Haha, wow. Not sure if this is a serious thread, but I'll bite.
Played basketball, dropped out of high school pretty early but had some juco and small school oppurtunities handed to me. Blew those off 'cause I'm an idiot and there's my athletic background. Naturally thin but pretty explosive (caught first dunk at 5'7" at 15-16 years old). Have had an absurd amount of injuries (torn right rotator, ruptured left patella, torn right meniscus, countless broken bones and fractures) and am actually currently working around a torn meniscus in my left knee. Ortho's supposed to get back to me this week about the surgery.
I'm 5'9", started lifting at about 135. Have been as heavy as 185-ish (think there's a pic in my profile) and was pretty strong (benched 315 for a deuce, low bar squatted 405 for a few) but my knees didn't like the weight. Currently about 175 with abs, bench 225 for sets of 8, can hit 275 for a triple and with my current knee situation don't squat much more than 245, though high bar and controlled descents are doable provided I foamroll and mob like it's going out of style.
Try and get 4 days a week upper/lower with a strength day and a hypertrophy for each. Try and sneak some conditioning in at the end of each session and progress on weights when and where I can, but never at the expense of form. Sorry if this was jumbled, typing on a phone and dog tired.