T Nation

Why Am I SO Insecure?!


What the hell is the matter with me?!?!? Why am I so goddamned insecure? I don't know what my problem is. I'm a good looking guy, have a really good build, have a college degree, and lots of friends. But for some reason I'm so insecure and I don't know why.

I have a girlfriend and I ALWAYS get bothered when she mentions another guy looks good (usually when she sees pictures of a guy, sometimes celebrities,). And I always get nervous when she hangs out with her friends at bars/clubs/or other hang outs. When she gets a text message on her phone, I get nervous too even though I have no idea what the message says.

I have never told her any of this cause I don't want her to know this about me. Oh and I have never been cheated on before either so I don't know why I am like this. I have never been like this before. I used to be pretty secure with myself in the past..I don't know what's gotten into me. Any advice or insights?


Well since you realize you're being insecure about certain things, when you catch yourself being insecure, reassure yourself its a text from a friend, not another guy. Or hell, just nonchalantly ask who it is.

I know its harder said than done, but if you dont see any point in being insecure, dont be insecure. (If shes never cheated, if she compliments you and your looks as well as looking at other guys, who cares? Shes obviously dating you for some reason instead of them, right?)


Sure: Don't.


Hey, you might end up getting hurt, it's the risk we all take, but howabout you simply trust her?

If and when she wants to dump you, she will, so enjoy the time you have and stop worrying about stupid shit.


Lay of the cocaine. Wrecks your nerves man.


Sounds more like a lack of trust with her or even yourself.

Be as open and honest as possible with her, and hope she does the same.

I was always the same way with girls I dated, but since I met my wife, I'm completely fine with her having crushes on celebrities, or even checking out other guys.

I couldn't be nearly like that with my ex-fiance.

Maybe you're both attracted to each other more for looks than emotionally/psychologically?


I can't wait for that relationship.



It sounds an awful lot like you have a legitamate psychological condition called, "Abandonment Anxiety". My Father, also a very good looking man, well paid, in great physical condition (a surfer), incredibly intelligent, but some similar symptoms.

I'd really advise you seek some professional counselling about this - if anything, it'll be good to have someone to sit down and talk to about it. Lots of people will probably flame me for this, but hey, mental health is as important to maintain as physical health, if not more so. I'm not ashamed to say that I've seen a psychiatrist before, just like I'm not ashamed to say I've seen a Chiropractor, or been to the emergency room.

take care of yourself dude, you won't be sorry, and I'm sure your girl won't be either.


Maybe you have a really really small penis?


Coming from a guy who calls himself "Bigbigsize" I would have never imagined it.


For starters don't EVER let her know you're insecure, can you say, turn-off? Girls hate that shit. You'll like a needy fuck head. Whenever this bitch thinks that you are "insecure" or needy or anything, she is gonna cluster-fuck the next group of guys she sees. As for you, you're being a whiny bitch, if you are good looking, well built, have everything going for etc. Then why do you even GIVE A SHIT if she dumps you. Her loss. Fuck she should be worried about you leaving her ass in that case. If I were you I would get some female friends and start hanging around with them. That'll put her mind on trying to keep you rather than not letting you know she's fucking your brother. AND if she is cheating then you have a support network of vaginas with interwoven labias ready to catch you and lubricate your broken little heart with a beautifully pheromoned liquid ecstasy. Does'nt that sound nice. Now shut up and stop fuckin crying. You know thereis nothing to worry about you just want us to tell you that.


Waaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!!! I'm a bitch!! Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!


are your parents divorced?


What the fuck?


Yeah seriously WTF? If you expect us to take you seriously try to not act like that in the future.

As to your problem- you are dating right at or just out of your league. If she was in or under your league, you wouldn't be so worried about it. Try dating an uglier chick.


Good question. Actually I am in the process of writing a post (in my head) asking if other T-Men (like me) are just plain outright angry at the popularity of girls and Male Strippers.

I will go into detail on this in my post but let me say that I need to know if I am the only one this bothers. Talk about how a girlfriend or wife can destroy confidence in a guy. My post will detail this also.

Wouldn't it be cool if guys arrived at the building where a show is held and while the girls are waiting to go in, the guys apprached their girls and said "you go in, the relationship is over". Even if you bluff, it would still be interesting to see how many girls step out of line.

Stay tuned as I have most of what I want to say "fixed" in my head.


you need Alpha Male.


I had a similar situation with an ex girlfriend- a combination of insecurity and jealousy. It's tough- but you have to realize that you lack the faith in yourself to keep her attention. I believe the above quote to be the most important to remember- if she didn't have romantic feelings about you, she would be with someone else. Believe in that, and the rest will follow. i hope that helps a bit



Sounds like your in love. Have you told her yet?


What a stupid statement to throw around. Quite honestly it does'nt sound like he's in love if all he cares about is himself right now and his problems. In my opinion it takes 2 to be in love and the way this guy is thinking it's a one way boulevard to love town, which is merely a layover to divorce court. Fuckin typical north american bullshit. No doubt he loves her. But it takes 2 to be in love.