caught him in some little lies in the past, we had an amazing relationship-or so I thought. I was always there for him whenever he needed me, we were best buddies, I always payed attention to him, told him how attractive and sexy he was and I am an attractive girl. The funny part is that my sex drive is over the top. I usually want it more than he does and he knows I’ve never turned him down. We had a great sex life. I even do my part in attempting to fulfill his stocking and lingerie fetish, but I guess that wasn’t enough. If our relationship was rocky, I could at least blame it on that but I swear, it wasn’t! I can’t believe he went out one night and saw a girl he knows from “around” and brought her home.

Any way, I have been hibernating at his place still because I have been so upset. I don't want to go home or tell any one because I would be too humiliated telling any one and then getting back together with him. He told me it was a one time fling and that he would never do it again. I really believe in forgiving people and not giving up. Please help me! Why would a man cheat in a case like this and should I forgive him? Thank you!

If he knew it was a bad thing why did he do it? Tell him to get out of your life & that you never want to see him again.

btw guys don’t cheat. Worthless pieces of shit cheat.

Don’t make the same mistake 2x if he did it now, what will hold him back next time?

Brandy, you’re a girl - I guess you know why women cheat. It is simple. Men cheat for the same reasons.

Considering you were one of the VERY rare women who never turned this guy down when he wanted sex, he has absolutely no excuse. You sound like the ideal chick!

Good advice so far. I know you’re heart broken right now, but getting back with this guy is a bad idea. You’ve got all the things that I and any other guy would look for so, go find a better one.

Boys cheat because they’re too immature and inexperiened to realize what they have. Men know the value of their women and treat them accordingly.

Once you get over this, go find yourself a man. Until then, the best way to get over a guy is to get under another.

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” You’ve caught him in smal lies before, and a big one now. Trust is gone. You’re not saving a marriage, so move on. It will only get worse if you don’t.

I feel sorry for you Brandy. You seem like a really great girl. There was no reason why your boyfriend should have cheated. It’s really sad that people do this so frequently. It is truly a lack of respect for the other person and the relationship. There could have been numerous reasons why he did it, and none of them are legitimate. He broke the trust. He hurt you. He hurt the relationship. I know it’s hard to hear this, but you should move on and not get back together. Yes, it’s easy for me to say that (but it’s something I live by). I know that once you put in time and love in a relationship, it’s hard to end it. But it’s the best thing you can do for yourself. He’s cheated once, and there is always a chance it will happen again, even if he says it won’t. Besides that, he has broken the trust, and it will put a huge strain on your relationship.

You’re a great girl and deserve much, much better. Do yourself a favor and get rid of this scum bucket. Find yourself a nice guy. That’s right, a nice guy. There are a few out there. They will treat you like a princess and never betray your trust. Good luck.

I’m sorry that this happened to you. To answer your question, no, you should absolutely not take this guy back. It doesn’t matter what he has to say (if anything), he’s not sorry. If you take him back, all you did was prove that he can get away with it and he’ll most likely do it again. Get rid of him, cut off all contact, do what you need to do to get over it, and keep in mind that the next guy you go out with is not your x-boyfriend (i.e. I promise, relatively few of us are like that).

Well, It happens both ways and the easiest reason is they are human. Albeit weak humans they are human. Normally this means they have a weak character plain and simple. BTW the fact that you are afraid to tell your friends means a) They are not real friends and will tell you it was your fault b)they are real friends and will hold you accountable if you go back to this loser. After having read your information I would say we are getting a very small part of the truth. I would suggest you look deep within and check yourself as well. I am not saying it is your fault but the fact you thought the relationship was wonderful is a really bad sign. YOu didn’t see it coming at all?!!! How is that possible. I think you are leaving a lot out. Tell it all and we will decide.

Men cheat because they are worthless cowards… the exact same reason women cheat. I cheated because I was too gutless to end a dieing realtionship. That forced me to end it. Something was not making him happy, and instead of workig through it with you he became a bottom feeder. Don’t go back to him, if there were children or a marriage that would be one thing, but since there are neither, move on. I feel very bad for you, and I’m sure this hurts a LOT, but i think in some ways a ‘random hookup’ is worse than long term cheating, because it shows a complete lack of restraint. Your friends will help you to move on. That is the beauty of real friends, they help you out even when you don’t want it!

