This has been bothering me for awhile. Yes, I need to get out more…but have you ever noticed that Superbowl party pictures put up on internet articles like “plan the perfect superbowl party” look painfully awkward and forced? I’ve watched several different superbowls at several different locations with several different friends, and never have I seen a “party” even vaguely resemble any of the following pictures.
In this first one that I’ve attached, I don’t even know where to begin. Some dipshit who looks like he makes pipe bombs is clutching the requisite ball and pretending to understand the game. The girl to the left looks like a vampire that has been doused with garlic and holy water. Just an absolute train wreck of a party that I’d do just about anything to avoid!
http://images-cdn01.associatedcontent.com/image/A5115/51156/300_51156.jpg
Two fancy looking guys with chemically-whitened teeth being brought a platter of burgers by some thoughtful wife? Are you freaking kidding me?! Imagine the request…“Honey, could you whip up a platter of burgers for my friend and me?”. Notice how the guy to the right is clutching a football. This point is shared among most awkward superbowl party photos.
Look at these jerks right here. The black fellow is seen brandishing a football, as if he is just yearning to become a part of the action. “I would be a real asset to the blue team” he speculates. Guy in the middle obviously has some basic motor skill impairment, as he has strewn popcorn all over the floor despite the fact that it is served in a convenient bowl. As for the guy on the right, he looks like a gargoyle perched over some gothic cathedral. If he put his filthy tennis shoes all over my couch he’d find his orange-drink slurpin’, gargoyle lookin’ ass out on my front lawn! What a bunch of jerks.
Two guys sitting on a sofa made of “Zubaz” pants material, giving each other the most forced high five imaginable. The guy with the moustache is just hovering over the impressive looking spread (that I’m sure the missus “whipped up” in a hurry), too preoccupied with scooping paella onto his plate than feigning an actual interest in the game. There is no football being clutched here (the hallmark of lame superbowl party photos), but you can see one prominently displayed in the background.