T Nation

Why Are Zombies Always Trying to Eat Me?

Serious question. No laughs please. Why are zombies always trying to eat me?

I am a good catholic man,very good father figure,and a hard working man that works 50 hours a week to provide for his family. But I never understood why Zombies don’t like me. It all started back in 1987 when I was only 21 years old. I was walking home from a party at about 1 a.m, when from out of nowhere, a group of Zombies started chasing me. I started screaming to them to leave me alone, but they wouldn’t listen and chased me all the way to my house.

When I arrived at my home, I immediately went to my room and hid under my bed. I was in tears, I had never been so scared in my entire life. My mom didn’t help. She always try to scare me. Knowing that I was afraid of zombies, she once paid five of my friends 50 bucks each to dress up like zombies and scare me. I almost had a heart attack, and have never spoken to my mother or friends since.

Last week, I was walking home with my 10 year old son from a strip club, When from out of nowhere, a pack of fit zombies started chasing me.

Zombies hate stupidity, that’s why.

You suck

[quote]lizard king wrote:
Zombies hate stupidity, that’s why.[/quote]

Survey says: Number 1 Answer

I’m working hard to putting food on my family.

Howard Stern

[quote]5.0 wrote:
lizard king wrote:
Zombies hate stupidity, that’s why.

Survey says: Number 1 Answer[/quote]

Unfortunately the survey is wrong.

Since Zombies want to eat brains and I assume that you assume (and make an ass out of virtually everyone involved in the process)that the OP has none or very little brains, Zombies must like him for other qualities than his alleged stupidity.

[quote]orion wrote:
5.0 wrote:
lizard king wrote:
Zombies hate stupidity, that’s why.

Survey says: Number 1 Answer

Unfortunately the survey is wrong.

Since Zombies want to eat brains and I assume that you assume (and make an ass out of virtually everyone involved in the process)that the OP has none or very little brains, Zombies must like him for other qualities than his alleged stupidity.[/quote]

I can only assume the zombies assume he has a brain.

dont worry, no one will be laughing.

I hear zombies are attracted to the ghey. You should really get yourself tested.

[quote]rsg wrote:
I’m working hard to putting food on my family.[/quote]

LAWLZZZZZZ! You owe me a new keyboard, in my fit of laughter I coughed up diet pepsi all over this one…

Wow… this is just so… unfunny.

.

[quote]Renton wrote:
.[/quote]

LOL!

I’ve had a ton zombie dreams recently. I had this zombie dog that helped me kill other zombies and it had huge long fangs that I wrapped chains around as a leash. It was awesome.

[quote]analog_kid wrote:
I’ve had a ton zombie dreams recently. I had this zombie dog that helped me kill other zombies and it had huge long fangs that I wrapped chains around as a leash. It was awesome.[/quote]

coo. But do you have an answer to my problem?

You know, false zombie alarms like this one decrease readiness for when the REAL attack comes…

I loved Shaun of the Dead

Zombies can be killed with a fence post

This is a strange coincidence seeing this thread. Last night I woke up about 5 times because i kept dreaming about a zombie apocalypse…

I have a friend who had sex with a zombie once.