I don’t understand why people think that they can have sex outside of marriage and that the person they are having sex with is never going to cheat on them or that they will never cheat on that person. That is a moronic concept at best.

Anyone who will have sex before marriage or with another outside of marriage is going to do it again – figure it out, folks! If you want to find someone who will be true to you, you have to be true to them, both before and during marriage, and that doesn’t mean only having sex with them before marriage. That means total abstainance before marriage, and total fidelity after marriage.

Don’t go whining that someone is stealing the cookies when you, yourself have your hand in the cookie jar.

Brandy, guys cheat for as many reasons as girls do. They are bored, they feel trapped, they are teased by their friends, they get drunk, they think they need to prove their desirability again, they think they should test themselves–whatever. There is no really good reason in the end.
You seem to have already mistrusted your guy, simply by “testing” him, you found him lacking. If you stay with him he will treat you poorly. If you stay with him you will never really know if he is being honest with you. Do not be a doormat. Nobody deserves that. Nobody has a right to cheat and get away with it. Unless you have a family or marriage involved (and I don’t think you do), you really do not need this garbage, so move on.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. He might say that you can trust him now, but you’ll always have to wonder to yourself if he is telling you the truth or if you have anything to worry about. It might take you a long time, if at all, to trust him to go anywhere alone. I know that if my boyfriend ever cheated on me, first I’d find the other girl and I’d kick her ass, and then I’d go find my boyfriend and kick his ass. You also have to wonder~~if he really loved you, why did he sleep with someone else? If I were you, I’d break up with him so that you know he can’t hurt you anymore. Good Luck.

Because some think that they won’t get caught. And what they don’t know won’t hurt 'em. As for your case dump the bastard and e-mail me you number so we can dicuss this further. No thanks necessary.

Real men don’t cheat. Real men aren’t cowards. Real men don’t make excuses. Real men measure the worth of their partner in a lot more than just the frequency of sex. Unfortunately, there aren’t a lot of real men out there, too many boys wrapped in grown up bodies. Muscles, leather, dirt, Harleys, fancy cars, clothes, the right cologne, tattoos, five o’clock shadows, cool sunglasses and big ego/attitude (even a T-Mag t-shirts) are not the materials of a man, although many women seem to think so. Men have heart, courage to do what must be done even if it is unpleasant and the discipline to put those things that are most important (e.g. family, friends, those less fortunate) before themselves. This is especially true when it comes to the women in a man’s life: girlfriend, wife, mother, whatever. Sadly, some see this as a character flaw when in fact it is strength of character that makes selflessness possible. My wife of seven years and I are going through some difficult times right now. Nobody’s fault, we just aren’t the same people we used to be. I travel a lot, obviously since I’m on this site I’m one of the enlighten T disciples, and seem to get “approached” fairly often. Temptation is easy to find. Hell, we haven’t been intimate in a couple of months! Still, I would never – ever cheat on her. When it gets to be to much, I will approach her and be honest about my feelings and desire to end it. Until then, I will work at the relationship in hopes of making it stronger. I made a commitment: I intend to keep it. She deserves at least that much. Brandy, so do you.

DDT - well said.

honey please realize you do not need this man. obviously he’s a liar and he will not change. i too want to give peeps the benefit of the doubt, but he used you and then lied about it. relationships are like busses, if you don’t like the one you are in, get off of it and the next one will be here in 20 minutes. it will get better, TRUST ME, i already know.

I think the problem is the way you are looking at this situation. You asked why do men cheat, and wondered if it was something that you did. You did nothing that warrented cheating, and even if you did that is not an excuse. The truth is that you said that he had lied to you before and without a major reason to stop, he’ll do it again. If you forgive him and tell him that everything is alright, why should he change? I feel that the only way you can send him the correct message (that you will not tollerate cheating) is to break up, even if you still want to be with him. Wether you get back together with him is your decision. And by the way, I think you could probably do better than him, to me you sound like an awsome girlfriend, you read t-mag, workout, like to have sex…what guy wouldn’t want to be with you?